Diary of a Chapter Leader

I need some gosho help

I am working on a skit for a district meeting next week. I want to give my kids something fun to do at a meeting. I am expanding on a skit we did a long time ago in a district far, far away. The moral is not to look outside yourself for the answers. There will be 3 or 4 people who sit in front of their gohonzon and chant. One will beg the gohonzon to fix her problems. The gohonzon (played by a person) will tell her what is wrong with this and then site a gosho for further study. Another person will bargain with the gohonzon. The third will be complacent, content, comfortable. And the last will use "The Strategy of the Lotus Sutra."

Here is where I need your help. I could use the same gosho passages, the mainstream gosho we always use, but I want to use other gosho. I want to use passages that are more to the point, but less well known.

OK, gosho gurus, I'm ready!

A Time For Change Has Come

During the middle years of our marriage, Greg worked for a high tech company in the Silicon Valley. The first years were tough, but when he transferred to Milpitas, he enjoyed his work. After about 7 or 8 years, he stopped enjoying the job. He would come home and complain about the management and the only good part of the job was his co-workers. As the supportive wife, I told him to quit and find another job. I told him we would get by on my salary until he found another job. He always said the money was good and the job was easy, so he stayed. We went through this every few months, then every few weeks until we decided to leave the Silicon Valley. He finally left his job, but not until he was forced out. He never worked another day. He taught martial arts a few hours a week, but never had another job.
A relative of mine has worked for the same company for many years, maybe 20 years. For the past few years, the company has been in financial trouble. Sometimes his pay check bounces. I meet some of his colleagues in my business. Everyone says what a great guy he is and that he does such a good job. For a few years, I have told him that he should check out his competitors, let the word out that he is looking for another position. I told him he could write his own ticket. He is concerned that he would not have the flexibility that he has with his current job. I didn�t try very hard because I could tell that he is not going to change.
A few weeks ago, I screwed up a friendship. I told a friend that if he was doing the same thing for 10 years and it was not working, he should make a change. I told him he deserved to be happy and if his current situation was making him unhappy, he should change it. I told him that sometimes you have to give up and try something else. He hasn�t spoken to me since. I knew I was putting our friendship on the line, but I was sincere, I want him to be happy. What I didn�t realize is that he could say the same thing to me.

]]> One afternoon last week, I received a call from a district leader. She was upset and confused. She had received a call for her vice-district leader who had just come from a Japanese study meeting. I won�t go into details, but the district leader was convinced that the women had been talking about us. She had been told that the Japanese women blame everything on me. I know they have been talking about me since I moved here, but I decided it was time to stand up for the new leader. I wrote to the WD leader above me and told her we need to fix this problem now or lose the American members in the chapter, including me. I was determined to support �my� members. I boiled down the problem to a lack of respect. We can disagree, but we need to have respect for each other. A meeting was quickly arranged and a few days later I met with three other women to discuss this. I was very blunt, but not angry or nasty. I had chanted leading up to this meeting � determined to find a solution. We talked for about 90 minutes and I laid out my position and gave a few suggestions. The others had suggestions and when it was all over, I realized that these women will not do anything. I chanted over the weekend and attended a planning meeting on Monday evening.
After chanting for awhile, we stopped to plan the month. The meeting was one big power play. The chapter leader said there would be no more chapter study in English. She said the districts can handle the study. I was thunder struck. The vice said we could only study what was in the SGI publications. The district leader had just given up and I was confrontational. It sucked and I was part of the problem.
Several months ago I was visited by some friends who have been practicing in SGI for at least 20 years more than me. I like these people, have respect for them and genuinely like them. There are only a select few people I will confide in and these are two of them. After some talk, one of them wondered if I wanted to keep my position. After Greg�s death, no one asked if I needed a break. I said I didn�t think I could practice in this area if I were not a leader. Then Monday night I finally put it all together. When I told my friend that he deserved to be happy and he should make a change if he was unhappy, I didn�t understand what he was doing. Then it hit me, I am doing the exact same thing. I keep trying to fix this relationship with these women. I deserve to be happy. It is time to make a change. I am considering resigning from my position in SGI and attending meetings in other areas. I have two districts picked out already. I hope to attend their meetings this month. Of course there are obstacles. After months of no meetings at my house, there are two planned for this month. I attend a meeting in another area every month and never have any problems. The members like and respect me, as I do them. Even when I disagree with something, I find a way to state my side. So I know it�s not me, it�s me with them. We are not helping each other. If I take myself out of the way, the others will be left to sink or swim and I can find a district where I want to go to meetings and I am encouraged when I leave. For the first time in a long time, I am excited about the future.

Dog Update and Pack Behavior

First an update on my dog, Jill. She had been losing weight and stopped eating her dry dog food. I started feeding her canned food, but she stopped eating that, too. I took her to the vet, had a blood test and found she was anemic. The vet told me that meant she could have cancer. Then I took advice from one of my readers and started feeding her raw meat. That worked some what, but she really didn't like raw meat. A few days later we had another blood test and she was more anemic. I stared feeding her beef liver and beef heart and ground beef cooked for a minute or two in the microwave. She liked that. I chanted with this determination in mind - a visualization, that her body would start to absorb the iron and her bones would start making red blood cells. A few days ago I realized she had put back on her weight and she is much peppier. I just let her out to bark at a possum. She hasn't done that in months.

Next, some thoughts on pack behavior. I have watched a TV program called The Dog Whisperer for about a year. If you are unfamiliar with the show, it follows a man named Caesar who is an expert at dog psychology. He started with a pack of rottweilers. He watched their behavior in the pack - everything from how the leader kept control to how the pack responded to a new dog. The show follows him as he home visits people with dog problems. Every dog problem starts with humans. Usually the humans are not the pack leaders, the dog feel the need to take that position. That leads to possessive or violent behavior. In one episode, a woman had chosen her tiny dog over her son. She allowed it to attach the boy and she did nothing to stop it. The problems usually come from the owners tendency to think of the dog as "my baby" and not a dog. The dog needs leadership or it will take the pack leader position and control the humans in whatever way it can.
After watching this for several months, I started noticing that dog pack behavior in human groups - friends, co-workers, family, civic groups and of course SGI. As humans, we can share the Pack Leader role, but someone needs to be the leader or the pack can not progress. This reminds me of the "Where do you want to eat?" scenario. After a couple of rounds of "I don't know" someone will usually just make a decision - the pack leader. If no one takes the lead, no one eats.
In other groups, a leader is appointed. In work groups, there is usually an appointed leader. What happens if that leader sucks at leading? Either someone steps up or chaos. I think this situation creates the "Bitch" or the "Asshole." The equivalent of the violent dog. "Someone has to lead this group. I'll do it, but I suck at it. But I can't let them know that." I think everyone has encountered this.

]]> I have this happening in my area is SGI. The area leaders want out. They have had this position for 5 years and they just want a break. They do the best they can, but they are tired. And this is not an easy area to lead. So in the absence of heavy-handed leadership, one person has felt the need to be involved in everything and has turned into "The Bitch/Asshole." This person doesn't see that, just wants to help. I can't take it any longer. If this person treats me like a 5th grader one more time, I might blow. And, yes, I chant about this. I know it is me, I am the one upset. I can take responsibility for that, but it still drives many of us nuts. In other packs, I would tell this person how I feel and help him/her learn how to lead people. But SGI is different. Leaders in SGI have to manage people while keeping the faith. It's never easy.
I am the pack leader at work. If this person worked for me, he/she would be on probation by now or maybe gone. We would have had a sit down and he/she would understand his/her position. If you can't follow the rules, you have to go. But you can't get fired in SGI. Well, you really have to work at it to get fired. You could refuse to sign the form or you could write on Fraughtwithperil. But for most members. you can't be fired. So how do you discipline a member, I mean lead a member, to do the right thing?
In volunteer groups, it always seems that the person with the least experience in leading wants or insists on leading. For me, it's stay at home moms. Absolutely no experience except with their kids, so that is how they treat everyone. Same thing with school teachers. I really enjoy working in a groups led by someone with experience.
To finish this up, the next time you encounter the "Bitch" or the "Asshole," think about the Dog Whisperer and his dog psychology. Maybe he just needs some help.

Happy New Year 2010

Here we are at the end of another year. I hope you all have a revolutionary new year.

The end of this year is bringing some new challenges. I took my dog to the vet yesterday because she had stopped eating her regular food and was a bit listless. She seems to have a bit of arthritis in her hips and she perked up when I gave her the anti-inflammatory. The vet called today with the results of her blood work. She may have cancer and she is anemic and may have thyroid problems and they all may be related to the possible cancer. We adopted our dog, Jill, when we moved to Salinas. She is the family's first dog. I haven't told my kids about her - I will need to chant before I do that. My mood is not very positive right now, but I will chant for her and raise my positivity index over the next few days. She goes in for another blood test next week. I plan to chant up a better result. I'll keep you informed.

Tomorrow is the New Year celebration for our local SGI area. My kids are doing something with the youth division. Forever Sensei! Man, can't we find some new music? The new year meeting is always enjoyable because everyone comes - husbands, wives, siblings, mothers, fathers,kids, far-away members, everyone. I'm looking forward to it.

Have a safe and fun New Year's Eve and a peaceful new year.

Leadership Revolution

I went to a meeting last night. These meetings are where the chapter and area leaders can talk about the management side of the local organization. We have had these once a month for quite awhile. Recently, Pres. Ikeda wrote a message to the Central Executive Committee of SGI. In this message, he talks about the need to develop new leaders. He stresses that the leaders are going to have to lead this organization into the future. The man keeps telling us to stand up and take responsibility for this organization. Maybe he is getting through to some of us.

Due to many factors, many of which I do not understand, my local organization is a very top down, managed area. It just worked out that way. This management style leads everything to go through the area leaders. There are two people in charge, but really there is one person in charge of everything. When we wanted to bring Victory Over Violence to our schools in honor of our murdered friend, we were not allowed to do it, it had to go through the area. There is just too much to do to be involved and in charge of everything. VOV never happened.

SGI is so much like any other organization - it has a management structure and people rise into management for many reasons, not all of which are management skill. In SGI, we have that pesky problem of faith. Our leaders wear many hats - manager, faith adviser, councilor, leader, motivator, speaker - you can add to the list. Some of us are good at some of these roles, but few of us are good at all of them. I can do all of the roles, but I lack the drive to do some of them well. I haven't excelled in the current management structure.

That may be changing. The local leadership is going to attempt to give the next step down, chapter leaders, autonomy. They are going to let the chapters move in their own direction, create their own culture, and thereby grow new capable leaders. This is great news for some of us and very scary for others. I can't wait to help my districts do what they want to do. To help them figure out what they want to do. It should allow the members to express themselves, become happier and just maybe invite others to join. But I noticed a few chapter leaders were not as enthusiastic about this. Mostly the newer leaders who have not developed the skills to lead yet. It may take a little time, but they will soon warm to this new process.

One of my districts has already struck out on their own. Three members from the district went to a local coffee shop Sunday afternoon and talked about The Buddha in Your Mirror. The district leader has big goals for this district and this is the first baby step to those goals. The idea is to get the members out in public talking about Buddhism. We start by just talking amongst ourselves, then move to talking to our friends about Buddhism and then, gasp, inviting them to a meeting. By the way, this district is having some great meetings.

]]> I attended my monthly women's study meeting last week. We had a guest and the meeting was good. I always have trouble with some "shakabuku" concepts and this time I spoke up. When talking about what to chant about or for, the leader said to chant for your wishes. OK, kinda old school, but OK. A bit later, I told the guest that after getting some experience with this practice, we stop chanting for things and start chanting to better ourselves (I didn't say it that way, but that is what I meant). The leader, I think, took offense and we had to clarify this. If you absolutely need transportation, then chant for a car, but if you have a car, will a new car and the car payments really make you happy? We all have out own practice and we all have our own point of view. I don't like telling guests that this is a practice to get "stuff" so I do my best to explain. Each person takes away what they need.

At this meeting, there was talk of SGI being an organization that promote peace. I started thinking, what do we actually do to promote peace? As an organization, nothing really. Pres. Ikeda has his peace proposals, but what do we do? That led to a few moments of negativity until I realized that peace is up to each of us. So it is up to the smaller organizational units to promote peace in their own way in their own community. I started thinking about this. How can SGI in Salinas promote peace? I don't know, but I bet we can come up with some ideas. I am open to suggestions. I am looking forward to a chapter revolution! I keep you informed.

What is the goal?

I have talked about goals before. That was about stuff or achievements. This time I am talking about the end, the aim. I started thinking about this a few weeks ago when my kids were home visited by two local YWD leaders. I was busy that day with guests and wasn't involved with the home visit. When it was over and I talked to the kids, I wondered was there a goal? Was there a plan to achieve the goal? Did the leaders chant before they went out to these visits? So many questions, no answers. I soon started to think about other activities and how the goal can be missed.

Sometimes one of my daughters wants me to do something for her, but ends up yelling at me. I often ask if this was planned and if she thought this course of action was expected to work. She is always too worked up to answer. If she were to think about her goal and make a plan to get there, I would most likely do what she asks. But emotions take over and she just can't help herself and her goal goes unmet.

I find that sometimes the stated goal and the underlying goal are at odds. Have you ever had an argument with someone close to you and tried to stop it? If one of you is not ready to stop, the goal can not be reached. The stated goal is to stop arguing, but the underlying goal is to get those last few snipes in. One of my district leaders wants to put on a lecture about Buddhism for the public. I asked her the goal. It is to introduce people to SGI. But, I believe, the underlying goal is to be the lecturer. Which goal will be achieved? The underlying, personal goal. Well, actually neither will happen, because we helped her find an alternative activity that can involve everyone.

This happens when chanting... at least to me. I know the goal. I chant for wisdom to make it happen. I chant for confidence. I chant for a positive outcome. I have a plan. But deep down... doubt. I have tried this before. I have failed every time. What if it doesn't happen? Oh, this will never happen. So which goal will be achieved? I can overcome the doubt most of the time when chanting, but this one thing is just so scary. So I chant. I chant much more now than I have in a long time. I want something, not just stuff. Since it involves "human revolution" on my part, it is not as easy as chanting a few minutes and doing it. I must overcome my own delusion, my inner darkness. Now that is something to chant about.

The point of this is to chant to understand the deep dark secret goal. There are always goals in SGI.

***40 home visits this month***
What is the stated goal? To encourage 40 people. What is the deep dark secret goal? To log 40 home visits , no matter what? To tell other members how many home visits you did?

***1000 members donate to SGI in May***
When there is a big natural disaster somewhere in the world, I donate to the Red Cross for that disaster. It never crosses my mind that I will get anything in return for this donation. I just want to help the people who need it. Every year when May Contribution comes around, we have to walk this fine line. SGI is a very wealthy organization. It will survive with or without my donation. So why should I donate? There is the fine line. We are told not to do it with the expectation of financial return, but then all the experiences are about financial gain after donating large sums to SGI. So what is the stated goal? This is an opportunity to show your appreciation for all you have gained through SGI. What is the underlying goal? The more you donate, the more benefit will come your way. It is a fine line that many members just don't understand. Most just donate because that is what is expected.

My final thoughts:
The more I study the gosho, the more I come to understand what Nichiren was talking about. The inner darkness, the delusion, is in all of us, we just don't always see or acknowledge it. Nam(u) myoho renge kyo is the way to shed light on that darkness. I have read all the gosho. I have gone to countless study meetings, but until I took the initiative to study for myself, I never really understood the power of Nichiren's Buddhism. I didn't understand what many of the concepts meant. I could give you an explanation, but I didn't understand. Little by little I am shedding some light by chanting and study.

I need your help

I own a business and have been asked to do this bail-out fundraiser about 10 times. This time I said I would do it. My problem? I never asked anyone to donate. Now I'm two days away and thinking I should tell them I have swine flu to get out of it. But as I am a procrastinator on this, I thought I would ask for your help. The donations are for MDA and I copied the email I was supposed to send out.

I'm proud to tell you that I'm being locked up...that's right, I'm going behind bars to help Jerry's Kids and MDA. To be released on good behavior I have to raise bail and I need your help!

All you have to do is click here to make a secure, online donation before 10/21/09. Your donation will help families living in our community and help guarantee me an early release. I can't wait to add you to my list of contributors.

Thanks in advance for your help. Don't hesitate to call or email me with any questions.

Together we'll make a difference,
Nancy

P.S. I'm counting on you, click here to donate.

If the link above does not work, please cut and paste the address below into the address bar of your Internet browser.
https://www.joinmda.org/2009salinas/nt/

You will need to copy and paste the link at the end of the message. Hey, I'm not asking for much... $5, $10 would be great. I just don't want to go there with nothing. Thanks.

Now on to my actual entry.

]]> It is Buddhist Learning Review time in the SGI. We study a gosho excerpt every month and then in October take a test, that we can't call a "test," on what we studied during the year. Too many members are freaked out by a "test" so we call it a "review." There is a study booklet to hep you study for the study review. This year the actual test/review was published in the newspaper publication The World Tribune in September. So now the members can take the test/review and study the actual questions before taking the test/review. Works for me. I took the test a couple of weeks ago. Part I is on Buddhist Concepts - multiple choice - no problem. Part II is on The Life of Nichiren Daishonin - again multiple choice. I am all over this. This one I had to think about

Who accompanied Nichiren during his exile on Sado and shared in his hardships?
a. Siddhartha
b. Dozen-bo
c. Nikko
d. He had no companions

This one bothers me. The answer is c. Anyone want to talk about this?

Part III is on Pres. Ikeda's lectures on the gosho. These are write your own answer questions and multiple choice. I had to look up the fill in questions because they were on PI's lecture as put forth by SGI-USA or at least the publishers of The Living Buddhism magazine.

Now my favorite section - Part IV Soka Spirit: The Errors of the Nichiren Shoshu Priesthood - multiple choice. It has been 20 years, folks, isn't it time to let it go and move on? I especially like the last question which has the "all of the above" answer. We have meetings where we (not me!) talk about infiltrating NST meetings. Really? Why can't we get over this? There are members of SGI who are passionate about Soka Spirit. They have 12 hour chanting sessions with the goal of closing temples or destroying NST. I wonder if they think they will get the "Daigohonzon" back? It just makes us look more cult-like and I don't like it. Man, we really hold a grudge... 20 years and it's still going. Can this be good for us? Are we creating "bad" karma? The new talk is that after 50 years in the United Sates (next year is the 50th anniversary of SGI in The US), we will be mainstream. How can we be mainstream when we still think we have the ONLY answer? Not only do we bash other religions, but we bash other Nichiren sects! This leads me to question 4:

The "devil king of the sixth heaven" is a metaphor for what?
The correct answer is
a. The tendency toward arrogance and disregard for others.

Draw your own conclusions.

The final section is extra credit. These are based on PI's lectures and I had to check my answers against the study material and make some adjustments. I never once wrote "mentor/disciple relationship." I did have to actually look something up:

20. Based on SGI President ikeda's lecture on "Letter to Misawa," what does the devil king abhor most and what do his "ten kinds of troops" represent?

I have never heard the term "ten kinds of troops." But in reading I found the ten troops are 10 delusions or bad things, like greed, regret, anger,hunger, worry,fear.

I'll let you know how I do.

No Dupes

I continue to support my former district by chanting giving up my Mondays. We chant every Monday. Something is going to happen in this district. For the last district meeting, the district leader planned to read an article from the World Tribune, The Bodhisattva Vow, and then she would talk about her trip to FNCC. The afternoon of the meeting she called to tell me her car broke down in another city and she would not make it to the meeting. I couldn't talk about her trip to FNCC, so I decided to do a little study at the end. Several members attended and the two area leaders. Area is one step up from chapter. After gongyo, the very new vice-district leader read the article in her very heavy Japanese accent. The article was about... all together now... mentor and disciple. But near the end, it quotes Pres. Ikeda as saying the organization need members who think for themselves - think for yourself. When she was done I wanted to talk about what that means, to think for yourself. I said I wonder how that would work if someone disagreed with Pres. Ikeda. The area leaders jumped in and one of them read from her notes, Pres. Ikeda does not want dupes. Holy crap, Batman! Now this is a discussion topic! But, no it was not a discussion topic, it was just left there. Every time I tried to start something, the "leaders" were there to set it straight, Pres. Ikeda does not want dupes. Don't think about it, just trust me, Pres. Ikeda does not want upes.
Now, I think this needs to be discussed. What does that statement mean? How would you go about disagreeing with a "leader" in SGI?

At another meeting, we watched a video of a teleconference from earlier this month. A top MD leader was talking about his trip to Japan. Apparently, the Kometo Party lost big in the recent election. Many Japanese members worked very hard to get their members elected, but I guess the Japanese people did what we do sometimes -- they voted for a change. The Japanese members were very upset that they had lost. Pres. Ikeda told them, "When you lose, you win!" Wait, what? There must have been more to this. I must have spaced out after he said that. The the MD told of blocking Pres. Ikeda as he walked across the dais and telling him some jargon filled crap in language no one would ever use. You have all heard it before, so just fill in your own jargon. Why do we need to talk like that? I have been working on a list, The 5 Words Used in Every Christian Song. I can't listen to it, so I can't get all 5. Here is what I have so far, Glory, Rejoice, Worship, Praise. You can help me with the last one.

]]> But we have our own jargon. Greg and I used to sarcastically say "Golden Memories" all the time. It was so over used. Now we have "Mentor-Disciple Relationship." It must be used more than any other phrase. It has to be at the top of the Billboard Top SGI-USA phrases. Our new region was named by PI. It is Ever Victorious Region. Not bad, but now that "Ever Victorious" phrase is going to be everywhere. How can we expect to grow as an organization if we continue to use jargon? That leads me to the last part of my original story.

Towards the end of that district meeting, I wanted to talk about "The Devil of the Sixth Heaven." What is this? What does it mean to us? I was talking to my friend who never learned any of these terms. I was telling her that all these terms used to be in Japanese and now they are in English and I get confused. I don't remember what I did, but I used an incorrect Japanese term. I think I used sansho shima. One of the Japanese women corrected me. I acknowledged her, but that was not where I was going with this. Then the area leader cut in and went off on a 10 minute speech about The Devil King. He was not prepared, made a few mistakes, and just kept talking and talking. Then he tries to hand it back to me. No way I was going to step into this... and I told him that. There was no discussion of the Devil King, what it means to our lives. Then, one of my favorite meeting topics, karma, came up. A returning member, he moved away and then back, asked the leader about expiating karma. The leader said if you get in a car accident and wreck your car, that's better than getting hit by a train. You have eradicated your karma. I couldn't stand for this! I said you can't tell what your karma is and you certainly can not know exactly what karma you have eradicated. Of course, the leader was not going to accept this and tried again to make his point. It was late and the other leader read that statement again, "Pres. Ikeda does not want dupes." But this whole meeting was about dupes!!!!

Sparks, NV

In the early '80's, Greg and I decided to take a vacation, but we didn't have much cash. We struck on a great idea... time share. We could spend 3 days and 2 nights for free and get $25 in cash if we sit through a 90 minute presentation. We were completely ready to say no to everything - two in body, one in mind. So we took the train from San Jose to Reno and somehow made our way to Sparks, NV. The brochure said it was just outside Reno, but it was actually way outside Reno. It was a bleak place, in the middle of nowhere and, oh yeah, it was also the middle of winter. The second day there we went in to the presentation. They showed a video of this place and some of their other time shares. They talked about how great it would be to come back to Sparks, NV the same week every year. Oh and if you want, you can trade or sell your week for big bucks. Then they separated the couples and a salesmen went at it. Greg and I listened, declined, listened, declined until the first guy was completely frustrated. Then they brought in the closer... the coked up closer who kept messing with his nose. This guy asked if we wanted to make money, what was wrong with us, this is a great money making opportunity and other lame statements until he finally called us stupid. Then he hurried us out the back door and stuffed $25 into Greg's hand. It was one of our finest moments. We broke the coked up salesman.

Last week I went to my monthly study meeting. One of the women was not a member of SGI, but in fact was searching for anything and everything. Mixing her staunch Catholicism with anything new age, old age or currently popular. She brought up a problem her boy friend was having and the meeting went from there. There was much good guidance/advice, most of it based on the gosho. She was encouraged to begin practicing by chanting consistently and she talked about the book she read and the speaker she heard and the various different "practices" she has mashed together. A little of this (affirmations), a little of that (the bible) and some of that (zen or meditation.) It was nothing new. We have all encountered these people... always searching and never committing. Then one women turned to me and asked how my practice was going. I had to decide - tell the truth or lie - I told the truth. I chant more than I used to, but not everyday. I study and support the members of my chapter. Not good enough. Why don't you chant everyday? Don't you want to be happy? Ah, there is is... the same ploy the coked up salesman used, and it worked just as well this time. I told her I have two choices, stay or leave and I have decided to stay. That actually took her by surprise. She still thinks I am a dope, but that is her problem. I told one person about my problems with a consistent practice; he laughed at me and called me deluded, so that will teach me!

Her "shakabuku" techniques are very strong and sharp. I wonder how other people take it? I know my sister-in-law avoids this woman when ever possible because of her overbearing shakabuku. If we are going to introduce other people to Nichiren Buddhism, we can't call them stupid or attack their current beliefs ot talk too much. This is a different time and a different place which calls for a different attitude. So many of us haven't introduced anyone in years and we get so excited that we won't stop talking. It is important to listen more and talk less.

]]> Speaking of introducing new people, I attended a district discussion meeting this month. The district leader set up a computer and monitor and explored the SGI website. She did a good job. Then she moved on to "The Winning Life" a small book published by SGI to help explain Nichiren, Buddhism, SGI and our practice. It was a good meeting. Saturday that district leader called me. She had just returned from FNCC (Florida Nature Culture Center). FNCC is a SGI training center/resort where three day training conferences are offered. Many members go to these training sessions and come back energized and excited. This district leader had spent time with different members talking about growing their districts. She came back with many experiences and advice. After World Peace Prayer, we went to a coffee shop and talked about her district and her conversations at FNCC. She is having the same problems with the district that Greg had and I had when we were district leaders. The pioneer women who haven't seemed to have a single experience in 10 years. The same women who gossip about everyone in the local organization. The alienating of the newer members and stagnation of the district.

At FNCC, this district leader found out that she was not alone, that many other districts have the same problems. These leaders gave her great advice and she is ready to implement some changes. I told her about the group Greg, our friend Scott and I started in San Jose. It was called Stone Tiger Group (we didn't name it, the official group leader did.) The mission of the group was nothing is off the table and no judgment. Any one could bring up any subject and we would discuss it without judgment. At our first meeting we discussed the validity of the diagohonzon. Later a member brought up aliens and we actually talked about it without judgment. By the time we left San Jose, the group had become so large, everyone would not fit in our altar room. It was a great group. I would love to have that back. This new direction for this one district may move in that direction. We have decided the leaders (district, group and chapter) will start with regular chanting sessions with district health in mind. The first one is tonight. I am completely behind these district leaders. Maybe we can break the log-jam that is this district.

Chanting About Stuff

Earlier this month I attended my usual study meeting in the San Jose area. This time my youngest daughter came with me. There were 5 other women attending. For the last year we have been reading from a SGI booklet called The Road Map to Happiness (I think that is the correct title). It's purpose is to help explain SGI Buddhism. It is meant for beginners, but we always find something to get a discussion going. I don't remember what we were reading about, but a discussion about chanting started and I finally brought up chanting about stuff. I had to define "Stuff." I said, "You know... stuff!", but that didn't work so I said personal things or wishes or needs. Yes, I rambled like that. So one woman tells of a member who really wanted a top of the line Mercedes. That was her great desire. Somehow she got the car, but I don't know if that caused her indestructible happiness or not. Another woman said her son was accepted to college, but had no transportation. She was chanting for her son to be able to get to college. We continued this discussion and sometimes agreed, sometimes disagreed and had a great discussion. My daughter didn't say anything in the meeting, but in the car she was so excited and talked about the meeting and her views on some of the subjects. This was a new experience for her. She had never been to a SGI meeting where everyone had opinions and spoke their mind. It was a good meeting.

Later I continued to think about chanting for stuff. There is a member in my area, I have written about her before, who chants for very specific stuff. She decides what she needs and chants for it to happen by a specific time of day. I can't do this because I don't believe it. So I don't chant for anything in that specific way. I feel it is "Substituting faith for wisdom." I have faith that this will happen, even if it is not the best for me. Your mileage my vary. Now in that I have faith.

Several years ago our family went to a big meeting in San Francisco - Oct. 5 or May 3 or one of those big dates. We were sitting up in the balcony stage left looking down on the stage. A man came on stage to give his experience. He told of being destitute as a young man, the typical experience. Then he gave money or chanted or introduced some folks of all of the above, but now he was really, really wealthy. He had the best cars and a big house and vacation houses. When his family went on vacation, they chartered a jet and went to private islands. The guy just went on and on. Was I supposed to be impressed? I wasn't, I was embarrassed. Is money what this practice is about?

]]> Last week I sat down to chant for an hour. That was my intent, but about 30 minutes in, an idea popped into my head and I couldn't get it out. It was time to clean up my environment. I stopped chanting and started writing down everything I needed/wanted to do in my house. Then day by day I have been working on the list. The kids took down the ratty curtains and rods in the altar room and I took the fake greens off my altar. Now the room is so much more open. Never liked those fake greens. I packed away most of Greg's clothes and cleaned up his closet. Something happened that day when I was chanting. I wasn't chanting for anything specific, just happy to connect with the gohonzon and my life. It seems that I did just that, connect with my life.

Chanting for stuff

I notice many of you ask if SGI still promotes chanting for stuff. I haven't noticed that lately, but then again, I am not in the for front of introducing people to the SGI. I am sure it would come up at an introduction meeting, probably from the audience. I don't think it is a bad idea to chant for something tangible when you start this practice. I believe we need to see some benefits or results at the beginning. I didn't chant for anything for a long time and surprise, not much changed. But then I really need to accomplish something or make something happen, chanted about it and noticed results.

I drive a 10 year old vehicle. It hurts my hips, hands and wrists when I drive... and I drive alot. It also has cost me over $1400 in the last couple of months. So I chant to be in the right place at the right time to acquire a vehicle. In my current situation, I can't just go buy a car. I do not expect a vehicle to materialize in my driveway. That is not my "prayer." No magical thinking here. But I do need another vehicle. So am I wrong to chant about it?

I chant for other stuff, too. Some goals I will have to save up to accomplish. Others will just take time and/or effort. I also chant for the health and happiness of my family, friends and acquaintances. My 13 year old daughter is going to the movies today with a 16 year old boy. She is very trustworthy - she didn't hide it from me and I am not worried. She told me just before I left this morning, so no time to chant about it, but since I have been chanting for her happiness and health for all these years, I have "faith" in her.

So those who think it is wrong to chant for "stuff" - what so you chant about?

The General and The Specific

Last Monday I held a planning meeting to plan the monthly chapter study that will take place this Sunday. I had two region leaders (several rungs higher on the SGI corporate ladder than me) in attendance. Also in attendance were 4 other women and me. I had invited others, but they didn't show. So we started by talking about last month's meeting and I tried to just keep my mouth shut and nod. As I have written, I wasn't pleased with that last study meeting and take complete responsibility for it.

My opinion on a study meeting is that someone needs to study before the meeting. Someone or several someones, need to be well versed in the material. I like to use a variety of reference books and especially the actual gosho, you know, from the gosho book? One of the women there is responsible for the Japanese study. We tried to get her to talk about the gosho when to my shock and horror she explained how a Japanese study meeting goes. They read right out of the magazine. That's it. No one studies it. No one has any clue what is going on. Well, that's not going to help! Then she dropped the bombshell. "You are a region leader, we want you to lecture and we will listen." Oh, this can't be happening. Now they want to go to church on Sunday and listen to the preacher!

Then a district leader wanted to go over our goals. She never has time to read the material before the meeting, but thinks everyone should offer an opinion. By this time I am trying to keep myself under control. I just want to shake these people. I am adamantly against this. How can you have an opinion if you haven't even read the material? You can ask a question, but someone who has studied will have to answer or give an opinion. Fortunately, my friends from the region were supporting me.

]]> Then we got down to planning. We came up with a few major points and then started dividing them up. Guess what? No one wanted to present anything. There will be two leader/friends attending who will present and me. I picked some point, I don't really remember what it is, but I will be talking about Nichiren.

After thinking about this for a week I have come to a few conclusions. In last month's gosho, "The Essentials of Attaining Buddahood," Nichiren talks about not confusing the general with the specific. We, of course didn't cover this in the presentation, but it made me think about the members here. Do they understand the general and the specific? Is it arrogance, do they believe they have nothing to learn therefor no need to study? Are they happy with the general and have no need for the specific? I hear the same remarks over and over at meetings. Mostly propaganda and the very basics of Buddhism or SGIism. It is sad to think that these people don't even understand how much they don't understand.

This moth we will be studying "Many in Body, One in Mind." We are studying the first part, you know the part about M/D. I bet you guessed that. I'll talk about the gosho later in the week, but I want to give you something to think about. Here is a comment near the beginning of the lecture;

"Mr. Toda often said that the Soka Gakkai was more precious than his own life, and he sternly exhorted us to show the door to anyone who dared disrupt the pure organization of the Soka Gakkai."

Any thoughts?

It Has Been a Year

First some background about the FWP site.
Every writer has their own site. They are responsible to keep up their own site. When the comments stop, we need to close the comments down or the spammers attack us. Many of the writers are diligent in upkeep. Then others make no effort at all. You can probably figure out which ones are which. When Greg died I dutifully closed his open entries. In the last year, I have had to spend many hours cleaning another writer's site, also. Recently we have been under constant attack by spammers and I have spent many hours deleting spam comments and closing entries.

This week I have been at work for many hours after closing to babysit a printing job and used that time to clean up FWP. I found that when Byrd died, I didn't take care of her site. I didn't close her entries. She had over a year of open entries and thousands of spam comments. Today I am at work at 7am with only about 4 hours sleep for each of the last 5 nights. I should be cranky and irritated that I have to clean up this mess. But I realized, I'm in a good mood, singing along to the music, and reading Byrd's entries as I close them.

Byrd's last entry was one year ago today. I feel privileged to maintain her site, because I am getting to know her. What a great woman. Many of you followed her progress through life on FWP. but i didn't read it that much before I started writing here. So now I'm getting to know Byrd.

When Greg died, I would get sympathy cards every day from people I didn't know- people Greg didn't know. But Bryd harangued me for weeks, she wanted Greg's mother's address so she could write a card to her. It freaked my mother-in-law out for some reason that someone with a funny name sent her a card. I will be forever grateful to Byrd for that. (You would need to know the relationship between Greg, Chris, their mother and me to understand why this is so.)

I recommend you go to Byrd's site and remember her today.

Turning Torture into Medicine

Now that I�m over 50 and a single parent, I decided it was time to get an annual check-up. About the only time I see my doctor is when I take the kids. These check-ups always involve painful and humiliating tests, usually with at least some of my clothes off. But, it is time to grow up and do it. But before I can go to the doctor, I have to have some tests. A few weeks ago I go to get a mammogram. If men had to get these there would be a blood test to detect breast cancer. No way would men submit to this. Women accept this bit of torture, applied by other women. After waiting 20 minutes, I get to go into a tiny room, take some clothes off, and wait. Then someone comes and has me move to another tiny room. Finally the technician calls for me and I go in. She proceeds put my left boob on this platform and squeeze it to a fraction of its normal size. When she has it just right, she turns another knob and squeezes it some more. The gosho we are studying this month is �Many in Body, One in Mind.� I was one in body and many in mind! My mind was telling me this is wrong, this is cruelty, and this woman is sadistic. But I grit my teeth and it is over soon. She then squeezes the other one and now it is time for her most painful technique � the side view. She tips that platform up an now it is digging into my armpit and she is squeezing and of course, that little extra with the knob and I can barely stand it. �OK, you can relax.� Then she says that one isn�t good we have to do it again. You have to be kidding me! Then while torturing me again, she takes time to comment on my necklace. �It is so pretty.� Again my many minds are screaming obscenities and my fight or flight reflex is leaning toward flight. Finally this bit of agony is over, but I can�t put my arms down so I walk like Popeye for a few minutes.

Next is the blood test. This is no big deal, except they can never find my veins and I become a pincushion. They let the new guy have a crack at me. He put the tourniquet on and has me make a fist and he proceeds to slap my arm. As my fingers turn blue, he gives up and moves to the other arm. He then sticks me, but no blood. So just for fun he moves it around inside my arm. Still nothing. He gives up and lets this 14-year-old girl do it. She finally gets the blood flowing and flowing and hey leave some in there, I need it. Soon enough that is over and I didn�t even have to take any clothes off.

]]> Yesterday was the doctor appointment. My doctor is my age and cute. I have never had the �full� check-up with him. I usually get the girl stuff done by his female partner, but I realized they are both gay, so maybe it�s better to go to him instead of her. First we go over the blood test. A little low on iron, a little high on cholesterol, but way low on vitamin D. I am looking over his shoulder at the results and see that my number is 16 for vitamin D. I figure normal must be in the 30-40 range. No, normal is 50-100. He then informs me that because I�m over 50, it�s time for a new humiliating test - the colonoscopy. I knew it! Then it�s time to take my clothes off and sit there with a couple of scraps of paper over me. He waits until I can�t get away and tells me he had a colonoscopy last year, it�s not that bad. OK, I�ll do it if you will stop talking about it and get finished. Finally that bit of degradation is over and I get dressed. As we walk out to the front, my doctor proceeds to tell me, in gory detail, about the colonoscopy. Can we please stop talking about this? I had a salad for lunch � no bacon or cheese.

All of you under 50's think this is funny. It is not funny! At least now I know my biggest medical problem is a vitamin deficiency.

I think it's whack

It has been an interesting week. Why did I say interesting? I think my vocabulary has diminished. It wasn't interesting is was crappy. And I take complete responsibility for it. I spent a week obsessing about the gosho study meeting. I liked the gosho, but couldn't figure out how to present it. So I studied, and studied. I read the entire gosho, two chapters from the Lotus Sutra, some of the Living Buddhism magazine with PI's lecture and tried to watch the SGI study prep lecture. The study prep lecture was unwatchable this time. I chanted some, but stressed more. I don't know why this got me so screwed up.

So the day of the study arrives and the same people show up that always show up and who haven't even read the gosho excerpt in the magazine. Here comes my negativity. So I do some background and my daughter Leia reads the long passage. Now it's my turn to talk about reality and wisdom. No way I'm going to talk about "Substituting faith for wisdom." So I do my part. (It was not up to my usual standards) Then the next presenter, a school teacher, talks about reality and wisdom. Hey there is my negativity again. Then we had to cut her off because she just couldn't get to the point and finish. Then the last guy asks each member what they think about the gosho and they talk about nothing. So much talking, but does anyone care? Why do we pretend that anyone cares about studying Nichiren's writings? I bet if we called it Pres. Ikeda study, they'd show up. Look my negativity is back.

I talked to a member / leader I have known longer than I have been practicing. He kept telling me not to worry about it. He basically said very few members come to study and that is their loss. Apparently I didn't listen. But even the ones who come seem to come out of obligation. There is no discussion because no one really understands. The discussion happened when we planned the meeting. Maybe we should just have the planning meeting and forget about presenting it.

There is a gosho study every month. This time I am trying to get several people from San Jose to come down for the meeting and have a round table where we discuss the gosho and the others can listen. I'll let you know what happens.

]]> I have been in a bad mood all week. Not really bad, just not really good. I started chanting consistently for the first time in over 10 years. I have chanted 20 - 60 minutes everyday for almost 2 weeks. I am so out of practice. Sometimes 30 minutes seems like 5. Other times 5 minutes seems like an hour. Last night my older daughter, Kaela, asked why I am chanting so much. "Just because you want to?" I nodded, not wanting to give anything away. I finally have some goals I am committed to achieving. My kids need a role model. I want them to have dreams and follow them, do whatever they want, be happy. I never did that, so I need to show them by my own actions. Question is, why am I still in such a down mood? I think it is because I am impatient. Hey, I started chanting, where are all the benefits? Where is the money, the fame, the admiration of my peers?

I need to take action right now and get out of here.