Real Life with Ryuei

Explaining birth and death and rebirth and redeath to my seven year old daughter

Just the other day I found myself trying to explain what happens to
people and animals when they die to my seven year old daughter.
Julie's aunt in Japan died while she was there visiting last summer
and it was a very tragic time and Julie was right there for the
funeral and cremation and everything. Everyone told her that her
aunt went to heaven and that we were all chanting for her sake. This
past Sunday she asked if pets go to heaven. This is probably because
Yumi and I were talking about my parents concern for their very old
and sickly orange tabby Tiger. So I decided it was time to explain
the Buddhist view as simply as I could. Here's how it worked out:

I showed her a picture from my copy of the Bhagavad Gita As It Is
(yes, the Hare Krishna translation with all the hokey but useful
pictures in it) of the spectrum of life that goes from skeleton to
fetus to baby to the person in various stages of growth, maturity,
decline, old age, and then death and on to fetus form again. This is
a depiction of reincarnation but works to illustrate the Buddhist
concept of rebirth as well if one explains that it is karma and not
a "self" that is being transferred. But she is too young for such
subtle distinctions now anyway. So, I showed her this picture and
told her this is where we come from - we are wrapped up and very
tiny and stay in our mother's womb (I then referred to the picture
of the pregnant woman on the outer ring of the Tibetan Wheel of
Becoming that I used in Dharma Flower that depicts the twelvefold
chain of dependent originiation). Before being a fetus and then a
baby, we were someone different who had died (referring to the
skeleton in the Bhagavad Gita picture). After we are born (referring
to the picture of the woman giving birth on the outer ring of the
Wheel of Becoming) we begin to grow up and get older (referring back
to the Bhagavad Gita picture). I then asked her how old she was
compared to the stages of maturity so she pointed to a young child.
I then asked her how old I was and she pointed to the full grown man
in the center, then I asked her how old her Ojisan (her grandfather
in Japan who is in his eighties and is now bedridden after his
stroke a couple of years ago) is and she pointed to the very old man
just before the stage of dying. Then I pointed out that after death
a new life in the form of a new baby will appear. At this point I
referred to the outer ring of the Wheel again where a funeral
follows the birth and then the whole new cycle of life begins anew.
She seemed to grasp this.

Then I turned her attention to the six worlds and explained that
they showed the human world, the animals, the hungry ghosts, the
fighting demons, the heavens, and the hells. I told her that one can
be born in any of these according to the Buddha and briefly
explained that people who are nice and that we chant for have a good
chance of going to heaven, but that no one stays in any of them
forever but must die and be born again (referring back to the stages
of birth and death in the picture from the Gita). People may become
people again. People who are very mean and full of hatred and hurt
others will go to hell. People who just want to fight all the time
will become fighting demons. People who are too greedy will become
hungry ghosts, and people who don't think about what they are doing
will become animals. She seemed to understand this and in fact
pretended to be an official in heaven barring the fighting demons
from coming in by crossing her arms and saying, "You can't come in
if you keep fighting!" (Julie loves to pretend to be the teacher or
authority figure who gets to tell others what to do - something we
need to work on because I don't want her to grow up being bossy and
unable to mind her own business.)

Then I showed her the inner ring that shows people falling down or
climbing up. Inside that ring in the very center is a rooster, snake and pig.
I told her that the people going up are the ones who do good things for
others and the people falling are the ones who are selfish and do bad things.
They fall or rise within these six worlds. I then told her the three animals are
acting in ways that we should avoid so we don't fall down. The rooster does
nothing but eat all the time pecking at the ground and so is very greedy. The
snake likes to bite people because it is angry. The pig wallows in the mud and
is lazy and foolish. So we should not be like these animals if we want to move
up into the human or heavenly world. She seemed to understand that too.

I then explained why there were bodhisattvas in each of the six
worlds. I had told her not to worry about them until I had explained
the rest. I told her they were there to help everyone learn about
Buddhism and Namu Myoho Renge Kyo so that everyone could move into
the human and heavenly worlds and become more like the Buddha. She
asked me if this was why we chanted and went to the temple - so
that we could pray for her aunt and other people. I told her that
was part of the reason but we also chant so that we can become
better people right now.

Then I told her - we believe your aunt went to heaven because she
was very nice and a basically good person and also because we
chanted Odaimoku for her so that she would hear it and move to the
heavens or even come back later as a new baby. As for pets,
according to the Buddha they might come back in any of the other
worlds including heaven or even as people. (Anyway, heaven wouldn't
be complete if I somehow get there and my late dog Boo Boo isn't
around.) I'm not sure how much of that part she understood but it
seemed to satisfy her question. She asked me later if we could look
at the pictures and talk about them again sometime.

(The following is more pertinent to the other list where this post
originally appeared but I will leave it here anyway):

So I did not get into the distinctions between rebirth and
reincarnation with her, or the distinctions between a self that
reincarnates in contrast to a process of karmic inheritance wherein
there is no fixed self. But I did want to make sure that she
understood the traditional Buddhist view on the level a child can
appreciate so as to preempt and/or counteract any Judeo-Christian or
Islamic programming floating around in our culture. As she matures I
will explain things in a more refined and sophisticated way. In the
beginning the Hindu and Buddhist view (esp. the more mythic or
literal version that I am presenting to her) may not seem different
at all - but as she matures so will her ability to understand the
subtleties and important differences between the two views. And I
will also demythologize it for her and help her to think about these
things from both a scientific and a faith perspective so she can
think it though on her own and decide what makes sense. I will let
myself be guided by her questions and try to gauge her responses to
both traditional and more modern ways of thinking about these
things. For now, I am more concerned that she appreciate that birth
and death is natural, and that there is no need to worry about what
happens to those who die, but that people go where they need to go,
that they are still with us in many ways, and that no matter what we
can chant for all those we love whether living or dead. She didn't
seem distraught or confused by anything I told her, and she seemed
reassured that her aunt is in heaven, and eager to learn more. So
hopefully I explained things in the right way for her at this time.

Namu Myoho Renge Kyo,
Ryuei

Posted by Ryuei at December 14, 2004 03:44 PM