Bud. That is our nickname for each other. We met in September 1979 and talked to each other every day since. I don't know where "Bud" came from, but it's been in our lives for most of those 28 years. Most times it just came out, "Morning, Bud."
It's my job to inform you that my husband, Rev. Greg passed away Tuesday, June 10, 2008. Rev. Greg is my husband Greg Dilley. He decided to go diving Tuesday. He hadn't been in the ocean for about 2 years and I thought he would free dive. I talked to him at 1:30. A typical catching up on what happened in the last couple hours. He was in Pacific Grove. I never asked him what he was going to do. I hate it when he dives, so I just put it out of my mind.
I picked up my daughter from school and arrived home at 3:00. Less than 10 minutes later I received a call on my cell phone. It was Monterey Fire. My mouth went dry as soon as he said Monterey Fire. Looking back, I knew, but I kept up hope. He just told me Greg was at the hospital and to drive calmly. I knew. Our 15 year old daughter went with me and I asked my parents to pick up our younger daughter when she got out of school.
When we arrived at the hospital, about 40 minutes later, we were lead to a small windowless room and a nurse told us. I have pieced together this story.
After my phone call with him, he headed down to the Coast Guard Pier in Monterey, CA. That would have taken about 15 minutes - 1:45. He parked and changed into his wetsuit, got all his gear and headed into the water - about another 30 - 40 minutes - 2:25. With this timeline, he was not in the water very long before something happened. He was found floating, recovered, rescue efforts, transport and I got the call at 3:10.
Greg was an experienced diver. He started free diving and later moved to scuba. I don't know why he decided to scuba dive that day, but we're all Buddhist, so he had made some internal decision. I thought I wouldn't be able to see him. I just wasn't strong enough. But I crossed the threshold to the room and saw him on the gurney. "Oh, Bud." I was able to chant with him for a few minutes and tell him I would keep the promises we made to each other.
Yesterday, Day 1, I received a call from Cliff Sawyer and Danny Nagashima. Cliff was born and raised in Salinas. We did weird Youth Division activities together in the late 80's and worked with him when he as at the SFCC. Danny was the head guy in SF for awhile and a breath of fresh air after our former dictator. It was heartwarming to hear their familiar voices. Danny said he would be reporting to President Ikeda that afternoon. The call didn't feel formal because we all know each other. About 30 minutes later, Ian McIlrayth (I have no idea how to spell his name) called. We also know Ian from his time in SF. I was able to talk a bit more with him.
Since I started my practice in San Jose, there has been one couple who are our go-to people. No matter the problem, they seemed to always encourage us. Maybe it was just our 4-way connection, but no matter how far up the leader ladder they went, we always called them. If you have ever been to the Silicon Valley Community Center, you know them. She called and left messages and I was able to talk with her Wednesday morning. He drove from San Jose Tuesday night to chant with me. My WD chapter leader stopped by just before him. We chanted and talked a bit.
My good friend and district member was the first person to come to the hospital. My brother was not far behind. They were there for me and for Kaela who was alternating between shock and anguish. I can not thank them enough for that support at such a difficult time.
My parents have been my biggest supporters and my brother-in-law is next in line. Thank you.
I'll let you know what's happening. We will be having a memorial in San Jose (SVCC) probably next weekend. Not this week, it's Father's Day.
Nancy
Posted by nt at June 12, 2008 08:24 AMDear Nancy,
I received your e-mail and wanted to post some very brief thoughts here.
I had known Greg for about 2 years through e-mails and phone calls and finally met him in person at DKMS 2007 when he was there with his group which included Adrian Kaehler and a whole slew of others whose names I can't recall right now.
The fondest memory I have of him was of him always shooting straight from the hip and being such a true-blue, warm-hearted guy. The feeling I got from him during our conversations was that he was that kinda guy that'd give you the shirt off of his back before even you realized you needed one.
I really, really miss the hell outta him and my only regret is that I didn't talk to him even more and hang out with him more in between trainings during DKMS 2007 week.
(Many)Hugs and my very best wishes,
---Jason
(Please feel free to e-mail me if you need some kind of assistance, even though I am on the East Coast!)
Greg was a buddha on the world stage. I remember him with great warmth from endless discussions, encouragement, sane advice and wisdom on Zadankai many years ago when I started practicing. My sympathy, daimoku and deepest respect to his family.
Posted by: Rick Heybroek at June 15, 2008 04:54 PMDear Nancy,
Words cannot tell you how sorry I am. I am stunned and so saddened by this news. I will keep Greg and you and your daughters and family in my prayers. This is so terrible. I am just so, so sorry.
With Love,
Bridget
Posted by: Bridget at June 14, 2008 09:17 AMHello,
I'm a friend of Greg's, one of his budo buddies who lives here in Japan.
I want to pass on my condolences to you and your family. I am so sorry to hear this.
An all the way nice guy.
Sleiman Azizi
Posted by: Sleiman Azizi at June 13, 2008 04:55 PMDear Nancy,
My deepest condolences. I learned about Greg's death from Angie Kaphan. I have nothing but the deepest respect and gratitude for both you and Greg. The both of you had such a positive impact on my Buddhist practice. I cherish my memmories of practicing Buddhism together with you and Greg in San Jose. I am chanting for you and your family.
Love always-
Alice
I will always respect and miss one of the best influences in my life. I miss Greg, and will regret not staying in touch. My days at Sun Micro with Greg will always be a highpoint in my life. I hope Nacy and the kids find peace(Greg always had a calming effect on me)Thanks for the memories...Starbucks, training in the electrical room, Star Wars, working all night, and all our crazy conversations that made me laugh, and look at life a different way, you have a place in my memories forever.
Posted by: beau abrams at June 13, 2008 12:27 PMOh Nancy, I don't have the words. I only met Greg once (for sushi in Pasadena), but the years of e-correspondence led me to know a truly decent, and truly great, man. I am so sorry. I won't bother you with more than that. Please know that my thoughts and prayers are with you, and that I will always hold that fine warrior in my heart. He made a difference with his life. I can only aspire to do half as much with mine, when my time arrives.
With deep love, and joy in his memory,
Andy
Posted by: Andy Hanlen at June 13, 2008 10:38 AMNancy,
my deepest empathies and prayers go out to you and your family and all Greg's friends. I'm a faithful reader of Fraught with peril. NEver got to meet him - but this blog means alot to me. It has changed my life in really positive ways and deepened my seeking spirit. I admire his work and his thoughts so much.I will be sending daimoku- to you all.
peace to you,
Magnolia
Magnolia
Posted by: Magnolia at June 13, 2008 09:51 AMNancy:
My deepest condolences to you and your family. Greg was a fearless trail blazer with his creation of Fraught with peril, and one heck of a writer. I could always count on him to be funny and give the bottom line. He was an amazing person who seeme dto live life to the fullest. May peace be with you and your family at this challenging time.
Charles
Posted by: Charles at June 13, 2008 06:31 AMNancy....I offer this poem by Mary Oliver to you to honor Greg and the amazing love you shared:
When Death Comes
Mary Oliver
From New and Selected Poems by Mary Oliver (Beacon Press, 25 Beacon St, Boston, MA 02108-2892, ISBN 0 870 6819 5).
When death comes
like the hungry bear in autumn;
when death comes and takes all the bright coins from his purse
to buy me, and snaps the purse shut;
when death comes
like the measles-pox;
when death comes
like an iceberg between the shoulder blades,
I want to step through the door full of curiosity, wondering:
what is it going to be like, that cottage of darkness?
And therefore I look upon everything
as a brotherhood and a sisterhood,
and I look upon time as no more than an idea,
and I consider eternity as another possibility,
and I think of each life as a flower, as common
as a field daisy, and as singular,
and each name a comfortable music in the mouth
tending as all music does, toward silence,
and each body a lion of courage, and something
precious to the earth.
When it's over, I want to say: all my life
I was a bride married to amazement.
I was the bridegroom, taking the world into my arms.
When it is over, I don't want to wonder
if I have made of my life something particular, and real.
I don't want to find myself sighing and frightened,
or full of argument.
I don't want to end up simply having visited this world.
Posted by: Lee at June 13, 2008 03:46 AMNancy,
I am almost speechless. In the spiritual journey of life, Greg was a good companion, and connected so many folks in the cyber-community. I shall miss his voice, and hope that what is good in him, can carry on in the lives of those he affected.
My heart goes out to you and your daughters.
With hands together, and bowing deeply with respect to the departure of one-heck-of-a-Bodhisattva.
Kris
I only knew Greg on line for about 5 years. He was always a straight shooter. I am at a loss for words.
Posted by: robin at June 12, 2008 06:33 PMHi Nancy.
I heard of this from a friend of mine who lives in Monterey (Greg did some survival training for him)
I'm soo saddened to hear this. Greg (and you & Chris) were wonderful friends... when I was hanging out with all of you.
It's amazing how the past affects us. All I have are memories of you guys, but the act of Greg's death brings all those memories back. Makes me wish I had kept in contact.
I'm up in Seattle now. Actually I'll be in the Bay area this weekend (going to a party up in Carmel Valley). If there's a wake or service for Greg this weekend, I'd love to hear about it, and will make every effort to go.
Sam
samweiss @ lightman.org
425 420 8754
I'm stunned. And deeply saddened. My condolences to all who knew him.
Posted by: Vanya at June 12, 2008 05:18 PM
My deepest condolences to you and your family. In the short time that I have been reading his posts on FWP I have developed a real appreciation for him and of course I will miss him. I am sure that his encounter with Shakyamuni Nyorai, with Nichiren and Mahasattvas is guaranteed. And may Greg dwell in the Quiet Light of Nirvana.
Namumyohorenguekyo,
Gnomegang,
Santo Domingo,
Dominican Republic
I was shocked to hear the news. My deepest condolences go out to you and your family. The world has lost a great cyber-bohisattva.
--Will
Posted by: Will Kallander at June 12, 2008 04:19 PMDear Nancy,
I met Greg on A.R.B.N. in 1995, he was one of those rare jewels that you find in your travels on this planet.
I hope that Ninja is smiling where ever he is, and eating a fried peanut butter and jelly sandwich with Elvis, then having a Karate contest and kicking his butt.
Stephanie and I send our condolences to you and your family.
Bruce and Stephanie Maltz
Posted by: Bruce Maltz at June 12, 2008 02:48 PMNancy,
My deepest condolences to you and the girls. Greg was a unique and amazing guy with a tremendous heart.
Sending you Daimoku.
Mimi
Posted by: Dr. Mimi at June 12, 2008 01:28 PMGreg was extraordinary human being. Extraordinary person. I wonder if he was aware of that. And aware of things he gave to all who was in contact with him. Without him this life will be more poor and lonesome. And I never met him personaly, and I live in Europe, and I am just reader of his blog, but this is real earthquake in my heart and my whole being. I am very, very sad.
To his wife Nancy and doughters, my deepest sorrow. Maybe it will be some kind of remedy if you know how many people, even unknown, experienced Greg as close friend and see him as beautiful and inteligent human being....for ever.
That how man of value makes trace in our lives.
Lali.
Posted by: Lali at June 12, 2008 12:43 PMHello Nancy:
Thank you so much for coming online and sharing with us. I can't tell you how sad I feel right now for you and your girls. I know you and Greg were so close. I always admired the great way the two of you worked together as a team. Both of you are an inspiration to many people. Please know you and Greg are in my prayers, and thoughts. I am so sorry you have lost your Bud. If you need anything and there isn't anyone available, I work close by in Salinas, and would be very happy to help in anyway that I can. 831-402-3954.
Sincerely, Ashley
Posted by: Ashley at June 12, 2008 11:56 AMNancy & family -
You and yours are in mine and my family's prayers.
Namaste, Engyo Mike Barrett
Posted by: Engyo Mike Barrett at June 12, 2008 10:52 AMDear Nancy - I am so very sorry about Greg's death. He did wonderful work building our online community -- there are so many people who would never have met and established friendships if not for Greg. He was a real "connector" for all kinds of people.
Please keep us apprised of the memorial time and date - I may be able to come up for the day.
Again, my deepest condolences to you and to the girls.
Best personal regards,
Byrd Ehlmann in Los Angeles
Posted by: Byrd in LA at June 12, 2008 10:50 AMDear Nancy,
My deepest condolences to you and your family. I will miss Greg a lot. Looking back on it, I am glad that I got a chance to speak with him in person in San Francisco a couple of weeks ago. I certainly could not have imagined it would be my last chance to do so. He was a good friend to all of us and a real community builder. I don't know what else to say. If there is anything I can do for you and your family I will certainly try to do so. Chris knows how to contact me.
Namu Myoho Renge Kyo,
Ryuei