For all of those who have lost someone close, my deepest condolences. As the first of the Four Noble Truths indicates, all existence is inevitable suffering. Yet those poignant events and interrelationships that give life its meaning and color are the building blocks of Awakening. Let me briefly share with you the personal tragedy that made me into the person I am today.
June 19th marks eleven years since the death of my brother, Terry. He was fifty years old and four years my senior. His death came just ten months after the sudden death of my father at age 69. My brother’s death was just a prelude to the trifecta of misery that awaited me, just one year later, with the protracted death of my mother.
Terry was an Eagle Scout, a decorated Vietnam Veteran, and a hugely successful sales executive from San Francisco. After graduating from college in 1969, he went off to war where he thrived in the Army Air Corps as a military courier with diplomatic immunity. On his safe return to the States, he promptly abandoned his infant daughter and wife, leaving a note that he had no feeling for them and that was all she needed for a divorce. What a guy. Then he cleaned out their bank accounts and disappeared for seven years. This action devastated my parents and grandparents. It was no big surprise for me. This guy had once crawled into my crib to steal a bottle out of my mouth. For me, it just re-confirmed for me what a selfish jerk-off he could be. As many of us know, it's never all good times growing up and most folk that I knew were not the lovey--dovey Waltons. Anyone who has had siblings knows just how wonerful, selfish, and icky their kin can be. Hell, most brothers I knew spent the better part of their youth smashing the shit out of one another just because they were perpetually sick of each other.
By the time my brother resurfaced, I had been through the military too, and was now a hard charging SGI Buddhist. Terry disdained all things religious. His god was the rapture of the grape. His functional alcoholism was tolerated in our family because both my parents were alcoholics as well. Because he continued to be successful and I struggled with my karma, this irony further inforced the notion that my practice was bullshit and the way of the wino, ruled. I was mocked and scorned by him for my devotions and told to shut up if I uttered any Buddhist sounding philosophy. My parents, on the other hand, were happy I was a Buddhist, but my mom still thought I was a loser. Terry, on the other hand, could do no wrong, and they enabled themselves into a world of hell and early death. Ahhhh, sibling rivalry and the dynamics of an alcoholic family.
Their house of cards began to fall on August 1st, 1996, the day before I was to present my academic paper on modern Buddhist healing at the Society for Engaged Buddhism and Christianity at DePaul University in Chicago. After visiting his doctor to get his pacemaker checked, my father dropped dead in front of a dingy diner outside of Green Bay, Wisconsin. Sansho Shima for me. He was a good guy, but alcohol had shortened his life.
Not a day went by when I didn’t send my family daimoku. But they didn’t want to hear about Buddhism because my level of actual proof was so paltry and they still looked at me like some brain damaged hippie. My brother and mother made it no secret that they thought I was an untrustworthy loser, mainly because of the path in life I had chosen. On the other hand, my father, who was so strict and distant when I was young, thought that my life was most impressive, and I was "one hell of a man."
My brother packed up his belongings and his 24-year-old mail order bride and drove to Wisconsin to stay with our mother, shortly after my dad died. He wanted control of her estate. 'Choke on it,' I thought. On the day of his arrival, my mother called me to say that Terry looked "very ill" and she thought he would die at any time. I suspected that he just needed to “dry out.” I didn't realize just how far gone he really was. I quickly did a little homework and directed him to the VA hospital in Milwaukee, where he could get help. Later that night after speaking with his doctor, I learned that he was admitted, in critical care, and close to death. I was urged to get down there that night. His chronic alcoholism had destroyed his liver, kidneys, and there was so much more wrong with him that he would never leave the hospital alive. I broke the news to my mother and his new wife. That was tough. Even though my brother was a creep, I still loved him.
I packed my bags and drove up to the VA to be by his side, something I'm sure he would not do for me. By the time I got there, dementia had set in and he had lost his mind. I took care of my brother’s final affairs even though the last thing he told his idiot wife before his brain shorted out was, “don’t trust Chuckie.” Thanks, bro. By the time he died, Terry was non-ambulatory, in a VA hospice, incontinent, and delirious. He was a really big boy, too. At 370 pounds, it took five grown men to turn him in bed. His death was the classic free-fall into the hell of hunger. I shuddered.
My mother refused to visit him in the hospital for reasons that I can only guess at. About one year passed, when I got the call that my mother’s throat cancer had returned and she would be going into home hospice. Although she had abused me for decades, like only an alcoholic can, I agreed to help her finish her life out with dignity. It didn’t turn out that way, and she died the worse kind of death I have ever seen, as if the wrathful deities were delighting in her torture. My prayers were of no use in saving her or my brother from the ravages of their karma, and I stood by helplessly watching this horrific spectacle of inner-demons gone wild. It’s too painful for me to give any more details here, but suffice it to say that my own faith was put up against the wall without mercy. It was the Lotus Sutra that saved me - and oh, what a story that was, but I must save it for another day.
I may have had a nervous breakdown – it’s hard to tell. I was certainly wounded. I did get counseling, and that helped me get the whole tragedy into somewhat better perspective. What happened to me next was a need to drop out public contact. My marriage had been seriously flawed for years, so I left my wife of twenty-five years and started over again. Realizing that the guidance I had received from my SGI leaders was wholly impotent and that all my years of practice in the SGI proved powerless, after a couple of years, I removed myself from the flow of SGI activities. Those two actions proved to be the best moves I could have made and my life has erupted with benefit.
For all of those who have and will face the death of a loved one, remember this: all existence is truly suffering, yet that suffering can be transcended and put into proper perspective with the Lotus Sutra. On this day, I salute my bother, Terry. But most of all I thank the Buddha and the Lotus Sutra for showing me the way through Hell to the tranquil light of Jakkodo.
Reverend Greg has died. Long live Reverend Greg. Why do I say this? In the Lotus Sutra, the Buddha said, “There is no ebb and flow of birth and death.”
When BuddhaJones crashed and burned, I began looking for a new forum. From the ashes of that infamous website emerged Fraught With Peril. I wrote Reverend Greg and he offered me a blog spot. Thank you. My hope is that through his death, FWP will become more widely known and continue on its path of exploring the dharma and consciousness. Of particular importance is the diversity of the writers at FWP, who represent a broad spectrum of beliefs and opinions. If FWP does nothing else, it compels readers to think outside of their ordinary or conditioned mindset.
I was touched by the question of “what happens to you after you die?” Every religion has tried to answer this perplexing question with words that comfort or terrify in order to give hope to people, or to get them to reform. The Judeo-Christian religions describe an external heaven and hell. The Zen mind proposes an “I don’t know mind.” Buddhism offers a number of perspectives that include the bardo states as illustrated in The Tibetan Book of the Dead or Juo Sutra’s Ten Kings of the afterlife. Having experienced my own near-death in 1987, I wrote about this in my first book, Modern Buddhist Healing, and further expanded on the death state in my second book. In order to comfort those who lost a loved one and were confounded by their own grief, or those who found themselves facing death, I tried to explain in simple terms what happens after dying.
What happens after we die? First, discard all that you know and be open to what is as natural as birth. If I were to sum it up in one word, it would be to Awaken. Even this term is misleading. No dogma or promises can touch the truth of existence and non-existence; they only serve to pacify the living. If we can at least use the term “awaken” as a frame of reference, we can appreciate that our being is more than it seems.
It is my experience that we awaken to the truth that our life, is life, all of it, everywhere. When the Buddha states that there is no ebb and flow of birth and death, one can appreciate that our life is a manifestation of a greater life that has no beginning and no end. I see this energy and consciousness as the original Buddha at the core of our life. To die means to awaken to this reality. Escaping the Wheel of Samsara, or dying and going to an eternal heaven is therefore an illusion of consciousness emerging from the impotency of religion to extinguish the phenomena of suffering found in the saha world. The fact that Buddha appears in the world of suffering proves that the promise of eternal heaven or post-mortem nirvana is a pacifier for the unenlightened. If this were true, Buddha would not appear repeatedly to lead people to wisdom. We are the same.
Reverend Greg will be missed, but we can temper our grief with the understanding that now his life is all life, emerging everywhere in the universe and specifically where it will serve the suffering. Let his legacy be known as one of wisdom, brilliance, and Buddha.
DP: I do respect the mentor, very much. I wonder, though, how you got to where you’re at?
GS: It’s simple, merely embracing the Lotus Sutra, without being sidetracked by the explanations of others, like priests, pseudo-intellectuals, or professional Buddhist laymen is the surest way to break the bonds of dogmatic delusion.
DP: But when I originally read the Lotus Sutra, it was way beyond my comprehension. I read “Lectures on the Sutra,” by President Toda, and it came to life for me.
GS: I, too, enjoyed that “take” on the Lotus Sutra, but it was slanted toward the mission of the Soka Gakkai, not the intention of the original Buddha.
DP: How so?
GS: If you read the sutra carefully, it clearly states that all one need do is align with it to obtain its ultimate reward. You don’t need a priest or study committee to explain what the Lotus Sutra really means. The Lotus Sutra may be the Buddha’s experience, but it is really the story of your own life. No interpreter need apply.
DP: I was taught that one needs to chant its title, recite portions of the sutra, do shakubuku, attend activities, read the publications, and make monetary contributions. This is the way to achieve enlightenment through actions for kosen-rufu.
GS: All of these actions are well and good, but unnecessary.
DP: Wait! You’ve got to chant and do gongyo and all that other stuff. That’s how you get benefits. And what about world peace?
GS: No you don’t have to chant and do gongyo to obtain the benefits described in the Lotus Sutra. You already have Buddha nature. To realize this Buddha nature, all one need do is embrace the Lotus Sutra. It’s all there in the Treasure Tower, Emerging From the Earth, and Life Span chapters of the Lotus Sutra. If you accept the life span of the original Buddha and realize that you have Buddha nature, and if you adore this sutra above all others, that’s enough.
DP: That sounds a whole lot like what that Maltz character has been saying. Are you telling me that you don’t chant?
GS: Bruce Maltz didn’t invent this, it’s in black and white for any yahoo to see. It’s difficult to believe and difficult to understand.
DP: So you don’t chant?
GS: I'm your higher self, and you don't know this?! I do chant. I do gongyo. I study widely. I read, recite, copy, and teach others to the best of my ability. My particular nature enjoys doing so. I don't really need to do so for the reasons I just stated, but I want to because I love it. But there are countless millions in this convoluted saha world that need the ultimate truth of the Lotus Sutra yet are unwilling or incapable of any of the supplementary practices. The Lotus Sutra includes them as worthies. Actually, hearing the Lotus Sutra, just once is enough.
DP: Well then, let's hear your opinion on religion. I'll give you a religion or belief, then you give me the bottom line in a couple of words, okay?
GS: No wonder you're never invited to parties.
DP: Nichiren Shoshu?
GS: Paranoid.
DP: Soka Gakkai?
GS: Misleading.
DP: Kempon Hokke?
GS: Train Wreck.
DP: Nichiren Shu?
GS: Spiritual Prozac, one prayer from Zoloft.
DP: Buddhism in general?
GS: Monastic support culture.
DP: Catholicism?
GS: Purgatory on earth.
DP: Evangelical?
GS: Rabies in the name of Jesus.
DP: Chritianity in general?
GS: Irrationality at its finest.
DP: Hinduism?
GS: So many gods to deny...where to start?
DP: Judaism?
GS: Tribal warfare and sorrow.
DP: Islam?
GS: Monotheism with a bullet.
DP: Scientology?
GS: Colonoscopy into the brain.
DP: Shamanism?
GS: Plant mojo.
DP: Krishna Consciousness?
GS: Lord, Can you spell pedophilia?
DP:You don't have respect for any religion, do you?
GS: I respect the mythology of religion and reject literalism. You can respect the person, even respect the purpose of religion in guiding people through pains of life and the fears of the unknown. The question is, are we better off with religion or without it? My answer is obvious.
DP: Let’s turn away from this line of discussion so I can get a better handle on just who you are. You’re a very compelling being, to be sure. I’m going to give you a category and I want you to identify who or what you’re most like. Give me the first answer that pops into your mind.
GS: You really should cancel your subscription to Psychology Today, really.
DP: Common, this will be fun.
GS: If you must, nutsyfagen.
DP: Okay, what movie character are you most like?
GS: Oh, jeeze.
DP: Please.
GS: Spock. I’m logical, curious, heroic, and I’ve got great ears.
DP: Okay, you’ve got it now. How about, musician.
GS: John Lennon singing his line, “and no religion too.” And, if I may, Elvis. Even as a savant, I can still shake it.
DP: Female musician.
GS: Oh, man. Ummmm, Brenda Lee, because I’m “so sorry” I agreed to do this.
DP: There’s an answer I don’t get.
GS: That’s because you’re an idjit. Brenda Lee perfectly expresses the spirit of her art with great beauty and emotion.
DP: Well, if you’re like Spock, how can you feel emotion?
GS: As a realized, flesh and blood being, desires are not eliminated, they’re merely exiled to the collective unconscious.
DP: Actor?
GS: Clint Eastwood. It’s the eye glare. It’s the demeanor of being a man of few words who can back up what he says.
DP: Actress?
GS: Lucy Liu. I’m pretty and I can kick your ass too.
DP: Band?
GS: Led Zeppelin. Do I really need to explain that one to you?
DP: Well, yes you do.
GS: The charisma of Robert Plant, the magick of Jimmy Page, the baseline of John Paul Jones, and the power of Bonzo. You're dazed and confused, sonny.
DP: Bonzo’s dead.
GS: Well his kid’s not bad either, numb nuts.
DP: All right, all right. Historical person, B.C.E.?
GS: Alexander the Great. He came, he saw, he conquered, but he was no chicken shit like most of our modern day generals and commander and chiefs. He led his troops from the front line, not the rear. Now that’s a man. That’s why any president, senator, congressman or gutless politico that votes for war should be willing to have their own children on the front lines, in the line of fire.
DP: Historical figure, A.C.E.?
GS: Benjamin Franklin. Because he knew a lot of witty sayings and actually liked the French.
DP: Mythological figures?
GS: Pan, he played a wicked flute and knew how to have fun.
DP: Favorite figure of all time, Buddha doesn’t count.
GS: Lam, the extraterrestrial. He knew what a race of misfits we were and refused to impart knowledge to the uninitiated. He doesn't like religion either, just attainment.
DP: I’m unfamiliar with Lam.
GS: Of course you are, you schnicklefritz. Lam is ET on steroids. An actual living being among many like him, that can and will impart knowledge if and when you’re ready. People aren't ready, but before too long, they will be, whether they like it or not. Maybe you should do an on-line search for “Crowley and Lam;” put it out there to the universe via your intention, let go, and see what happens. You may actually learn something.
DP: Let’s end the segment with this; how do you see the future of our world?
GS: War, continued greed, stagflation, natural disaster, and the Cubs in the World Series. Maybe a booming fortune telling industry as society goes down the crapper and people looking for answers. I'd start a victory garden if I were you. I'd like Roma tomatos, please.
DP: Very funny. The Cubs in the World Series, that’s when you know that hell's about to freeze over. Maybe this year. Really, though, what about the world’s future?
GS: The truth is not what you expect.
DP: Try me, oh higher consciousness.
GS: Alien intervention. Rapture, then a reality check. Earth is a colony. It was seeded by advanced beings countless millions of years ago. Buddha was the quintessence of the most advanced being possible, in the multiverse at large. That’s why in the Lotus Sutra, and elsewhere in His legend, the gods and entities came here to learn, praise, and protect. Even if Buddha was born into a race that was ten-million years more advanced than our current world, He would still be the ultimate being. All those Buddhas and entities are inside us, not outside - just like the Gohonzon. ALL OF THEM.
DP: Wait a minute. Alien intervention? Give me a break.
GS: Where would you like it, above or below the knee? But then what do you really know, Dust Particle? Next to nothing, really. The puny ego-based, modern day monkey mind, has little conception of life beyond CNN and contemporary folklore. A Ph.D. is nothing in the light of non-local consciousness - intellectual prowess won't help you one bit when facing the Mind at Large or the Ten Kings in the death bardos. Our progenitors have always been here (and there), watching, and making sure some other less merciful species doesn't turn us into a slave race or transform our little planet into a cosmic brothel; after all, previous so-called "angelic entities" who were really horny intersteller travellers with funky DNA, found that earth girls are fair and, well, naughty. We don't need any more Titans, although NBA and NFL scouts might disagree. That's our future, Dusty, Alien cat fights in the red-light district.
DP: You lost me there.
GS: It wasn’t hard.
DP: We’ll continue this later.
GS: Much later I hope. How about never?