Hi everyone,
I haven't really had anything to say here in a while. I usually reserve this board for my more general observations on life or more generalized Buddhist pontificating. So on the various Buddhist yahoo groups I belong to I usually only write to respond to questions. Sometimes on the Nichiren Shu yahoo group I have posted commentaries on gosho or Lotus Sutra passages but I haven't done any in a while. In general I have felt kind of tapped in regard to writing about Buddhism.
Some years ago I was really gung-ho about sharing the fruits of my research and ideas about Buddhism online. I really thought it could make a difference - I don't know why I thought that actually. I guess I was just intoxicated with the idea of communicating with other people. Other Buddhists (Nichiren, Zen, and others) were not so impressed by online communication. In fact, they felt that it was worse than useless. It was a time waster, it took away from time better utilized building a face-to-face Sangha, it was nothing but pissing contests, and so forth and so on. But I really felt that it could be a key to getting the message out and making friends one would otherwise meet, and planting the seeds of community.
Well, now I am more inclinded to agree with the naysayers. At least that is how I feel. It is how I have felt since late last year.
But is this really fair of me? I wouldn't even be writing here if nothing had come of my online activities in the years previous - and I have made many good offline friends through my articles here and my involvements in other groups. I am very grateful for those friends as well.
So why the dejection about writing about Buddhism online? It can't be because it has not translated into good offline friendships and opportunities because it has.
I guess, the dejection comes from no longer wanting to just speak into a void. All too often I write something and get no response, or a response from those who only see what I write as a sectarian challenge they must overcome. And I find that what I want is a creative interaction with those I would consider peers. Without that interaction all this writing is just solipstic conceptual chewing of the cud. And no, I am not looking for syncophantic agreement like in some kind of psuedo-dialogue with a set of cronies. Rather a real back-and-forth such as I used to have with my friend Taigen, or that I have when I get a chance to talk to some of the other Nichiren Shu ministers (both American and Japanese). Or on those rare occasions when I am able to practice face-to-face with other Buddhists (well not that rare - once or twice a week at least for a couple hours each time - but I'm spoiled).
So this is why I no longer feel like writing much about Buddhism online. It just feels too much now like conceptually spitting into the wind.
On the other hand, I have rediscovered the joys of online gaming - or play-by-post role playing games. This is basically where instead of sitting around a table to play a game like Dungeons & Dragons (or Traveller or Call of Cthulhu or whatever poison is your pick) you interact via emails.
This has really been revitalizing to me. I can't even tell you how much. I am running a D&D game now (actually using Pathfinder Beta rules) that is very interactive and is really an exercise in collaborative world building and story telling. And we are pouring so much into it - movie references, literary allusions, songs, music, even youtube clips. Amidsts the drama and action of the game my fellow middle-aged role players (all men btw - there are no girls, grrls, women, or even womyn in our club - and the club is full! So don't ask. Maybe next campaign) are really exploring all kinds of fun issues - the tension between Good and Evil, Law and Chaos, diplomatic and military solutions to problems, the relationship between gods (aka divine and inferanal influences) and men, and many other things. Plus some action adventure and lots of intrigue. It may be a fantasy world setting - but the story that is emerging feels a lot like hanging out with my friends and reflecting (though the lens of the story) or ideas and reactions to things - or at least how we think a particular type of person would see and act in relation to certain things.
This is what I was missing from online interactions about Buddhism. It was either too dry and stuffy, or too contentious, and it never felt like hanging out with friends being funny and creative.
Also, I think that I have long needed to develop that other side of myself - not the pedantic Buddhist scholar/practitioner, but the English major, the storyteller, the smartass punk (which, not being Brad Warner, I can't get away with in the Buddhist sphere), the lover of all things Joss Whedon, the lover of pulp fantasy, horror, and sci-fi from the 20s up to about the 80s, the lover of grotesque horror movies, and so forth and so on. All of these things are things that are fun, but nowhere near as much fun as when they are shared interest and when the sharing can come out in a shared social endeavor.
I guess the bottomline is that I am tired of being the Buddhist hermit and online stuffy scholar, and it feels really good to be Michael McCormick again (not that its' so bad being Ryuei, but Ryuei is just one part of me - though a part that pervades the whole even in gaming as I'm sure my fellow gamers would attest).
Namu Myoho Renge Kyo,
Ryuei
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Ryuei,
I enjoy and get a lot out of your online posts. You offer a unique perspective on Nichren Buddhism and I would be disappointed if you stopped sharing. I stop by FWP from time to time and I always head to your blog first - and not because you are at the top of the list of bloggers.
I take breaks from the online Nichiren discussions because the contentiousness bores and irritates me at the same time. They also distance me from the offline and real world of my Sangha and authentic gosho and sutra study.
Be well and keep posting!
Namu myoho renge kyo.
Aaron
Posted by: Aaron Cantor at April 7, 2009 08:15 PMSo Ryuei, what do you think of Dollhouse?
Posted by: paleandnerdy at April 8, 2009 08:09 AMDid you intentionally misspell Infernal?? :-D
Posted by: Padraic at April 9, 2009 02:18 PMInteresting how you have come full circle. I think there is something in the air. Our faith is supposed to equal daily life or at least that's what I've been told, but often we find it to be alien to parts of our lives that take us back to a state of childhood innocence, when the world seemed full of possibility and anyone could become your best friend. If I am quoting Nicheren I would say enjoy what there is to enjoy; so have a blast Michael and we will still look forward to your posts even if they are about reaching a new level on D&D.
Posted by: Jean at April 9, 2009 03:09 PMMichael
Just remember a few years ago your comments on the internet introduced me to Nichiren Shu, you could say that (to use old sgi jargon) you shakubuked/shoju me. Thank you again.
Dave
Hey, please keep writing, I enjoy your posts and they add greatly to my understanding of Buddhism.
Plus your perspective seems to me refreshing and non-dogmatic. Namu Myho Renge Kyo.
I think I'll join in. I've known Michael for 13 years mainly via email and web, and by phone. He introduced me to Nichiren Buddhism. I've been reading his Lotus Seeds, which is excellent. Just started reading his commentary on Rissho Ankoku Ron. So far so good.
Posted by: Richard S. at April 13, 2009 05:47 PMWhat ever happened to the email list, Nichiren Buddhist Fellowship?
Posted by: Richard S. at April 13, 2009 05:48 PMDear Ryuei:
How is Mark Herrick. He once paid me a visit and we had a nice talk.
Mark
Posted by: Mark Rogow at April 14, 2009 03:07 PMRyuei
Well I for one really enjoy reading your pieces - though sometimes I can't seem to write anything sensible in response. For instance your recent post on "Let the Right One In" - I thought that was extremely interesting (though because the film has only just been released in the UK - I did not have the chance to see it at the time of your posting - and incidentally i am out of the country right now - so it might not be still viewable when I get back). However, I sent a link to your article to an online friend in china who is also interested in vampires, and she simply managed to download the film and watch it - and it seemed to have a pretty strong effect on her. I did think of writing a comparison between being vampirised (like brad pitt is by tom cruise in interview with the vampire) - and comparing it to being shakubuku'd - and the need for blood being compared to the need for daisaku - but then I thought that that was just too far fetched - so in the end I didn'[t bother.
I think this might be just a general problem with blogging - unless you write an argument which can be opposed - its difficult to ellicit replies and responses - perhaps a rating rather than posting prompt might be useful - it would at least show if people liked it - even if they didn;t have anything to say in response.
Summing up, I think yours is a very important voice because it is one of the most humane in Nichiren Buddhism. It has none of the posturing of official sgi leaders - and brings in simple human decency to discussions of buddhism (I remember once you humourously alluded to not-popping-in-on-nichiren - like utsubusa the nun did - as an indication of maybe some of his human limitations). This is so much more real and natural than some of the po-faced things i have read saying that nichiren was trying to prevent the nun making a grave slander of some kind. And this appeal to human decency is what gave the moral force to the descriptions of some of the disagreeable stuff you experienced with the SGI bookstore in SF (Monty Bray if my memory serves me rightly!)
Anyway, do keep writing. I noticed you aren't often at SGU much anymore. I wonder is that something to do with Byrd's passing? Its strange how her impact can be evidenced as much in the way that the other posters interacted when she was around - as in what she explicitly actually wrote. Hers really was a sad loss.
anyway, I also like the fact you get irritable and grouchy sometimes. It makes you extremely real. So please keep writing.
steve
Posted by: steve at April 15, 2009 08:10 AMRyuei,
Your on line posts about Buddhism were like a life line to me 7 years ago. I argued you with a bit initially; as I was wrestling with my own attachments to Soka Gakkai. When people attack; I think most of the time they are projecting their own inner demons on others. I have been there and done that.
I get private mail all the time, thanking me for my work at Gongyo-on-Line, Ninth Consciousness, and here. Also for posts at E-Sangha; which is a fine message board list too, and SGU. There are a few people with over blown egos who are full of envy and try to make trouble for others. Also, those with a sectarian agenda.
I do not see them as proof that I am right; or make some claim I am being persecuted. However, they do function like a test. I can resort to their level of vile-ness; or I can cultivate kshanti and karuna. Tit for tat is my impulsive reaction, so I know I have work to do. Also, I can honestly self reflect and try to correct anything I have done to cause the problem. A few people who once attacked me have come around to agree with me on many things, and support the work I do.
You have reached countless more.
gassho
robin
Glad to see you writing again. Communication does help.
Posted by: Chris at April 16, 2009 09:07 AMMichael aka Ryuei,
As Bill Clinton said "I feel your pain." You know much about my practice history so to repeat it would be well repetitive. But I have found my practice of trying to share the practice with others to be entirely frustrating. In fact when I think about it at a superficial level there is not one thing about sharing the practice with others that has been a rewarding experience. It seems that everyone is constantly disappointed with eveything that everyone does. I recently had a newcomer to my practice sessions. This person had some experience with Zen through the Atlanta Soto Zen Center. However, he was disappointed with what he found there. So he somhow contacted me and came by to practice. But after coming about four times the pattern repeated itself. Which basically meant he was disappointed with something and quit coming. Now for him it is on to "Charlotte Joko Beck Zen."
Now I will try to get where I am going with this. I think that this type of frustration is also a type of growth in our practice. Bottom line is do we keep practicing no matter if people come or not? Do we keep practicing if we don't become a "Dharma Celebrity?" For me the answer is yes most definately. I did not come to the practice to grow a Sangha, become an ordained priest or whatever. I came to the practice to seek a better way of living. I think that I have touched it a few times.
As much as I disliked him at the time, Reverend Tsukamoto said one thing valuable to me. He said "Marcus if you practice hard your teacher will come to you." He was right my, teacher came to me without my leaving the cushion.
But in the end I am writing and posting a response to your blog ten years after I contacted you over the internet. At that time you would call me and check on my practice. So something rewarding did come out the effort to share the practice with others after all. Our retreat in Atlanta was about held 3 years ago. Ooops that was another rewarding sharing of the practice. Wow, maybe I can think of others.
Gassho,
Marcus aka Joriki
Posted by: Marcus Barlow at April 16, 2009 11:16 AMDude! You don't have to write as Ryuei. Not that there's anything wrong with that and I echo everyone elses thoughts on the reach of your voice.
I'd like to hear more of Michael's though. Your thoughts on writing and mindfullness were great.
Talk soon,
Bill
Posted by: Bill at April 16, 2009 01:40 PM