Real Life with Ryuei

My Sarcastic Response to the Castro News

Don't read the following if you don't want to see me at my more cantankerous.

The following is an article I pulled from yahoo news interspersed with my own quips and remarks which will be in bold:

Castro remains out of sight after surgery By ANITA SNOW, Associated Press Writer
48 minutes ago

HAVANA - Fidel Castro, who has wielded absolute power in Cuba for nearly half a century, remained out of sight Tuesday after undergoing intestinal surgery and temporarily turning over power to his brother Raul.

The surprise announcement that Castro had been operated on to repair a "sharp intestinal crisis with sustained bleeding" stunned Cubans on the island and in exile, and marked the first time that Castro, two weeks away from 80th birthday, had relinquished power in 47 years of rule.

On this island 90 miles south of Florida, people went about their business as normal on the streets of Havana early Tuesday, standing in line for buses to school and work, and jogging along the city's famous Malecon seawall.

Some government work centers called workers to participate in outdoor political gatherings later Tuesday to express their support for Fidel Castro. Dozens of workers at one gathering waved small Cuban flags and shouted: "Long live Fidel!"

"There is no one else like him," said Osmar Fernandez, 27, drinking rum at a cafe. "I want Fidel to live for 80 more years."

Right, and are you saying that because you are sucking up to your government's party line? Or do you usually go around saying meaningless drivel like "may so and so live to be 160 because he is such a cool frood about whom such inane remarks should be made"?

Government opponents said the move gave them hope for eventual openings in the island's political and economic systems.

"It's clear that this is the start of the transition," activist Manuel Cuesta Morua said. "This gives Cuba the opportunity to have a more rational leadership because ... the top leaders will be obligated to consult each other (rather than be ruled by one man)."

Bwahahahahaha! You think having a tight little oligarchy of competing elitist special interests is an improvement! Bwahahahahaha! Oh, these people are so quaint and charming.

The news came Monday night in a statement read on state television by his secretary, Carlos Valenciaga. The message said Castro's condition was apparently due to stress from a heavy work schedule during recent trips to Argentina and eastern Cuba. He did not appear on the broadcast.

Castro, dude, you are almost 80 years old. Communist dictator or not - it's time to retire!

Castro, who took control of Cuba in 1959, resisted repeated U.S. attempts to oust him and survived communism's demise elsewhere, also said in the statement that he was temporarily handing over leadership of the Communist Party to his younger brother.

Raul Castro, the defense minister who turned 75 in June, also did not appear on television and made no statement on his own. For decades the constitutional successor to his brother, Raul Castro has assumed a more public profile in recent weeks.

Of course, handing the reins of government over to someone else who should have long since retired is naturally the best course for long term stability.

Fidel Castro last appeared in public Wednesday as he marked the 53rd anniversary of his July 26 barracks assault that launched the revolution. The Cuban leader seemed thinner than usual and somewhat weary during a pair of long speeches in eastern Cuba.

"The operation obligates me to undertake several weeks of rest," Castro's letter read. Extreme stress "had provoked in me a sharp intestinal crisis with sustained bleeding that obligated me to undergo a complicated surgical procedure."

The calm delivery of the announcement appeared to signal that there would be an orderly succession should Fidel Castro become permanently incapacitated.

White House spokesman Peter Watkins said U.S. authorities were monitoring the situation: "We can't speculate on Castro's health, but we continue to work for the day of Cuba's freedom."

This is their tactful ways of saying "Alright! High fives all around! Die you old communist fart! Die! Die Die!" Following by ghoulish chortling and cackling.

On Monday, before Castro's illness was announced, President Bush was in Miami and spoke of the island's future.

"If Fidel Castro were to move on because of natural causes, we've got a plan in place to help the people of Cuba understand there's a better way than the system in which they've been living under," he told WAQI-AM Radio Mambi, a Spanish-language radio station. "No one knows when Fidel Castro will move on. In my judgment, that's the work of the Almighty."

Because, of course, God the Almighty is in the employ of the CIA.

Three weeks ago, a U.S. presidential commission called for an $80 million program to bolster non-governmental groups in Cuba for the purpose of hastening an end to the country's communist system.

It is official U.S. policy to "undermine" Cuba's planned succession to Raul Castro. At the time the commission report was released, Bush said, "We are actively working for change in Cuba, not simply waiting for change."

Because of course it is very neighborly to undermine one's neighbors. Didn't Jesus say, "Undermine your neighbor as you would undermine yourself"? Or was that "Do unto others before they do unto you"? What, Jesus didn't teach that way? Wow. I guess I have to crack open my Bible again.

Oh, and of course, the Cuban people are totally incapable of taking their destiny in their own hands for good or ill. They really need to look to Big Brother to tell them how to better their society. It's not like our streets aren't filled with homeless people, and our infrastructure isn't breaking down all around us with our public transportation systems operating haphardly at best and all our grocery stores closing and our power grids threatening to shut down, and our cities getting flooded because we can't bother to make them hurricane proof and so on. And of course our portfolio of reconstructing tryannical dictatorships into perfect pictures of democratic capitalist utopias is so awe inspiring that the Cuban's should be chomping at the bit to get some of the same action as Afghanistan, Iraq, Somalia, and so on. Yessirree, there is no way the Cubans should be left to their own devices because they just don't have good old American (as in the USA which is the only America that counts) know-how. Or is that no-how?

Castro has resisted U.S. demands for multiparty elections and an open economy and has insisted his socialist system would long outlive him.

Ok, this is not so much a smart-ass remark as my true feeling: I know of no reason that a successful socialist system should not be compatible with multiparty elections, and socialism does not have to totally preclude elements of the free market. In fact, real socialism is about the workers themselves owning and operating the means of production, not the government becoming one big monopoly - which is what Communism seems to be. Socialism does take sacrifices and planning and also flexibility. Western Europe has had fairly successful socialist democracies for decades, though granted the taxes are high but on the other hand when I was in Denmark the country seemed clean and well run and the people seemed fairly happy. In fact, Copenhagen was a lot nicer than any American city I have been to. I may not know all the ends and outs of politics and economics, but I don't buy that socialism has to preclude freedom of choice, or that it necessarily involves a monopolistic control of the economy by the government.

Cuban exiles celebrated in the streets of Miami, but Havana's streets were quiet overnight as Cubans awaited further word on Castro's condition.

And of course celebrating someone's death or impending demise really shows the maturity and sophistication of the community. And does anyone remember North Korea? Kim Il Sung's demise changed nothing. It seems people like to count their chickens before they hatch, but unfortunately more often than not the chickens come home to roost.

It was unknown when or where the surgery took place or where Castro was recovering.

A leftist Argentine lawmaker, Miguel Bonasso, said he called Castro aides Monday night and was told the surgery "was successful" and the leader was resting.

Ongoing intestinal bleeding can be serious and potentially life-threatening, said Dr. Stephen Hanauer, gastroenerology chief at the University of Chicago hospitals. He said it was difficult to deduce the cause of Castro's bleeding without knowing what part of the digestive tract was affected.

Ulcers are a common cause of bleeding in the stomach or upper intestine. Stress used to be blamed but is no longer believed to be a cause of ulcers, he said.

Right, because of course stress doesn't at all have a debilitating effect on our systems that might cause a cascade effect that would throw everyting else out of whack and leave one open to things like ulcers. We shouldn't at all consider that possibility.

A condition called diverticulosis also can provoke bleeding in the lower intestine, especially in people over age 60, Hanauer said. The condition involves weakened spots in the intestinal lining that form pouches, which can become inflamed and provoke bleeding.

Fidel Castro seemed optimistic of recovery, asking that celebrations scheduled for his 80th birthday on Aug. 13 be postponed until Dec. 2, the 50th anniversary of Cuba's Revolutionary Armed Forces.

With Havana's streets calm, an electronic news ticker at the U.S. diplomatic mission provided the only clue that something dramatic had occurred inside Cuba's government: "All Cubans, including those under the dictatorship, can count on our help and support. We respect the wishes of all Cubans."

As long as those wishes coincide with our own of course.

Waiters at a popular cafe in Old Havana were momentarily stunned by the news but quickly returned to work.

"He'll get better, without a doubt," said Agustin Lopez, 40. "There are really good doctors here, and he's extremely strong."

Oh of course. In fact, Castro is actually immortal. This illness is just a kind of divine play to make sure that no one takes him for granted. He will actually never really get sick and die and you will never have to think beyond him. He will always be present to watch over and protect you and think for you. And if it ever seems like he might pass away - just clap your hands and think happy thoughts and he will recover and rule your country in perpetuity.

You f'ing morons, get a clue why don't you.

But Martha Beatriz Roque, a leading Cuban government opponent in Havana, said she believed Castro must be gravely ill to have stepped aside — even temporarily.

"No one knows if he'll even be alive Dec. 2 when he's supposed to celebrate his birthday," she said.

She added that opposition members worried they could be targeted for repression during a government change — especially if authorities fear civil unrest.

What? Someone who's not a Castro flunky actually has the brains to observe that his death may not necessarily lead to sugar plums and gum drops? This is amazing!

Venezuelan President Hugo Chavez, Castro's strongest international ally, expressed distress during a visit to Vietnam. He said he called the Cuban leader's office after hearing the news.

"We wish President Fidel Castro will recover rapidly. Viva Fidel Castro!"

Because of course Hugo Chavez won't know whose coat tails to ride if Castro dies.

Hey, maybe the CIA has some of those exploding cigars left over from the 50s. They could have Pat Roberston send Hugo Chavez a box as a "peace offering" and when he blows himself up he can meet up with Castro in the afterlife and suck up to him for eternity.

Chinese President Hu Jintao also sent a message of good wishes to Castro, the official Xinhua News Agency said.

Because of course the Chinese care so deeply about Cuba. I wonder if they had any trouble locating it on a map? Because after all, most Americans probably couldn't find Taiwan on a map if their lives depended on it.

Across the Florida straits in Miami, exiles waved Cuban flags on Little Havana's Calle Ocho, shouting "Cuba! Cuba! Cuba!" as drivers honked their horns. Over nearly five decades, hundreds of thousands of Cubans have fled Castro's rule, many of them settling in Miami.

See, once Castro dies the evil spell will be broken. There will be a huge CGI lightshow like display as the Magickal Commie Shield over the whole island will finally come into view and then crack and disperse while Castro's skull shaped palace will explode in blue flames and get sucked into a abyssal vortex. With the spell broken, all the Cubans in Cuba will shake their heads in wonder and say, "Where are we? What's going on? What year is it?" They will then realize their folly and will invite all the children and grandchildren of the gangsters and robber-barons who fled to Miami to return and take up their rightful rule over the peons who had remained in Cuba under the Communist spell. This is why the Cubans in Miami are celebrating in anticipation.

Castro has been in power since the Jan. 1, 1959, triumph of the armed revolution that drove out dictator Fulgencio Batista. He has been the world's longest-ruling head of government and his ironclad rule has ensured Cuba's place among the world's five remaining communist countries, along with China, Vietnam, Laos and North Korea.

Just to be clear the only people I dislike more than religious fundamentalists are Communists. So I won't shed a tear when these regimes bite the dust. Unfortunately, I remember what happened when Yugoslavia crumbled, and sometimes chaos and ethnic strife is even worse. You trade in a regimented evil for a chaotic evil. What is needed is not naive dreams and plots of destablization and undermining or even invasion - but a more natural internally generated evolution of economics and society. This is something that is only forced with disastrous results, esp. if forced by outsiders who don't truly appreciate the internal dynamics of a given society. I am not saying we shouldn't keep Communist or Muslim Theocracies contained and do all we can to make their people aware that there are better ways to live. But I do not believe that campaigns of aggression or "undermining" are helpful to anyone.

The son of a prosperous plantation owner, Castro's official birthday is Aug. 13, 1926, although some say he was born a year later.

Talk of Castro's mortality was taboo until June 23, 2001, when he fainted during a speech in the sun. Although Castro quickly recovered, many Cubans understood for the first time that their leader would eventually die.

Because of course none of the Cuban's had ever left their palace gardens and so they never saw the old man, the sick man, and the funeral procession that Siddhartha saw. Hmmm, maybe if Castro dies, all the Cuban's will be so shocked by the reality of birth and death that they will all leave their homes, shave their heads, don saffron robes and sit in samadhi until they attain buddhahood. Then Cuba will become the new spiritual homeland of all mankind - and all because Fidel Castro in expediently passing away taught his subjects the truth that all that is born must someday die!

Castro shattered a kneecap and broke an arm when he fell after a speech on Oct. 20, 2004, but laughed off rumors about his health, most recently a 2005 report he had Parkinson's disease.

But the Cuban president also said he would not insist on remaining in power if he ever became too sick to lead: "I'll call the (Communist) Party and tell them I don't feel I'm in condition ... that please, someone take over the command."

"Please, please, I'm begging you. I have to stop, please let me retire, I beg of you. Haven't I sacrificed enough for you people!"

I think I have to restrain a tear, oh what a selfless martyr for the people! Bearing the burden for all these years because no one else could. He is like a Communist Atlas bearing up the world on his shoulders. Truly a hero like no other.

Pfeh, just another micromanaging control freak.

Anyway, the depths of stupidity in this article on the part of everyone involved just inspired me to let loose with all this bile. To see such childish observations and transparent nonsense and condescension and arrogance played out on the stage of global politics in such a blatant way really sickens me.

Well here is my final thought:

I wish the Cuban people well - particularly the one's in Cuba. I hope that they are able to feel free to speak their hearts and minds and to construct a society that is of their own choosing and not that of some demagogue or some gangsters in Miami or of some schemers in Washington D.C.

I hope that Fidel Castro recovers, retires, and has time to reflect on his life. I hope that his eventual demise is enlightening and peaceful. I wish the same for his brother. I wish that they realize and repent of their misdeeds. I wish that any they may have harmed also find peace and reconcilitation whether in this life or in a future birth.

I hope that the people or the USA (including the expatriot Cubans) are able to awaken to what it means to be a good neighbor and that when help is extended it is not done in an arrogant or condescending way, and that such help is humanitarian and not violent, and that such help is really help and not for the sake of self-serving ulterior motives, and finally that such help is to authentically build up and not to undermine or destabilize.

So those are my thoughts on this.

Posted by Ryuei at August 1, 2006 11:41 AM