Diary of a Chapter Leader

Dear Nancy:

Perhaps the cancer is something more fundamental, an altered "gene" [mutation], perhaps.

Mark

Nancy:

Thanks for sharing this, as it brought back such vivid memories as to why I am so thankful to be an independent Nichiren Buddhist. The ignorance often demonstrated by many long practicing members is truly frightful.

Until I left, I could not see the fool in the mirror was me. I see no robust, progressive, or wonderful future for the SGI-USA. I can only see a narrowing of views; sectarian warfare based on nonsense, by two sects with virtually idential doctrine; perpetual, unchallenged hero worship; and repeating the same basic district meeting agenda we had 35 years ago. It breaks my heart, but at the same time inspires me to use rest of my life in sync with the dharma of the Lotus Sutra, which I thought I was doing with the SGI, but learned I was not.

Thank you for this report. It reaffirms the decisions I made.

Charles

Charles

Charles,

It's too bad it took so long for you to realize that the sangha wasn't working for you. However, as I've stated to others who have stronger-than-usual feelings about this sangha on their blog, it isn't my fault or anyone else's fault for that situation. My experience in this organizied sangha has been totally different. It is entirely up to me the benefits I receive and how much I extend myself.

Bearing total responsibility for ourselves and not blaming others (no matter how something "looks" when viewed through the lens of our collective cultural narrative, past(NSA) and present) is a mark of assiduous buddhist practice.

namaste

Nancy: Repeat after me:

It's not me. it's not me, it's not me!
Keep saying it, because it is absolutely, irrevocably true. Do not second guess your intuitive senses. They are screaming at you to listen to your higher self. Until the SGI grows up I will stay away. After over 30 years of denying what I already knew to be true, I could no longer ignore the harsh reality that although I called myself a Buddhist, I was not a Buddhist. I'm still not at Buddhist, but at least I am Buddhist enough to admit it now. Are all these meetings really serving your development as a Buddhist? I wonder.

Ashley

Ashley,

Anytime we engage with other humans, we develop as humans. We must develop as humans in tandem with our development as buddhists. We will most likely have a richer buddhist experience not inside of a vacuum or monastery, but outside, displaying our confidence and vibrancy as outspoken and committed to the cause of world peace and dialogue. It is best, I believe, to loosen the attachments we have or an ossfied set of ideas about what a buddhist should "look like" to others or oneself and display those characteristics through thoughts, words, and deeds.

namaste

CL:

As I have said before, I truly admire your writing and your writer's "voice." I ssert that you would make a fine addition to the FWP family as a blogger. You should petition Nancy to be a regular blogger rather than commenting on the fringe (although I enjoy those comments,even when we disagree).

As to your comments:

"My experience in this organizied sangha has been totally different. It is entirely up to me the benefits I receive and how much I extend myself.

Bearing total responsibility for ourselves and not blaming others (no matter how something "looks" when viewed through the lens of our collective cultural narrative, past(NSA) and present) is a mark of assiduous buddhist practice."

My experience of thirty years was one of total dedication, even when I disagreed. I believed as you have expressed. What was that last straw that broke the camels back? I can only say that I have written about this earlier.

Breaking away was not easy, nor was it something that I really wanted to do. Being embraced by the power and comfort of the sangha is most comforting. It would be so wonderful if this samgha that is the SGI was the true vehicle of the Buddha, destined to establish true world peace, bring true peace of mind, and enable all to establish Buddhahood - in other words the True Sect of the Lotus Sutra. I really thought this was so and even in the midst of rampant contradiction, I refused to accept the truth that the SGI wasn't what it was hearlded to be.

My daughter and ex-wife are members of the SGI as are the overwhelming majority of close personal friends that I had shared my hopes and dreams with for three decades. Even with the threat of falling into the horrendous ruination of Hell, I had to remove myself from the SGI and walk my own path. I walked away from family, friends, my SGI mission, and the security of the sangha. Why?

The SGI goes against the words and will of Nichiren, Shakyamuni, and the Lotus Sutra.

I admire your writing and enjoy your perspective, so why don't you join Fraught With Peril and proclaim the truth as you see it. I am not threatened or offended by your ideas or words. As far as being able to "take" the imperfectons and less-than-perfect comments or actions of others in their attempt to uphold the SGI way, I could put most people to shame with my ability to endure. I came away from the SGI with the understanding that at some point you must learn that what you are enduring is the "message" that you have been blocking in the name of "faith."

That message that has been blocked is that the SGI is mooving contrary to the will of Nichiren, Shakyamuni, and the Lotus Sutra. I wish that it were not so. I ignored it, ran from it, denied it. Oh, how I wish it were not so, but IT IS SO.

May peace be with you, CL,

Charles

Charles,

From one writer to another (though I must say my output is less in terms of both depth and number of pages than yours), thank you. I respect your convictions and it appears you know the difference between choosing "heaven" or "hell" as a choice made within oneself. You do not participate in the doo-doo painting that others seem to think is effective in what they perceive to be "shakabuku." Breaking and subduing one's own ego is all that there is at the end of the day. However, we need the ego to get out and do the things we need to do. In theory, I would gladly maintain and defend my blog as I defend my experience of my practice. Though I've said it before, those caricatures that some people use to describe members of a particular sangha are true within any setting where a diverse body of people try to get things organized. I've studied it and I see it, but I would be a failed buddhist if I let that archetypical truth tarnish my direct experience with the members of my very local sangha, thus tarnishing my diamond pounder.

In fewer words, it works for me.

namaste

Hi Ashley,

I hear the locals are trying to get you to come back. I asked S. invite me next time they see you. That would be fun. I was thinking, we could start our own group that meets once a month. It could be an alternative to the usual district meeting. We can do anything we we want, talk about anything. I would enjoy that.
Let me know...
Nancy

Charles and CL,

My experience with SGI has been good and not so good. In my early days, though I struggled with difficult leaders, I became a much better and happier person. I fought the stupidity, but continued to self-reflect. Before we left San Jose, Greg and I had organized a wonderful group of members who had great meetings that Greg and I enjoyed. Then we moved. It has been a steady decline for me. I fight my nature everyday. I struggle to stay out of the lower worlds. But it is not easy for me. I know these members need me. I know Greg and I were the future of this area, but now it's left to me. Am I strong enough? Don't know.
Nancy

Hi Nancy: I would love to meet with you and S. for a little confab. We had a really nice get-together a few weeks ago. We talked indepth about things that interest us, and shared our thoughts and insights about Buddhism and the SGI. I really do miss the friend connection. Let's do it. I would also consider your proposition about regular meetings. So, we can certainly discuss the prospect. I actually work in Salinas. I've often thought of calling you to go to lunch. Maybe that's an option, or we can meet at a swanky coffee bar with S. She's such as gas!

Feel free to e-mail me at:

ashley.wooster@gamil.com

I'll write back with my contact information.

Best regards, Ashley

Hey Nancy,
I think some of your responders hit upon a point which I'll rephrase for myself and hopefully not put words into their collective mouths. Our diverse organization is intolerant of diversity. It's as though they've taken the ideal of broadening the scope of an individuals life through Buddhism but inverted the funnel: an orchestrated cultural squeeze which has nothing what so ever to do with Buddhism. For a person of reason and common sense, it can be a tough place to hang out. Ha!

You're fighting the good fight worthy of any arena. You are a person of substance. You are a valuable jewel even to those who do not yet recognize you as such. I know you miss that guy. I can only imagine how difficult this struggle to be positive must be without him by your side. He's still the fastest sword in the West and I bet he's watching your back. Regardless of the outcome of details, your life will prevail. I think that's how you're wired.

I promise I write something soon. Miss you.
David

Dear cl;

Everyone here interacts with dozens of humans every day. Charles as the manager of busy restuarant must interact with more than a hundred customers and a dozen or more employes daily, his wife, his children, the gas station attendant, the grocery store clerk, any of his "shakabukus" and we on the internet.

The SGI doesn't have a monopoly interacting with humans.

Mark

Nancy,

I feel your pain, but I believe a lot of people cling to SGI out of superstition, afraid their benefits will be cut off if they leave. The truth is they won't. We are in a great age of spiritual seeking. There are lots of ways to tune in and there are many cool and interesting people to tune in with. Not being an SGI leader, gives you much more freedom and may be the best way to deal with SGI. I am happy for the time I spent in SGI and I still care about the wonderful people I met through my association with SGI, but I have no regrets about lessening my ties with the organization. I just don't need or want to go the that many SGI gigs anymore.

My bet is you will be amazed by how much you actually grow when you start doing what really feels right for you and not doing anything because you want to beat back some sort of "cancer" that is in your sangha. We can't really change others, but we can be ourselves and encourage them.

Mark et al,

As a supposed Nichiren buddhist you should understand that we must all deal with the delusions of the four directions stretched to infinity. There are many levels of understanding from which we have to choose. However, winning is having compassion for others instead of removing the "other's" proverbial basis from under them like a rug, perhaps we can say, where their "misunderstanding rests". By attacking others this way, no matter the size or scope of the organization you dislike, and generalizing the members by associating them with pathology or obsessions of your own mind, is like soaking a diamond in shit expecting it to turn into a lotus. You have to approach the deepest levels of the matter through subtle gestures at once being the shit and the lotus from which it emerges.

namaste

Dear cl:

YOU HATE ME, YOU HATE ME. NO COMPASSION FOR CL, NO COMPASSION FOR SGI. HE HURT ME...WAAAAAAHHHHHH HE REMOVED MY BASIS LIKE A RUG.

Now, as far as dipping diamonds in feces, there are too many flaws in the SGI diamonds to be of any real value with or without the dirt that surrounds them. However, removing the flaws with the resplendant ruby red laser of the Mystic Law and the scratches with the sublime polishing stone of Shakyamuni Buddha these flawed diamonds might once again become flawless. Its up to each SGI member what they are going to do with their precious lives, fool themselves that the flawed diamond is flawless, or remove the flaws and polish the diamond.

Mark

All,

It is said by one here:

"Of course, since we may not have trained ourselves to do shakabuku (break and subdue practice) and certainly not to inscribe or eye-open Gohonzon, then we can support the priests who been trained in these practices of Lotus Sutra Buddhism. This is the phenomenological concept of the division of labor found in the Lotus Sutra, Nichiren's teachings, and the world at large."

There is not a division of labor to be found in any of the Buddha's teachings. It is a direct transmission through the concept of Mentor/Disciple. This relationship transcends simply the "oral transmission" and, at once, the "transmission through the scrolls". This is transmission from human to human through shared life experience, shared struggle. This is what is meant by Bodhisattva's emerging from the Earth in tandem, in unity. To uphold a division of labor is like freezing one's own heart and making ice pops out of each part and selling them at the Head Temple like vendor stall treats.

Dear cl:

"Bhikshus, Bhikshunis, Upasakas, Upasikas" Lotus Sutra Chapters, 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17 ,18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28

That poison of gossip can truly drag you down if you let it. This week at my work a woman was gossiping about me terribly over something very stupid. I choose to not gossip back though people expected me to, and I struggled not to because it is human nature to want to defend yourself. But I chose not to spread the poison any further. By the end of the week it had died down and I had gained the respect of my co-workers by not gossiping.

It's hard to rise above it but it's an indivual journey.

Dana,

Just wondering what you were referring to with your comment about gossip? I didn't get the connection.

"On Saturday, I attended a gosho study prep. While listening to the SGI study prep video, I started wondering why I can't be like them. They seem so excited about this stuff and I'm thinking, "What is this really about?" "Who is Nichiren talking to and why? "

Nancy,
regarding study, I approach study from the standpoint that Nichiren is writing directly to me. There is a Gosho passage that actually answers my most fundamental question about my own life, which I have asked since I was six years old. It took me forty years to find this little jewel in the two volumes of the Gosho, but I found it and read it regularly to remind myself, of the answer.

I have read the entire Gosho at least twice now. I find encouragement for my daily issues that effect me daily. I study at least twenty minutes daily, more if I am ill, as I have more time. That is how I get excited, identifying and solving my own problems through faith alone.

I see "no separation between Buddhism and this reality," as Nichiren suggests, no matter the problem at home, work, or SGI oriented.

After attending a Soka Spirit Tozo last week, a women shared something I found quite striking. She was talking about members holding grudges against one another and the impact it has made on their lives, over years of relation ships, as she had observed.

I reflected on this single idea, grudges, and a gosho passage came to mind immediately. In the letter to Gijo-bo Nichiren says, "never begrudging their lives, never hesitating even if it costs them their lives," in reference to the votaries of the Lotus Sutra as it is stated in the Lotus Sutra.

Due to my diligent study habits, I was able to understand this story being shared on a more fundamental level of faith, to never hold grudges against anyone; SGI or otherwise; as I do not want to begrudge my own life, leading to "lifetime after lifetime of an austere practice.."

Patrick

Hi Patrick,

You are a good man, you continue to grow, and though we have our differences I respect and admire you. Hope all is well with you and yours.

Bill

Bill,
thank-you. All is well with the Matthews. We relocated to Washington DC to help our youngest daughter that is due to have a new son in about 45 days.

I admire you as well.

Patrick

Nancy,

Thank you for sharing your experience. I have been with the organization for 20 years. There are so many wonderful and caring folks in the my local sangha, but we also have our fair share of "inconsistency behaviors". Which leaves one but to ponder.

Perhaps some of our older members have so much love and emotional invested with the org/Leader that we have grown "attached" and fixate on a particular view/vision. And the "strictness" inherited in cultural aspect of this School certainly isn't helping. It is unfortunately to see how we have at times become narrow-minded, self-righteous and judgmental.

Personally I do not have high hope on changes from the top. And "putting up a fight" can sometime harbor unwholesome thoughts in our minds. For me, it is about develop the awareness (And compassion) to see how things really are. I do freely voice my thoughts to those who listens, but I do not overly drain my energy on challenging the org. Although I have a role in the org, I refuse to pass on rhetoric and participate in activities that I do not believe in - Which doesn't make me a very good "leadership material" in the eyes of the org ;-)

The organization's foremost object is driven (IMHO) by self-preservation. While we would like to call ourselves practicing for "Widely Propagate & Spread (Of the Dharma)". Looking deeper, it is not hard to see the foremost goal is about propagate our own agendas.

Lastly a bit an antidotal evident on the subtle shift of objective. Here is what I heard on a meeting couple weeks back, in which our high-up leader announced: "We have always been practicing to prove the greatness and power of the Gohozon, That is all great, But it is now time to focus our effort to prove the greatness of the life-philosophy our our mentor..." It'll be interest to see how folks interpret this one.

- ds

Thanks for all the comments. I have read them and taken them to heart. I don't think theses women "love" the organization. I think they continue to cling to an antiquated view of this organization. A mixture of longing for the old days, ancient Japanese culture, language barriers and the crabbiness that can come with age. I try to understand, but sometimes I just can't take the stupidity and arrogance - and become stupid and arrogant. I don't snap like that often.

Thanks again,
Nancy

"...But it is now time to focus our effort to prove the greatness of the life-philosophy our our mentor..."

We all know He's great and that's the problem. It's not necessary to remind the member/people of this in every meeting segment, in every article in the publications, and in every personal guidance session. To constantly hearled PI's greatness, obscuring the Lotus Sutra, the Gohonzon, Nichiren and Shakyamuni Himself is utterly misguided and destructive to the real, essential place emphasis sould be focused - THE DHARMA.

PI does not reeplace the dharma nor is his buddhanature any different than yours or mine, so why is there this unending need and effort to exalt and praise the supposed greatness of this man? This energy and effort by the SGI to put PI above all things is one of the primary reasons the SGI is rightfully viewed as a cult (of personality,) and why it is devolving.

I am heartbroken by the direction of the SGI, a place I loved to be with the people I loved and admired. I can only conclude that the SGI has made one of the greatest mistakes a Buddhist movement can make, they have turned their loyal members from the dharma (of the Lotus Sutra) and replaced it with the life of president Ikeda. This is a fatal error.

Charles

Nicely stated, Charles. Thank you for speaking my mind :)

I am so with Charles on this. It's completely unacceptable, and it completely validates my reason for staying away from the org. Just reading the post makes my blood boil. This could be any other organization, and it wouldn't bother me. At the same time, what did I expect? This is where we were ALWAYS going. I just didn't want to see or admit it, but was forced to when M/D was institutionalized and forcibly shoved down member's throats. Members are choking on it, and they don't even realize it. So insidious!!! For as long as I live, and continue to expose myself to this information, I will speak my mind, until such time as it is so far out of my purview as to be a mere blip on my cosmic radar screen.

Gotta go - get my blood pressure down.

Thanks for all the comments. I have read them and taken them to heart. I don't think theses women "love" the organization. I think they continue to cling to an antiquated view of this organization.

Nancy,
I do not judge others, as that is also attachment to what you believe.

I believe it is the heart that matters most, and no one can measure what is in anothers heart.

If you do not want your heart measured do not measure others heart. Cause and Effect.

Patrick

Nancy I keep checking in for your next post. I wonder how things are now, in your district?
Have they changed? Have you changed? Who has left?
Who,new has joined? How have the events you described affected/effected (both are apropos)your practice? I keep wondering... please get back to us soon! Thank you.
RB