I just returned from Japan yesterday and learned this morning through mutual friends in the Gathering that Byrd passed away. For more information see the comments section on her last blog entry. That comment was unfortunately not a joke or prank.
I really don't know what to say at this point other than that I will miss her and I know the Gathering will miss her. Byrd was a very compassionate, wise, and selfless person. She was a wonderful exemplar of American Buddhism and all of our sanghas are much poorer without her.
Namu Myoho Renge Kyo,
Ryuei
The gathering will not be the same without her. But we will carry on. We will honor her and we will do our best. Or so I tell myself. I feel like I am on a precipice, do I fall into the abyss of sadness, superstition and self doubt or do I move forward and try to have faith that we are doing the right thing and try to grow the gathering of friends? Do I stay a Nicheren Buddhist or do I chuck the whole thing? I get so angry thinking that her last few weeks on earth were spent dwelling on the harsh treatment she received from SGI. Then I wonder was it all a farce the whole time? Do I have a real religion that can get me through times like these or is it all a fraud? There will never be another Byrd, no how no way. Byrd's are so rare, they are like the rarest species on earth.
But then I suppose everyone is rare and we will not happily part with anyone, not ever.
Jean, I know how you feel. My first reaction was
anger on hearing of her death. Then someone (thank you) offered another perspective and I realized anger is part of the process of dealing
with death. Byrd was a terrific example of someone
clear headed with her eyes on the Dharma. She followed the Buddha's parting words to use his
teachings, not authority, to judge the truth. So
if I'm to use the lessons and inspiration she gave
us I have to move on from anger.
We can better use that energy to keep asking questions and talking together. Keeping quiet from
superstition is to declare we are victims. Byrd
was first and last NOT a victim.
So, I'll keep on speaking up with respect, maybe
a bit more now. Also, I'll keep in mind that the
last words I say to someone before parting or hanging up are mindful.
Byrd lived with dignity but was also able to carry her ego lightly, not as a blunt weapon. I want to keep that combination in my heart. It's a wholesome way to live. To use an old SGI slogan...she won.
Will you let us know what time you all will be
chanting on Sunday? This way all of Byrd's Sangha
will be able to join you, no matter how far away
we are. Take care, Patty
Hello Jean,
I hope you do not mind me answering you. We have never met, even on line, at least I do not think so. Your letter touched me and maybe, I hope, what I am going to say, my help a little. Sadness at loosing a friend is very natural and to be expected,you will miss Byrd very much....however, like most things in life, the pain gets less with time, although you will often remember the good times with your friend. In some ways our friends are gifts to us and extreemly precious!
When we join groups we need to be very careful not to neglect the friends we have who have nothing to do with these groups. This is something that many people forget. They get SO involved in the "new family" the old go out the window! Not enough time for them etc,etc. If we can not cope with the group we joined at some time and need to leave, this can be extreemly complicated if we are emotionaly involved and then rejected by this "family." it can be devastating. I prick up my ears when the "family language" is used by people involved with religious or other groups....alarm bells ring!! As we know, at there worst families can be extreemly controlling....at there best a comfort and great support.
You ask if you should give up your doubts and move forward. What is the matter with having doubts....surely these doubts are what make you a "searcher" in the first instance!? I do not believe that anyone does not have doubts about religion, and goodness knows what else at some time.
For myself I would never dream of thinking that the particular religion I have chosen to practise, is the "only" answer!!! It seems to me another way of looking at life and trying to understand what it is about! It may be just a lot of rubbish, but doubt it. Trying to live by varous religious schools can be one way of honouring life....unfortunately....religions can be used for power and profit as well! And my goodness this happens all the time!
Superstition comes from ignorance and manipulation. If we become wise and honest we will never tell anyone we have "the answer", but would say....for myself these teachings can perhaps help you to improve your life and those about you. It can open your eyes to the injustices in this world, it can cure you of fear of death, it can make a friend of what was once an enemy....but nothing ever comes about without effort, so with me, please join in the effort of bit by tiny bit improving the lot of this beautiful universe.
As for the treatment of Byrd by some people in SGI....that is of course terrible, but I am pretty sure somewhere in her life Byrd was not too surprised when she was asked not to partake in that service. She will have known that in religions the hardest problems to overcome are hatred of these religions for each other who are the closest in their teachings.If Byrd had been Tibetan school, they would have patted her on the head and said....oh poor dear she will find Nichiren One day! But, no we inthe Nichiren Schools are often WARNED stay away from whichever of the schools we do not belong to...although, the neurotic behavior seems to be between SGI and priestly schools mostly.....and it happens BOTH ways!!! How stupid we are, how is someone going to react when you shout at them YOU ARE WRONG!!!!! With fire and bombs, of course! We must talk....the fashionable word is Dialogue!:-)
If our various leaders tell us otherwise,with threats of Hell Fire and Damnation we must ignore them and at every oportunity talk and share with the percieved "enemy"....that is how we will have peace. The most evil despot can be a loving being at some time,and the most lovely person become a devil at times. We know this don't we! Because we understand how we are!! :-)
So Jean, if you want to do keep on with your group, who knows what may become of it. Each person will influecne their circle of space as they go about life....how many times have we learn't something from someone, just by being with them and talking to them, maybe on a train or in the park....every conversation we have can move people towards light rather than dark.
I hope the above does not sound like a lecture, but it is not meant to be, just want to share some of my thoughts.
Please take care of yourself.
With Gassho Suzanne
Posted by: Suzanne Rees Glanister at August 8, 2008 09:22 AMI agree with both of your comments. At the same time I know from personal experience how Byrd must have felt being shunned by SGI. It's not a pleasant experience even when you anticipate it. Of course our individuallity, our place on this planet and even Buddhism itself are all larger than any petty religious dictates and social pecking order,(essentially that is what SGI boils down to, one day you're in and the next day you're out, sort of like Project Runway). But we are human and we still have feelings and at some level it hurts to be rejected no matter what. The Gathering is our grand adventure, our rebellion and a way to keep practicing with other people who don't have an agenda. Byrd was a major contributer and sort of our rock. I love change for the most part, but not this way. Not out of left field.(who does) But of course this is all part of the process, I will get past it, but like you said it's going to take time. Thank you so much for your comments, they are truly appreciated and are helping me to cope.
We will be chanting Sunday afternoon from around 4:00pm to 5:30
Posted by: Jean Anker at August 8, 2008 06:43 PMHello Jean,
Yes I absolutely agree about being rejected by "the group"....there are two ways of doing things when one sees a wrong....stay quiet and be no problem to "the family"....or get up and say something! However, beware, if you decide the later....it maybe the begining of a journey into lonely place of having no sangha....But then, it has always been the people who stand up against repression in one way or another that get abused and so on! It is a lonely journey. We all have to be thankful to those that have chosen the path of protest again oppression though! The great teacher Nichiren seems to have been one of those people. When he died he had been rejected by the main-stream schools, but he had his faithful desciples about him, even if they were not that numerous....Byrd was the same, all those people who have written with love and respect to her, are in my mind...her faithful discples!
If we decide to challenge cruelty, oppression etc. it is quite likely we will be rejected if our group is narrow-minded and afraid of being exposed to others as not being "perfect"!
Shall be with you all on Sunday.
All the best for future. Take care of yourselves, Suzanne
Posted by: Suzanne Rees Glanister at August 9, 2008 12:46 AMDear Jean,
You are not alone. Please write me anytime. In
a way I'll never really get past it. But it
will makes me grow. And it really is possible
to come to a place where the anger and pain don't
blindside you. Opening our eyes to truth is sometimes like a hard slap. The treatment we
got from what we thought was our refuge is almost
like a mother bird pushing the baby from the nest
so it can fly. A function of the Buddha even
when it wasn't intended that way.
What you're feeling is normal, if painful. I
do know how it feels because I've been there.
It will be lonely without Byrd. She spoke so well
and had gentle good humor that always made me
more tolerant of those who had no good will
toward the Gathering.
I'll be with you at the Gathering tomorrow
chanting for Byrd, (your time from 4 til 5:30). Please take care, Patty