May 26, 2004
My picture
How in the heck do I get this uploaded to the spot over my blogsite? Thanks!
Kind of a sad day
Even though I’ve been protected from various evils at my place of work, I have also become discouraged lately at work and acutely aware of how not believing blindly in the Soka Gakkai has made me more vulnerable.
I can no longer sit down and do a 10-hour tozo anymore. I just can’t. Being a blind believer, I could. And it probably helped me. My descent from belief has come with the realization that I don’t really have any friends in the Gakkai. Or maybe anywhere else, with the exception of my father and my boyfriend. I had a friend, who died (after being treated like shit by the leadership and members.) All the other people who I used to socialize with freely and talk to – I’m a gregarious person by nature – at meetings have never so much as given me a phone call in the past year or so. Some of my former “friends” have even shunned me because I stood up for someone who didn’t agree with the party line. Friends? Fair weather only.
My last Gakkai “friend” ended up calling my boyfriend four thousand times on his cell trying to lure him over to her place. You may guess what my response to this sort of “friendship” is.
Other than Dad and Dane – and I’ll include my master’s committee chair Mark, too, I really, honestly don’t have anyone. It’s a sad realization, but I find some comfort in knowing that I have released the bad karma to have “bad” friends in my life and am hoping that someday I might find some real friends. Ok. Just one. I’ll settle.
May 10, 2004
howzitgoin?
Hi everyone! I am so thankful and amazed that you have been reading and actually responding! I apologize for not being able to respond individually, but I am brand new at this blogging thing and I am not sure that it is even possible. In addition, our esteemed Blogmeister, Toad Dilley, found himself a bride who could see beyond his toady exterior to the prince within – so he’s outta been town on a honeymoon. (Congratulations to the prince and princess!). Therefore, I can’t figure out how to get my picture loaded up, either. I’ve been reading the other bloggers’ writing with great interest, but I’m not caught up yet.
Anyhow, these last few weeks have been life-changing and very difficult. More to come on this once I get my facts straight. Suffice to say for now that my difficult job has been, as usual, difficult, and despite positive changes in management, I’ve been working so many hours I can’t keep track of them anymore. Which brings me to the topic of my next blog: Am I happy now? Stay tuned . . .