Each one of us has our own way of falling asleep. Sometimes it’s easy, at other times it’s maddening. I have suffered from insomnia off and on since I was a child. From the moment our head hits the pillow and our eyes are closed, our minds race with a sand storm of thoughts, images, and sensations. What we do with those emergent sensations will often spell the difference between quickly entering the bardo of sleep, or tossing and turning in vain. I suggest that falling asleep and dying have many similarities.
I suspect that at that moment of lying down to sleep, many people will recount the events of the day. Some will wrestle with their emotions, while others will visualize their to-do list for tomorrow. More than a few of us use those in-between moments to engage in our darkest sexual fantasies. There is nothing wrong with that beyond the fact that sexual stimulation has a chemical origin which is, by its very nature, distracting. For those who are familiar with, or have studied my work on visualization, sexual fantasy, with its mind-body power and attention to elaborate detail, is the exact mechanism to mimic for potent healing visualization. Who can deny the power of sexual fantasy as an illustration of the mind-body connection?! Unfortunately, I have found out the hard way that this kind of visualization just keeps you up - by that, I also mean awake.
Being unable to turn off the perpetual surges of thoughts, feelings and emotions, I have found my own way of bypassing the difficult feat of quieting the mind while successfully connecting with my faith. Through the following means, I can enter sleep mode with relative rapidity. Let me explain.
Since early childhood, I have said a prayer. It began with the Lord’s Prayer of “Our father who art in heaven….” Even when I ceased to have any belief, I was still superstitious enough to continue doing that. I then imagined my two bedroom dressers coming alive and performing a ritualistic sword fight before my bed to protect me from the dark, scary unknown of sleep. Like most kids, I had my fair share of nightmares like my father boiling me alive in garishly green split pea soup, which was his hobby to make. I must have really hated that soup!
As time went on, I would change my nightly evocation, asking the beneficent masters to watch over me. Since becoming a Buddhist, I began to chant three times and ask for the protection of the Buddha and bodhisattvas of the universe. But this prayer did not aid me in falling asleep, and many a time, I would lay awake, wrestling with my thoughts.
A number of years ago, after exhausting all manner of sexual fantasy and counting so many sheep that I longed to make them all into gyros sandwiches, I stumbled onto something that worked for me and never failed to connect me with my faith.
After my detailed prayer of thanks and determination, I imagine myself as a time traveler with the ability to go back in time and visit Nichiren and Shakyamuni. Sounds bizarre, I know, but let me continue.
At first, I imagined myself travelling back in time with the ability to bring provisions to the Daishonin on Izu and Sado Islands. I would see myself bringing rice and goodies to him in his dilapidated hut, along with a space heater. I then imagined that I brought him a video projector that showed him our culture festivals and how much we had grown his teachings. Never mind the language barrier as, at first, I had a universal translator - later, I used telepathy. The visualization became so detailed and personal that He would rejoice on my arrival and be thrilled by what I showed him. Needless to say, when I broke from the organization, that particular imagining came to a halt. This mental connection with Nichiren actually made me feel like we knew each other in the waking state.
Now, as I try to drift off, I don’t think about making whoopee with some curvaceous cutie, I go directly to my hero, or rather the hero of the world. I see myself as a time traveler who can take with him, audio-visual equipment, and visit Shakyamuni at various times in his life. I begin with his time of attaining Buddhahood. I watch him from a distance to see if his aura changes while in His deep meditation, and if he moves about after, wondering how he can possibly share this great awakening just like his legend claims. I look for the gods, devils, and demons said to be his witness. I can see them and they can see me. I'm supposed to be there and they know it. I am part of the events. It all seems quite real to me - perhaps it is real.
I then imagine standing on the dusty road, waiting for Him to come by as he begs for alms. I listen to him preach and understand everything he says. I stand before Him, trying to quell the urge inside me, of literally throwing my body to the ground at his feet in worship. As I stand before him, He towers over my six-foot frame and when He walks by, he is smaller, as if his size is an illusion. He is the most beautiful being I have ever seen - perfect in all ways. His skin a whitish blue, His eyes as green as the grass. Perhaps his eyes are brown or sky blue, but I am hypnotized by his majesty, as if I am standing before a God and I am the lowliest of creatures before Him. I have never felt this way before. About Him is an enormous golden glow, and as He looks at me, He knows everything about me and about every thing that is and is not. He knows that I’m from the future and it's no more odd to him then a stray cat wandering the villiage. Later, as the vision matures, I am one of myriad beings to witness His preaching of the Lotus Sutra. There are entities from other worlds, vimanas hovering in the air - grey and blond aliens, elementals, arc angels, and what seem to be projections or holograms of life forms from every dimension in the multiverse. In fact, there are countless others like me in the sense that they have arrived from all parts of the world and universe as engaged observers and time travelers, all who are part of some eternal spiritual mosaic that bears witness to His ultimate teaching. The assembly of beings is vast and diverse and we are all a part of its history. His voice and intent thunder in our minds.
This basic scenario is played out each night with impromptu variations. Each time, I fall asleep quickly, free of anxiety, free of nightmares, but not necessarily free of the bubbling travails of the unconscious. When I do dream of trouble, the new-found lucidity of my dreams enables me to chant daimoku and gain power over demons of the mind. I have come to know the Lord Buddha and he knows me. Is it real? It is to me.
I had almost given up on being able to fall asleep quickly until I went to meet the Buddha. Now, I enjoy the benefit of being free from medicinal sleep aids and the all too common problem of the futile restlessness that had plagued me for years - no, decades. Try it, you may just be surprised how well this works. You never know, you may meet the Buddha.