Diary of a Chapter Leader

A Time For Change Has Come

During the middle years of our marriage, Greg worked for a high tech company in the Silicon Valley. The first years were tough, but when he transferred to Milpitas, he enjoyed his work. After about 7 or 8 years, he stopped enjoying the job. He would come home and complain about the management and the only good part of the job was his co-workers. As the supportive wife, I told him to quit and find another job. I told him we would get by on my salary until he found another job. He always said the money was good and the job was easy, so he stayed. We went through this every few months, then every few weeks until we decided to leave the Silicon Valley. He finally left his job, but not until he was forced out. He never worked another day. He taught martial arts a few hours a week, but never had another job.
A relative of mine has worked for the same company for many years, maybe 20 years. For the past few years, the company has been in financial trouble. Sometimes his pay check bounces. I meet some of his colleagues in my business. Everyone says what a great guy he is and that he does such a good job. For a few years, I have told him that he should check out his competitors, let the word out that he is looking for another position. I told him he could write his own ticket. He is concerned that he would not have the flexibility that he has with his current job. I didn’t try very hard because I could tell that he is not going to change.
A few weeks ago, I screwed up a friendship. I told a friend that if he was doing the same thing for 10 years and it was not working, he should make a change. I told him he deserved to be happy and if his current situation was making him unhappy, he should change it. I told him that sometimes you have to give up and try something else. He hasn’t spoken to me since. I knew I was putting our friendship on the line, but I was sincere, I want him to be happy. What I didn’t realize is that he could say the same thing to me.

Dog Update and Pack Behavior

First an update on my dog, Jill. She had been losing weight and stopped eating her dry dog food. I started feeding her canned food, but she stopped eating that, too. I took her to the vet, had a blood test and found she was anemic. The vet told me that meant she could have cancer. Then I took advice from one of my readers and started feeding her raw meat. That worked some what, but she really didn't like raw meat. A few days later we had another blood test and she was more anemic. I stared feeding her beef liver and beef heart and ground beef cooked for a minute or two in the microwave. She liked that. I chanted with this determination in mind - a visualization, that her body would start to absorb the iron and her bones would start making red blood cells. A few days ago I realized she had put back on her weight and she is much peppier. I just let her out to bark at a possum. She hasn't done that in months.

Next, some thoughts on pack behavior. I have watched a TV program called The Dog Whisperer for about a year. If you are unfamiliar with the show, it follows a man named Caesar who is an expert at dog psychology. He started with a pack of rottweilers. He watched their behavior in the pack - everything from how the leader kept control to how the pack responded to a new dog. The show follows him as he home visits people with dog problems. Every dog problem starts with humans. Usually the humans are not the pack leaders, the dog feel the need to take that position. That leads to possessive or violent behavior. In one episode, a woman had chosen her tiny dog over her son. She allowed it to attach the boy and she did nothing to stop it. The problems usually come from the owners tendency to think of the dog as "my baby" and not a dog. The dog needs leadership or it will take the pack leader position and control the humans in whatever way it can.
After watching this for several months, I started noticing that dog pack behavior in human groups - friends, co-workers, family, civic groups and of course SGI. As humans, we can share the Pack Leader role, but someone needs to be the leader or the pack can not progress. This reminds me of the "Where do you want to eat?" scenario. After a couple of rounds of "I don't know" someone will usually just make a decision - the pack leader. If no one takes the lead, no one eats.
In other groups, a leader is appointed. In work groups, there is usually an appointed leader. What happens if that leader sucks at leading? Either someone steps up or chaos. I think this situation creates the "Bitch" or the "Asshole." The equivalent of the violent dog. "Someone has to lead this group. I'll do it, but I suck at it. But I can't let them know that." I think everyone has encountered this.

Happy New Year 2010

Here we are at the end of another year. I hope you all have a revolutionary new year.

The end of this year is bringing some new challenges. I took my dog to the vet yesterday because she had stopped eating her regular food and was a bit listless. She seems to have a bit of arthritis in her hips and she perked up when I gave her the anti-inflammatory. The vet called today with the results of her blood work. She may have cancer and she is anemic and may have thyroid problems and they all may be related to the possible cancer. We adopted our dog, Jill, when we moved to Salinas. She is the family's first dog. I haven't told my kids about her - I will need to chant before I do that. My mood is not very positive right now, but I will chant for her and raise my positivity index over the next few days. She goes in for another blood test next week. I plan to chant up a better result. I'll keep you informed.

Tomorrow is the New Year celebration for our local SGI area. My kids are doing something with the youth division. Forever Sensei! Man, can't we find some new music? The new year meeting is always enjoyable because everyone comes - husbands, wives, siblings, mothers, fathers,kids, far-away members, everyone. I'm looking forward to it.

Have a safe and fun New Year's Eve and a peaceful new year.