Several months ago I decided to join Facebook. I asked my daughter to put up a page for me. Now, I could do it, but I just didn't want to. Right away, the minute my page went live, a friend of Greg's was asking to be friends. I don't know how he knew I was on, but he was my first friend. Then I became virtual reality friends with some ninjas and a classmate. Then some of my brother-in-law's friends added me and some people from FWP and a few SGI members. That went along for awhile, but it seemed I was missing the point of this tool. So I started looking for people. I found one of my cousins. I have four cousins from my father's side of the family. We were not close after we grew up. Two months ago we get word that another cousin has been in a terrible accident (driving drunk on a mountain road) and was in a coma.
This news and using Facebook and email to communicate to get info was new, but very effective. My goal was to get the cousins together. I have a good relationship with my brother, but the cousins were not talking to each other. I made a goal to get everyone back together. I chanted about it for a few days and then other things came up and I hadn't given it much thought when a message from my cousin shows up, he said his family had come full circle because of his brother (the Coma Cousin). I was shocked. I asked him to clarify. He decided to contact Coma Cousin when he was released from the hospital. Coma Cousin was a changed man. Divorcing his wife, new girlfriend and wanting to connect with his family. Then a friend request form Coma Cousin. I had looked for him on Facebook, but didn't find him. He found me.
After becoming virtual reality friends with Coma Cousin, I started reading his posts. 15 days in a coma and 30 days in ICU. Stopped drinking, in pain, but happier than he has been in years. My goal was one step closer. I would read all the messages and info to my parents and they would pass it along to my brother. Then today... a friend request form a third cousin, the oldest. I was surprised when I saw the request. There smiling at me was my cousin, looking all happy. Another step closer to that family reunion. My oldest cousin lives in Las Vegas. Looking forward to a Vegas Reunion.
So how would I give this experience at an SGI meeting. I made a goal, I was very sincere, but I didn't chant for hours and hours and I didn't really do anything. I just used my ichinen - it was a Jedi Mind Trick! I supported the family I could support and voiced my goal to everyone involved. Oh and, yes, chanted a little about it. But maybe the big "experience" is the opening up of my life. Thanks to a friend and some conversations I have had recently, I chant more. I am spending more time on myself - making goals, chanting, talking to friends, making new friends and reconnecting to family and my old friends.
I am working on the gosho study meeting I will be hosting the Saturday. We will be studying "The Essentials for Attaining Buddhahood." This is not an easily understood letter. He wrote it to a lay priest. I have struggled with the concepts for two weeks. I refuse to parrot SGI dogma, so I have to figure out what Nichiren was trying to convey. I spend time on the background, what was happening in Japan? Where was Nichiren living? What is the significance of the recipient? This gives me a much better understanding of what Nichiren was talking about. But I can't just parrot this M/D stuff. And this one talks about reproaching slanderers. I think I am just going to ignore that for now. I have a groups of region leaders who want to support MY study meeting so attendance will be up. And that is the best part, if they come to my meeting, they might learn something. I'll let you know.
Rolling along. That's what has been happening for the last few months. Rolling from day to day, week to week. My birthday is Wednesday and the next Wednesday is the one year anniversary of Greg's passing. Some times it seems so long ago. Sometimes it seems he was just here. Not talking to him, about everything, that is what I miss the most. We talked everyday for almost 29 years. We bounced our ideas off each other. Sometimes he was the idea man and other times it was my idea. We talked Buddhism every day. We talked about what he was reading. We talked about what we were studying in SGI. We talked about how it applies to us. We would stand in the kitchen and talk. AS I have said many times before - now I can't have an intelligent conversation about Buddhism.
Last week I was visited by two friends. She is always the first person I call. We have a very good relationship. He was Greg's guy - Mr. Study in the local organization. If Greg had a mentor in SGI, it was this guy. She is the heart and he is the mind. I trust both of them and was very honest about my situation. Finally, an intelligent conversation... about me!
Greg and I have been asked countless times why we stay in the SGI. We talked about it often. Everyone on this forum started in the SGI. We all got our start in the SGI. I have some points of contention with the SGI, but leaving hurts me more than staying. How do you affect change by leaving? Don't know.
So, back to my visit. These people I have known my entire practice, they are why I won't leave the SGI. These two friends took the time to drive an hour down to me just to check in. How cool is that. They checked out this site before they came to get an idea of what's up. The last thing I posted was an outline of last month's gosho study. I was asking for input, but didn't get much. So from that they offered to help me with my study meetings - every month. That would be so nice. The study meetings are all on me. Well, some of that is because I don't like members presenting when they haven't studied the material. Just reading out of the magazine doesn't cut it my study meeting! So I watch the study prep on-line, read the entire gosho and then spend a couple of weeks talking to myself about it. This last Saturday I put on a great study meeting and I only started studying Friday night. It helps that these gosho are all written about the same time and about the same thing.
So after my home visit, I am feeling much less alone in the organization.