Reverend Greg

Hymn to Him

He was my first real teacher. Spiritual teacher, life teacher, drum teacher, All of these things were integrated naturally given the time in mine, and his life.

Illusions

I haven’t seen him since the drum corps season of 1980. He was the snare instructor of the snare line in which I played. He was, at the time, the most amazing snare drummer of that age and perhaps still is - which is a curious phenomena in itself. He didn’t win every solo contest, but in hindsight I understand that and perhaps always did. Some one with his level of natural talent is a prodigy, and essentially in the competitive world is born with a target stenciled on his back. The were a couple of guys who were determined beyond reason to beat him in the national solo contests, and they did. Nonetheless he won his share.

He remains in my mind the epitome of the perfect sensei, the perfect guru held on high on his, or my imaginary pedestal. A fellow snare drummer who only marched in 1978, not 78, 79 and 80 as I did still considers him his greatest spiritual teacher. He was not in the line for the 1980 season when events when quite contrary to what we all had come to expect. Our teacher, both victim of events which were completely out of our control, and also distracted by a love interest, was fired from his job of snare teacher during that summer’s tour in a desperate effort to salvage our competitive effort which had been utterly and savagely sabotaged by the director in a vicious power struggle.

Not fully understanding the true nature of the politics involved in drum corps of that era, I resented my teacher for years - for decades, for being fallible and imperfect. This was an expectation he himself had created, I felt, and his failure was an outrage to me. My departure at the end of 1980 from competitive drum corps was a sort of sour rite of passage, one which would remain an important lesson in all the areas of my life. The lesson was simply - beware those who pretend to be that which isn’t possible. It’s still a good lesson, but one which completely transcends my experience with the teacher to whom this blog is addressed.

Avoid narcissists under any circumstance.

Is he a narcissist? Hard to tell. Five minutes in person would expose his potential narcissism to me. Since 1980 I have had extensive experience with this personality type and have unfortunately, in my individual path of self-discovery, been an enabler of those people.

I recently received a copy of an instructional rudimental DVD he made in the early 90’s. I am utterly transfixed by it. For one, I have never seen him “old”. He was only a few years older than myself in fact. In reality he was extremely young to have played in the drum and bugle corps he did. He was a prodigy after all. Certainly he looks even older now.

What I desire most is to talk with him, intimately. I wish we could discuss the events of the 70’s and 80’s. I wish I could enjoy the opportunity to reconcile my feelings with him and apologize for my unreasonable expectations I had of him throughout the years.

What I so deeply wish to understand is whether or not having such an extreme natural talent as he does, and I never did, hinder one’s path of self-discovery? Does being so good at something naturally lead someone to attempt to maintain their illusion of perfection?

I have always been “better than average” at most of what I’ve done. In martial arts I am happy to be considered average, especially factoring in physical disabilities such as my back problems. I was in fact a better-than-average snare drummer, but even that level of ability is enough to create the desire to want to be as good as someone like my teacher, or perhaps the other guys who beat him.

Clearly, I never was.

From a Buddhist perspective, I believe this is a hindrance when one looks at the lifetime goal of attaining enlightenment. If you are having a difficult time understanding what I’m referring to, just pick your prodigy of choice, Yo-yo Ma on cello, Mikhail Baryshnikov in dancing, perhaps Buddy Rich on drumset - truly this is the level of talent applied to rudimental snare drum, at least in my honest opinion. How does one self-discover when one becomes an icon?

When one’s lifetime path of discovery is completely overshadowed by an art at which one is supremely talented in, how does that person ever discovery who they really are, and more importantly, how does discover the wonder and mystery in their own journey through their lifetime, eventually growing old and dying?

That which one does with their hands - that does not live on. Einstein’s work continues, Picasso’s art still preservers, but rudimental snare drumming and what my teacher has accomplished, is that vital enough to take it’s place among the great works of human existence?

Am I truly a child of a lesser God? I may never know - I am quite certain I will never have that conversation with him.

Rev. Greg Dilley

Posted by revgreg at April 13, 2006 07:23 AM