Sunday was the memorial for our friend. It was a nice event. Well over a hundred people attended from SGI, the Postal Service, friends and family. We did gongyo and chanted for a long time as people filed up to offer incense. Our friend's daughters shared a gongyo book and chanted. She would have been so happy. The ceremony was scheduled for the exact time as our district's Women's Division General Meeting. Jean's wish for a big turn out was accomplished.
Several people talked about her. They seemed to all be from different parts of her life. A college friend, the woman who introduced her to NSA (now SGI), postal workers from Oakland, Salinas and Aptos, people who knew her for decades and her newest friend, a new member of our district. They met right at the end of last year, but were fast friends. The SGI leaders did a great job, too. It seemed to take a weight off my shoulders. I decided not to speak at the memorial and was glad when her new friend got up to represent all of us in Salinas District.
The weather was rough in the morning - windy, rainy, high surf pounding just outside the room. By the afternoon it had cleared to a cool, sunny day. My oldest daughter tried to explain our practice to the young woman sitting next to her. She was asked about what we were chanting, what's with the beads, what are they saying now - my daughter did her best and gave here a Nam-myoh-renge-kyo card. Her father was so proud!
After the ceremony, some food was brought out and we all mingled and talked. I uesed the time to do some chapter and district business. I organized some face time between some leaders and members and worked with our newest member to get a butsadan so she can receive her gohonzon next week. That would have made Jean happy, too.
A few months ago we had a year-end potluck on the chapter level. Last year it was at our house on the south side of town, this year it was on the north side. A few of us decided to carpool. Before we left we decided to have a "Time to leave" word. I came up with Palomino - right out of a Saturday Night Live skit. When we realized most of the members had left, we all started saying "Palomino! Palomino!" and laughing. At the ceremony yesterday, three of our district members had carpooled. It was getting late and I went over to the driver and said, "Palomino!". She knew exactly what that meant. Soon I had others saying it. It felt good to end the memorial laughing together.
I have spent more time doing SGI activities and chanting than I have for many years. Home visits - that's something I just didn't do. I lead a study meeting on Saturday, chanted with an area leader visiting from LA on Sunday and did a home visit on Monday as well as our regular Monday night chanting meeting. Last night our MD district leader did a home visit. That is amazing. Neither of us do that kind of activity.
Our MD district leader is trying to reignite a couple of men, the WD of Salinas District are still planning to have a Women's Division General Meeting, our chapter is about to turn a group into a district, we are working on getting another group reorganized so it can grow into a district by the end of the year and my 12 year old daughter chanted 45 minutes with us on Monday night.
Nancy
Friday, February 8, 2008 just before 6:00 pm I answered the phone. It was our WD area leader. She asked if I had heard about Jean. No... what? Another member says she was murdered by her boyfriend. Jean is one of our group leaders and her boyfriend, Eddie, was just appointed unit leader four days earlier. That first night was rough. The news wasn't releasing her name and we couldn't verify the information. I went to her apartment building and saw the police leaving her apartment – it was Jean.
Our district had a study meeting scheduled for Sunday. I had to make sure everyone who would attend knew about Jean before they came to the meeting. I called our other group leader, Debbie, and she just broke down. I had to tell her new best friend. My MD district leader and I talked by phone with our most trusted region leaders daily. Another WD region leader came to our Sunday meeting and shared some guidance by Pres. Ikeda. That was the extent of the support. Our area wants to be separate and different. That didn't help in the instance.
By the time we had that Sunday meeting, the district leaders were solidified, we were going to make some changes in this district, chapter and city. We put together a plan for training new leaders, we contacted “retired” MD members and asked them to return. All the district members are on board. We all want to make this the turning point in our lives.
Our district chants together every Monday night. The next Monday was at Debbie's house at 7:00. At 6:45 she calls and says she has terrible news – her brother-in-law just shot himself in the face and is dead. She lives two blocks away, I was there in less that 5 minutes. She told me the story and I listened and consoled. Then another member came and we chanted for an hour. Debbie's diamoku was weak and sniffly for the first 40 minutes, but then it became strong – stronger that I have ever heard from her. When we finished, we talked a bit about the nature of life. Debbie asked if somethings don't just happen for no reason. No – everything happens for a reason. Cause and effect. I decided she needed to talk to someone else. I asked my most trusted leader to call Debbie. That helped.
The next night, Tuesday, I attended a Chapter/Region leaders meeting. As we were chanting I leaned over and whispered to my MD District leader that I was probably going to go off when it was our turn to report. By the time it was our turn, I had cooled a bit and just spoke from the heart. I feel that I was let down by SGI. The top leaders were calling leaders in the area, but not us. They must have a lot of confidence in two district leaders because they left this to us. That night we decided to bring Victory Over Violence to Salinas.
The next night, Wednesday, we went to the concert in SF. On the way we stopped at the Silicon Valley Community Center (SVCC) where I found two region leaders I have known for many years. I talked to them for a few minutes and felt much more connected.
Jean's life opened up when she introduced Eddie to her Buddhist practice. Last March she brought him to his first meeting. She taught him gongyo and chanted with him. Her practice became stronger and Eddie was happy. Eddie received his gohonzon on June 3, 2007 and we immediately enshrined it. Toward the end of August, Eddie and Jean had an argument and Eddie broke Jean's windshield. Jean immediately went to th police and had Eddie's parole violated. He spent four months in jail. During this time we told Jean that she an d Eddie had to live their own lives. They both had to get it together and it wasn't going to happen in their co-dependent relationship. I wrote to Eddie in jail and told him the same thing.
One Saturday at the end of December, Jean called and asked if I wanted to go to SVCC with her to chant for two hours. We went, but there was a meeting and we couldn't chant. As we were leaving, the bell toban (person who answers the phone at the CC) asked if we were from Monterey Area. He told us a woman from our county had just called in to say she wanted to reconnect to SGI. I called her, but Jean took the phone away and talked for 20 minutes. They became best friends that day. Jean was searching for someone to support and there she was. Jean's life was opening up – she was happy. I believe that night she had decided to break off the relationship. I believe she was ready.
Jean's daughter has decided to have the memorial service at the exact same time as our district women's division general meeting. It's never easy in SGI. And I hope it stays that way.
I took the kids to a concert Wednesday. The concert was at Slim's in San Fransisco - about 2 hours away. I stopped at the Silicon Valley Community Center to get a couple of books and found our WD region leader there and talked for a few minutes.
We made a point of missing the first two bands, The Cab and We The Kings because... well... just because! We made it to the club, found parking about half a block away, had no trouble acquiring our will call tickets and headed into the club. We have been to lots of concerts - mostly in small venues. This was the first club concert though Kaela and I went to a concert at a skating rink in San Jose once. The third band was Metro Station which has Hanna Montana's brother in it. Funny thing about Metro Station - they had a fantastic bass line through every song, but no bassist. The two guitarists couldn't sing and play at the same time and the drums sounded way too good. But Kaela loved them.
Cobra Starship was the headliner and I really like their new album -Viva la Cobra. They can sing and play and I love the new girl in the band. I really needed to do something fun this week and the concert was fun. Now the ride home... that was not fun. I was tired, but not nodding off tired. I chanted to keep myself awake for some of the drive.
The next day, yesterday, Valentine's Day, Leia's band played at the school dance. She said it went well, but was so tired when Kaela and I picked her up that she didn't tell us much.
I am refusing to buy tickets for Panic at the Disco because some agreements have not been kept (grades) and now Kaela says she HAS to see My Chemical Romance.
I realize that many of you have no idea who any of these bands are, but I am an expert on slightly known bands. I'll keep you up-to-date. You can throw out some names at a party.
Just doing my part...
Nancy
I am Nancy. I have been a member of SGI since 1987. I am a Women's Divisioin Vice Chapter leader and a District leader. I am married and have two teenage daughters. I own a small business.
My vision is to blog about my district and chapter and for it to be more conversational and not heavy on the theory. I hope it will be easy reading and an insight into the workings of a typical SGI district and chapter.
Our district, Salinas District, and chapter, Steinbeck Chapter, are in a relatively new area, Monterey Area. Our membership consists of many pioneer women, some long time members, a few new members and almost no youth division. This is a transient area. Young people come her to college or from the military, stay for a few years and leave.
Late last year I made a determination that Steinbeck Chapter become an area by 2013. A few of our chapter members began to have stunning victories. Visitation rights awarded after years of denial, new jobs, better relationships. Members transferred into Salinas District and members returned after long Buddhist vacations. Our district and chapter are growing, finally.
Nancy