Byrd was a true "good friend" in the Buddhist sense. All of my online interactions with her were very encouraging and uplifting - and this experience was apparently very universal. Many many people have remarked upon her tolerance, compassion, gentle wit, and wisdom. I count myself very fortunate that I was able to meet her several times in person at the Gathering - most recently at the weekend retreat at Port Hueneme. Many have also remarked about how she was able to have a strong presence without being overbearing, how she was able to maintain her integrity without being harshly confrontational, how she was a bridge builder. I truly believe she was one of the Boddhisattvas of the Earth who is not bound by any single institutional group but also isn't afraid to work with and within any given group that welcomed her in order to support, encourage, and lead the way to a more wholesome spiritual life.
It is very hard to be a Buddhist, and esp. a Nichiren Buddhist, in North America these days. It is a lonely path, even for someone like me who lives in the Bay Area where there is a seeming glut of Buddhism. But really there aren't that many I run into face-to-face in daily life who share my love of Buddhist values, insights, worldview, and ceremonial practice and expression - let alone the particulars of Nichiren Buddhism. Many are even afraid of and averse to Nichiren Buddism due to past experience. And even online where I have found some congenial groups and forums to participate in there are too many who make me wonder if Nichiren Buddhism isn't somehow inherently toxic or a kind of psuedo-spirituality. It really makes me sad, dejected, even angry - and above all leaves me wondering if I am just deluding myself and others and trying to make a silk purse out of a sows ear.
Byrd was one of those people who really encouraged me. She was truly a wise companion on the way who lived the vision and promise of the Lotus Sutra through her deep respect for others, her encouragement, her generosity, and all the efforts she made to support Nichiren Buddhism as an authentic and viable spiritual path and practice.
Even beyond anything specifically Buddhist there are two things, of many, that I hope will be remembered about Byrd. One is that she wasn't all talk and posting. Even while between jobs and trying to make ends meet, she volunteered her time and energy to tutor others in reading - and did so not as some kind of painful austerity or with a spirit of condescension, but with a spirit of going out into the world to both help and inspire and to be helped and inspired. She very eloquently wrote about her experiences both teaching and learning from those she taught. She really payed attention to people and had a heart big enough and eyes sharp enough to reach out to others and to allow herself to learn from and be helped by them.
The second thing was that Byrd was one of those rare people, at least in our culture at this time, who really takes the time and trouble to seek out true mentors in actual life. She truly did seek out wise companions to learn from and be inspired by - and she did not restrict herself to those with a Buddhist lable or a remote spiritual celebrity - she sought for the very selfless compassion and wise authenticity that she herself wanted to live in the people around her. I encourage everyone to read her blogs at fraughtwithperil to see what she had to say about her mentor Maevis, how she met her, and her interactions with her. Byrd really understood what it means to learn from those wiser and more experienced in a very personal way, and how to not follow someone else uncritically but to be inspired by a mentor to really bring out one's own good sense and authentic living.
Even in these two things - Byrd's generous volunteer work and her relationship with her mentor Maevis - encourage me as a Buddhist even though these things go beyond Buddhism. Buddhism doesn't have a monopoly on generosity, volunteer work, or mentors afterall. But it encourages me because if somone like Byrd saw something to learn from and be inspired by in Nichiren Buddhism, and with her big heart and good sense she believed it was worthwhile to chant and teach others to chant the Lotus Sutra - then I should not allow myself to feel dejected. Instead, perhaps I should, like Byrd keep up my faith and optimism both in my own efforts and in those around me. I certainly hope that Byrd's spirit will live on in her true friends, in my own efforts in the Bay Area, and in the Gathering.
Namu Myoho Renge Kyo,
Ryuei
"..and above all leaves me wondering if I am just deluding myself and others and trying to make a silk purse out of a sows ear"
You are not alone with those thoughts. I feel a great sadness in your words, maybe I am wrong. I always read the Burning House over and over, Nichiren Buddhism is empty. People are reaching for something that is not there.
I enjoyed what you said about Byrd. Thanks.
Bruce
Bill read your blog at Byrd's memorial today, and everyone was very touched. Thank you for writing from the heart, and being so honest, vulnerable, caring, and wise. You made an impact.
Lauren
Ditto what Lauren said.
It was a beautiful small memorial with much heartfelt sentiment that we'd each try to live up to Byrd's example of intellectual curiosity, mindfulness, interfaith/interdenominational engagement, and her enthusiasm for life and Buddhism.
Bill led us in Byrd's favorite -- lovingkindness meditation -- and later David Riley led us in a beautiful visualization meditation in which we visualized Byrd sitting before us, taking her pain away, and then visualizing her as millions of Byrd stars in the Milky Way, always still here in the world and in our lives.
Posted by: Michele at August 11, 2008 07:08 AMRyuei,
You raised some issues I want to comment on. I typed
a long response, but got interrupted and lost it. Otherwise, dittos what others wrote.
robin
Posted by: robin at August 11, 2008 08:06 AM"It is very hard to be a Buddhist, and esp. a Nichiren Buddhist, in North America these days. It is a lonely path, even for someone like me who lives in the Bay Area where there is a seeming glut of Buddhism. But really there aren't that many I run into face-to-face in daily life who share my love of Buddhist values, insights, worldview, and ceremonial practice and expression - let alone the particulars of Nichiren Buddhism. Many are even afraid of and averse to Nichiren Buddism due to past experience. And even online where I have found some congenial groups and forums to participate in there are too many who make me wonder if Nichiren Buddhism isn't somehow inherently toxic or a kind of psuedo-spirituality. It really makes me sad, dejected, even angry - and above all leaves me wondering if I am just deluding myself and others and trying to make a silk purse out of a sows ear."
This is what I replied to and lost. It was rather long. I think Nichiren Shonin covered the hazards
in the practice -- the 14 "slanders," confusing the general & specific, literalism, and unwise mixing.
A few times you have commented on the Odaimoku being self sufficient; that is does not need any help. I agree in a sense. I thought of the late Bodhisattva Who Does Not Mince Words Barbara Pike's comment that Daimoku seems to be morally neutral.
I think Daimoku is an isight practice.
Nichiren Shonin seemed to think chanting Daimoku would naturally result in all the virtues and merits emerging in our lives; without our actively seeking them. He did appear to say that this is a gradual process {indigo dye}; and as noted above; there are intentions, words, & deeds that ought to be avoided, as they impede the process.
In one sense, he seems to say observing the thical rules {sila} are unnecessary, because one's thoughts. speech, and actions will naturally accord with the higher ethic or abhisila. Then, elsewhere, he indicates that forced observation of ethics and other paramitas will actually impede practice. The reason is that the aspirant gets overwhelmed and quits. Nichiren gives an analogy of a leaky boat getting overloaded and sent out into a stormy sea; it sinks before reaching the other shore.
So I see a paradox. He gives a couple reasons why not to observe ethios. Then he warns against hobo 誹謗 / and aku 悪 {akushala?}. He also warns against literalism {the 4 reliances from the nirvan sutra]. He al;so cautions about mixing.
I have met a lot of Nichirenists whose intolerant passions are inflamed at even the suggestion of mixing in a conventional Buddhist practice. However, they have no problem with heaping verbal abuse on other Nichiren Buddhists.
One of the issues is; what does it mean that the merits of the 6 paramitas will manifest in our lives? Does this mean that if we keep chanting long enough we shall be good; that the right intentions, words, and deeds magically appear, with no deliberate cultivations? Or does it mean that there is no need to even for us to reform / change?
Could it possibly mean that at some point, we self reflect, see a need to change, and deliberately seek the appropriate cultivation? What I often see we Nichirenists either lack knowledge of Buddhism, or are afraid of mixing. So instead of traditional Buddhist cultivations; we look at modern self schemes.
There is also a perception that hongaku and innate virtues make shikaku; earned merits and even acquired skills {artha} moot. Note that punya / toku 徳 seems to mean both virtue and merit; I am inferring a distinction. Virtue = innate wholesome qualities; merit = earned or acquired wholesome qualities.
My current take:
There are 4 innate virtues -- shubha {innocent purity?}, sukha {spontaneous bliss}, constancy, and authenticity. The first two seem to be mixed and matched and conflated with shuddha {pure / clean} and piti / priti {joy from sensory contact} depending on the source.
Then there are many merits. I think that the six paramitas and 4 divine abodes, together, make a good basic list; but can be expanded.
I think the Daimoku is primary and general; but specific cultivations are helpful as appropriate. I see two ways of chanting daimoku as spiritual introspection. One is to reconnect with one's purified consciousness and elicit the 4 innate virtues. The other is self reflection; to observe our current condition; our present unwholesome qualities. Then we can seek the right antidote, to cultivate merit. This can involve deshana and kshama = zange 懺悔. That is my take.
I have to leave. Maybe I can add to this later, if no one objects too much?
robin
Posted by: robin at August 11, 2008 09:41 AMHi Ryuei,
Thanks very much for sending me this to read at the gathering yesterday. We could feel the sincerity of every word.
Like you, it's encouraging to me to think that Byrd liked coming to our house to practice and discuss buddhism. We must have been doing something right. I don't feel much like making determinations right now, but I do hope that the gathering can continue to manifest whatever potential Byrd saw there. Although we've lost two special boddhisattvas, friends and cornerstones of our discussions with the passing of Barbara Pike and now Byrd, we are very fortunate that our gatherings continue to be a real sangha for the rest of us. And we've gained Barbara's sweet little cat, who seems to love the sound of chanting. Her name is Jojo and, unlike Barabara, is very shy.
Yesterday we made some new, in person, friends like Lauren aka Queen Lolo and Paul Julian Gould, both of whom I had known previously online. We reconnected with some friends we haven't seen in awhile like Ernesto Torres and David Riley. David led us in a wonderful guided Tibetan Tonglen meditation helping to make the meeting something that I know Byrd would have loved.
If we continue to just try to have meetings that Byrd would love, then I think our gathering of friends will continue to be a pretty cool place to practice. I'll make that determination.
Thanks again for your beautiful and heartfelt thoughts. And thanks for your support in our multi/non denominational adventure. I'll try as Byrd said, to "be adventurous, be bright, be cool"
(Thanks Lauren)
Bill
Posted by: Bill at August 11, 2008 04:26 PMYou wrote: "It is very hard to be a Buddhist, and esp. a Nichiren Buddhist, in North America these days. It is a lonely path, even for someone like me who lives in the Bay Area where there is a seeming glut of Buddhism."
I'm curious why you feel this way. I've never experienced any difficulty at all being a Buddhist. I find it to be a very quiet, personal, and meaningful approach to life that is usually met by others with interest and respect on the rare occasions I discuss my practice.
Posted by: Queen Lolo at August 12, 2008 12:15 PMHi Queen Lolo,
I don't mean it is hard to be a Buddhist in the sense that I or others are being persecuted. It's not like we're Bahai's in Iran or Jews in the Soviet Union.
And yes, people are generally interested and curious - but in the course of my day I don't come into contact with a lot of people where it would be appropriate to bring it up. I don't go around wearing robes, I don't shave my head, I don't introduce myself as a Buddhist. I am pretty low key. Sunday is the day when I get to be around other Buddhists - and that's great. I just wish there were more of us - more of a community as opposed to a small half-dozen people or so with a very niche spiritual interest that will ikely not be passed on to the future generation.
As for privatized spirituality - that's all well and good. Except for those who go to mega-churches it seems to be what most Americans want out of religion if they are interested in religion or spirituality at all. Just some nice sentiments to get through life, maybe a harmless little practice of quiet sitting, or prayer, or visualization, or generating good vibes and so on. But I grew up Catholic, I went to Catholic schools, and I have been to Japan and Korea and spent time with large Buddhist groups in their home countries. So sometimes I wish I could be part of something that was a larger community, even a spiritual culture and shared way of life - and not just some private spiritual eccentricity.
And when Buddhism does come up - the usual reaction to my practice based on the Lotus Sutra is either total incomprehension or a look of apprehension and something along the lines of of: "Oh, you're one of THOSE people." If I were a Zen Master or a Tibetan Geshe there would be immediate recognition and most likely even some actual respect, "Oh, how marvelous. You must tell me about it. Perhaps you should write a book about what it's like to be a post-punk Zen Master..."
So basically I'm saying that sometimes it feels a little lonely having committed myself to a form of Buddhism that very very few other people share or even know about, and which generally has a bad reputation. (In fact, my wife informed me that just a few weeks ago one of her nephews in Japan needed to be reassured that I had nothing to do with Soka Gakkai because he knew I was a Nichiren Buddhist. In Japan the Yakuza get more respect and are looked upon more favorably than those who are in SGI.)
Namu Myoho Renge Kyo,
Ryuei