Robin Beck

Sentimental Journey

As I mentioned at Chuck's blog; my Mom recently passed away. In early February, she had lost her ability to swallow. She declined a feeding tube; and was expected to pass away Valentine's day; the 18th Anniversary of my Dad's departure from this world. As it was, she stayed until the end of the month; and left us on February 28th.

There is More:

I had been to see her at Carle Hospital Hospice Ward on the Thursday before Valentine's. She was apparently asleep, so my wife and chatted with my two of my sisters. a niece, a nephew, and a few other people who stopped by. During that time, we had discussed Mom's pensions and Social Security check. The rules are ambiguous. It appeared that she might have to return the Social Security check received the month she passed away. I had asked my brother to look into that. I also mentioned several times that I needed to get back home, before nightfall, because snow was coming. I-57, a north south Interstate that breaks of I-55 in Illinois, can be totally nightmarish in snow, especially at night; and the one way trip was about 100 miles.

Just as I was ready to leave, Mom sort of woke up. I imagine she had been conscious the whole time. She was not in good shape; had lost her ability to speak some time before the last illness. She had also dropped considerable weight, to about 60 lbs; due to being unable to swallow, perhaps for ten days or more. We spoke as we had always; life to life. She even told me, with a shrug, that she did not mind that I had grown my hair and beard long; that had been a sore point the last few years. She also assured me she was no longer afraid. About then, my niece came back with muffins; so we sat down, ate, and chatted. A couple times, someone suggested I should go on home, on account of the snow storm that was headed our way.

One of the visitors told me, "Rob, look, your Mom's asleep again, you can go now."

I replied, "Well, I shall go; but Mom is not really sleeping, She just wants to let me leave without feeling guilty."

Mom grinned about as big as she was able; and shut her eyes more tightly. That was Mom. Even on her death bed, it was all about everyone else's needs. I knew she would not truly be asleep while I was there; she might miss out on something. By the way, she had, with a nurse's help, called me from home a few weeks prior. In a barely audible voice, she told me she was afraid. I had told her that there nothing to fear.

They sent her home to die right after Valentine's Day. She held on for the rest of the month. I am not sure how a person lives a month or more without being able to swallow. Part of was that all three of my sisters had come to stay with her. One lives nearby, but the other two live far away. Mom was afraid she might miss out on something. Also, I wonder if she was worried we might have to give all or part of her February income back. I was discussing this with my {older} brother right after the funeral. He had made the contacts on the pensions. The State University System had already caught seen her obit and stopped it,. Evidently, they, and Social Security, have people who do nothing but go through obituaries. A few years ago, Social Security tried to cut Mom off; because someone with the same name had died. My brother mentioned, "Oh, by the way. It turns out if Mom had lived another day, she could have kept the March check."

I replied, "Whoops, If Mom had know that, she would have held on another day and done so."

He laughed. I think Mom did too. We all have her dry and sometimes silly of humor. I have another anecdote; but I shall post that another day. One thing, the Funeral was a Methodist Funeral. As a Buddhist; should I have fely awkward? Not at all. The people were loverly. Loverly. Deklightful. One thing I do; after Daimoku, is to warnify it with metta-karuna bhavana {Buddhist Kindness and compassion cultivation}. It makes it, well, warmer.

Is Daimoku lacking? No; but it is, for me, mainly an insight and / or energy mantra. It is cool and objective; and done certain ways, propels me to act. It also feeds my arid and sarcastic sense humor. I got that from Dad. Anyway, before going to attend the funeral, I did some rather intense metta-karuna bhavana to open my heart to the occasion; and mostly to radiate warmth and light; to not feel awkward or out of place in any way.

Oh, one other thing, hospice care means death watch. There were awkward moments during February. After I told people she was in hospice; they would tell me they hoped she would feel better soon. When she was sent home; they would kind of assume she was better. I still appreciated the sentiments; and Mom would have appreciated the nuance.

Wilma Beck [obituary] (October 7, 1922 - February 28, 2009)

The Homily / sermon from the funeral is below the playlist. On the music, Mom loved Tommy Dorsey and Glenn Miller. She and Dad were Jitterbuggers.

Funeral Sermon for Billie Beck, March 4, 2009, MUMC

Rev. Jeremiah W C. Thompson
Mahomet UMC: A Growing Place
1302 E. South Mahomet Road
Mahomet, IL 61853

Texts: Ecclesiastes 3:1-8 and John 14:2-3

Would you all please join me in an attitude of prayer; Loving God guide our thoughts and words this day you are the Potter we are the clay, in the name of Christ we pray, Amen.

The writer of the Book of Ecclesiastes touched on the diversity of life when he or she recorded the words we just read more than two millennia ago. A full life and a life worth living is fill up with many experiences, highs and lows. Life’s diversity consists of numerous tasks and activities, joyful new things, and times of pain and difficulty. Billie’s long life demonstrated the complexity and paradoxes that Ecclesiastes touches on.

Billie was a person of many talents and interests; such as an avid card player and her bridge playing led to many great friendships amongst the members of the Champaign and Mahomet Bridge Clubs. Billie enjoyed Fighting Illini games, and was an avid basketball fan (a trait I have found common in many native Kansans.) Conversation came easy to Billie, and she had a reputation as a great talker who deeply valued friendliness. Even in her last year of life, when I first met her, she would always try to talk to me when I would visit or to daughters, friends, or whoever else was in the room. Billie possessed a wonderful sense of humor, and had no problems being a bit silly. The Halloween costumes she made for her children and the costumes she herself wore when delivering Meals on Wheels were proof of her love of doing the unexpected. She loved to entertain and organize parties and events. One of the ways she reached out to her community, even was by organizing the senior citizen coffees here in Mahomet, and she enjoyed making crafts and favors for those events in keeping with whatever season of the year it was.

Billie wasn’t just interested in diversions and amusements. She had a very sharp mind. In an era when many women didn’t finish HS she was a college graduate, from Southwestern College in Winfield, KS, one of the best colleges in the plains. Billie was not just an educated women, Billie shared and I say ministered to others by being an educator as well. She taught English, and I am told raised her children to know their grammar. Billie also taught Home Economics while also running a school cafeteria as well, and later she spent many years as a substitute teacher as well, to the occasional chagrin of her children.

Billie was socially and politically involved. She lived out her Christian sense of justice and fair play. She was an active member of the League of Women Voters, and also served her community as a jury watcher in Champaign. Billie knew that a life without education and learning is a life not fully lived. Billie used the intellectual gifts God gave her to educate others and work for positive social change, for that she should be honored and for that she was loved.

Billie also knew of the sadness and disappointment that Ecclesiastes 3 speaks of, and she demonstrated a faith that did not wither in the midst of life’s difficulties. She knew it was not God’s will that she or anyone suffer and her faith and her family let her endure. She lost her husband Gerald after 45 happy years of marriage. The last two decades of her life were difficult as well. She endured many strokes which robbed her of the control and dexterity in her body that she had once known, and eventually robbed her of much of her ability to talk clearly. She faced disability and finally the damage done to her took her life. This was a long and painful period in her life, but she faced it with the courage determination she showed in all things. In her declining years Billie still worked her body and made the best of her limitations and she lived as much as she could on her own terms. Billie well knew there was a time for birth and a time for death.

In the midst of all these other activities and seasons of life, Billie was a wife and mother. Billie loved Gerald and took pride in all he accomplished academically as with his nuclear research. Billie also bore and raised 5 children. As I visited with Billie and Nancy, Sunny, and Sherry in her final weeks I could see the profound love in the family. Billie loved her children and was devoted to them. She took the time to communicate, and her daughters told me that Billie’s willingness to listen and talk to them each week and help them make sense of their lives was a great blessing as they went through some tumultuous times. Billie believed that family was vital, and she nurtured her family, and then when she was no longer able to her family nurtured her in the ways she needed in her final years and days.

Finally most importantly, Billie was a Christian a daughter of the Living God. She knew whose she was and where to put her trust. Billie knew that her life came from God and her destination was one of the rooms that Christ speaks of in John. Billie lived out her faith in many ways, but I want to put the emphasis on the lived. Billie was the sort of Christian I respect most, a person who shows their faith through their works, in daily sermons more powerful than a million words. Billie was a Christian mother, her children saw her faith and it remains an important part of their lives. Billie like so many of her generation served through the United Methodist Women, raising money for good causes, and giving of her time and talents to support others, for instance bringing food to those grieving or ill. Billie volunteered her time in the church office, and her daughters told me of all the work she did to help get mailings out. Billie helped people, from her childhood during and in drought ridden Depression Era Kansas when she and her parents assisted those rendered poor and hungry by the disasters, she believed in helping those in need. Her volunteering with Meals on Wheels, her work with Sr. Citizens, her always helping in the ways she could, her seeking to help people smile through her occasional silliness. Billie witnessed to the great truth that St. Francis of Assasi taught us, Preach the gospel constantly, and use words only when absolutely necessary.

Billie is now gone from us. This is a day for tears and sadness, and a time mourning. That is natural, that is healthy. Christ mourned at the death of Lazarus and John the Baptist, Christ understands our pain because Christ took on our flesh. But, as Paul said, we need not mourn as those with no hope. Billie is gone, but she is now in the arms of Jesus. For those she left behind a reunion will come and she is not gone forever. Also the Spirit will be with us a comfort in these difficult days ahead. God understands the pain, the sadness, even the anger we might feel, these emotions are not sinful they are part of the healing process. We will eventually find the peace that passes understanding, we will miss Billie’s presence in our lives and in our church, but eventually we shall see her again when we see God face to face. In the mean time, let us learn from Billie’s example, and in our lives love God and love our neighbors, reaching out and helping those in need, inviting people to join us on the Christian walk, so that we may continue the work she started on this earth when she chose to follow Jesus, may it be so, Amen and Amen.

Posted by rbeck at March 23, 2009 07:23 AM