Robin Beck

Sunsets in Early Summer

Music & Visual Arts have always been a part of my spiritual journey; in many ways a secret part. As a young man growing, up when and where I did, I always wanted to keep up a fairly macho image. There is more to it than that, my illness gave me a less than smooth voice, clumsy fingers, an awkward gait, poor balance, and horrific stage fright. To compound matters, I was told that, as a Libran man, balance was important. Toss in a moody cancer moon, and a fickle Gemini Ascendant. Back on the train of thought, I never could sing, draw, or dance; and, as a youth, pretended to be happy with that -- quite a bit of sour grapes were involved there.

A kind of curious thing, before a serious health event in 2003, I teated highly in reading comprehension and analytical skills. Aptitude / IQ tests showed the same thing. After the near death event, a subsequent test showed more of an artistic aptitude; with a string sense of harmony, balances, tone, color, and so on. It was like there was a shift from being a logical left brain person to more of an intuitive right brain dude.

The songs I choose on these you-tube play lists mean or meant something to me; not necessarily the literal meaning of the song, or even what the author / composer intended. Just as an example, White Rabbit is obviously about something. But the Gohonzon is also a looking glass, a mirror, or even a window pane that enables to see things that might otherwise escape our attention. On another note, or chord, or cord, Caribbean Queen was the first dance song I liked {I hated disco until it was fairly out of style} and the first one I successfully danced to in public, while sober enough to remember the next day. Well, sort of danced. It was a Haller Haller moment pour moi [that is french lingo]. I wonder if Goethe would approve? As an aside, 1974 was a great year for R&B dance tunes.

Another thing related to the theme, was that I became seriously ill when I was 38. I guess that is more like a midsummer sunset? The last decade of the 20th Century were lost years for me. "Every now and then I get a little bit nervous that the best of all the years have gone by ... Every now and then I fall apart ..."

Every now and then, a creepy, sort of deja vu, gloom overtakes me. I have learned to be patient with that and let it pass. On the other side, bliss awaits. It is a wonderful world. However, we figuratively pave over paradise. We often live our lives as though we will always be here, when really, in the sense of conventional truth, we are just parked and the meter is running. We also calculate, compute, measure and count, when maybe, every now and then, we ought to just observe sans judgement [more french lingo].

One thing, the songs are just stuff people uploaded, and often vanish like dew drops in due time. The photos are mine, and non-commercial use is fine avec moi. One other thing; I'll be editing and re-dating these photo / music posts, so the direct link should work but might take you to new content and a different time.

Posted by rbeck at June 26, 2008 02:38 AM