As I've written about here before, I've been playing Dungeons and Dragons with my daughter for the last couple of years, sometimes just she and I, sometimes with a friend of hers (another 10 year old girl). It's amazing the difference between playing the game with little girls and my recollections of playing the game with my brother back when I was 16 and he was 13. My daughter (and her friends) like to play elf princesses with magical power with names like Ruby Rainbow. My brother used to play warlord barbarians with names like Urvoch of the Blooded Axe. The game with my daughter revolves around making journeys to visit friends and family and befriending animals and fantastic creatures (like unicorns or intelligent giant eagles or even friendly ghosts). The game with my brother revolved around killing things and taking their stuff (actually to my brothers credit his characters usually went around looking for the truly evil to put the smack down on - and then he took their stuff). My daughter has even mentioned the difference. She told me that the boys in her school also play D&D and bring the books to school but, she says, their game is different than ours. She says their games are all about monsters and fighting, whereas her game is about beautiful elf kingdoms, enchanted forests, and her search for a pegasus to ride.
Now actually there has been plenty of action and adventure in the stories I've been creating for my daughter. There have been pirates, and monsters, and a challenge to win magical treasures by getting past elemental spirits. But without even instructing her, my daughter has tended to use spells to incapacitate (dizzying sprays of color or magic webs to catch or hinder her opponents) or to get around things without hurting them (spider climbing spells or flying away on giant eagle back). It makes her sad when anything has to be killed - even if its just her friendly eagle hunting rabbits in the forest and swallowing them whole as apparently eagles do according to the Scholastic series of books on animals we have at home. And that's as it should be for her at this age. So is my daughter's style of play an inferior version of D&D? Is the 13 year old boy "kill things and take their stuff" approach the correct way?
I think where things go off the tracks is when little girls grow up into women who do not let go of the sentimentality of a worldview of pollyanna niceness, care bears and unicorns. Sometimes firm action is called for, and sometimes life can be ugly and scary and it is best not to be cowardly or cry foul but to just roll up one's sleeves and see how to make things better and then just do it no matter what the risk or who gets ticked off. Likewise, things are off track when little boys grow up but do not let go of the mentality of beating others and getting all the good stuff for themselves. Even little boys need to grow up to become mature men who can recognize that oftentimes fighting and having a belligerent or grasping spirit just makes things worse.
What is the adult alternative to the "fighting spirit" of the 13 year old boy or the naive sentimentality of the 10 year old girl?
For his part, the Buddha recommended that people cultivate the following five faculties with which all circumstances could be met:
a spirit of faith, as in trust and confidence in oneself and the practice
a spirit of endeavor, so as to do what must be done and refrain from what makes things worse
a spirit of mindfulness so as to be aware of one's actions and attitudes and their suitability to the situation at hand, and thereby be able to make adjustments accordingly
a spirit of concentration so as to remain focused and grounded
a spirit of wisdom so as to see how things actually are free of the turbulence of attachment, aversion, and ignorance and instead to view things with the eyes of loving-kindness, compassion, sympathetic joy, and equanimity
I think these are the faculties that mature adults eventually cultivate. It is these five that bring little boys out of the "kill things and take their stuff" frame of mind and the little girls out the enchanted forest where nothing means any real harm and one can avoid life and death struggles.
Namu Myoho Renge Kyo,
Ryuei
From my own experience as a gamer, DnD is more than just killing and taking stuff. It's also about decision-making and teamwork. An RPG (role-playing game), when nicely done, can be a good tool to develop such qualities. You can even teach Buddhist principles through RPGs. :)
Posted by: Goh at September 12, 2007 03:09 PMRev. Ryuei -
Almost completely off-topic, but I think you'll like this:
especially the office-warrior weapons.
Namaste, Engyo Mike Barrett
Posted by: Engyo Mike Barrett at September 18, 2007 03:08 PM