I just turned 50. Not sure how to describe the feeling. On the one hand, it feels good to still be around. On the other hand, well what the heck, it feels good to still be around.
I wish this world were a better place, but I'm content with doing my best to leaving it better than I found it, and barring that at least enjoying the effort of trying. I can't do much more than that.
Enlightenment is a nice goal, but it isn't "sustainable" unless somehow it is matched to "institutional" or "collective" memory. Doing well by myself is not enough. I might reach enlightenment, but I have no guarantee that "in my next life" the world I return to will be any better. Indeed "I" have a suspicion that "I" will just dissolve anyway. "I" will go on figuratively. But I'm going to forget everything. Even if there is such a thing as a soul, that soul, it seems, won't remember anything about this me who writes this blog. But that is a good thing -- a clean slate. What's important about "my" memories? If they are important I pray they be written in the "book of life" -- but beyond that. I don't know.
The talmud teaches that it is forbidden to even enquire about "what came before" and "what will come after." They are outside our scope. Literally unknowable. As if we were cartoons on a four dimensional paper. The cartoonist comes to the canvas to draw each day -- that is creation. Our time is not his time. If we are interesting enough he'll draw us in detail.
So Hurricanes, "interesting times", third world style leaders, and temporal politics are all important -- indeed life and death -- but not as important as how we "combat" the issues of our lives. Maybe we can do better.
Posted by cholte at September 10, 2005 09:58 AMHappy Birthday Chris.
Sorry I didn't get around to reading your blog a few days ago or my birthday greetings would not be so belated.
As for your comments, they provoked a few of thoughts in me:
I have been arguing about "non-retrogression" lately and I think primarily what I mean is not so much a concern about future lifetimes but our ability to achieve a certain level of maturity in this life. And I truly believe that when one has really and authentically matured spiritually, cognitively, emotionally, socially and so on that one does not fall back into less mature perspectives (barring brain damage or certain degenerative diseases like Alzheimer's).
Also, back in high school and college I did used to get worked up about past and future lifetimes. Rebirth was a big article of faith with me. But I eventually realized that it was here and now that is more important and the rest will take care of itself if I take care of what I am responsible for at this time in this place. Then I read Susan Blackmore's book "Dying to Live" and became much more agnostic about the other stuff.
I also realized something about the perfection of generosity and the doctrine of merit transference. Bodhisattvas should always be giving to others and transferring all their karmic merit for others, and I realized that because there is no continuity of memory and subjectivity with past and future lives even according to the traditional Buddhist view (excepting for those who attain the power to recall past lives) then all the karma I am creating now for a future life really is not for me afterall, because that won't be the "me" that I am now. That other "me" will not even remember the me that I am now. So my generosity begins in a narrow way with making good causes for that other me but in that case why not be even more generous and work to make good causes for all beings here now and all who will come after. And the reward of that is right in the cause itself. My heart is freed when I see things like this and act on it.
Maybe that was a bit garbled, but that's the best I can do the moment. Anyway, happy birthday. May you see at least 50 more.
Namu Myoho Renge Kyo,
Ryuei
Thanks for the birthday greeting. It's not your fault really as I didn't get around to posting this publicly until late. Amazing what a blank screen can do for the ego.
At any rate, I guess part of maturity is recognizing that some things are beyond one's scope. Attaching to that which is impossible to know is kind of silly if one thinks about it. It would be another thing if it were possible for us to know for sure.
At the same time we do have a window on the "world after" and the "world to come". It's called imagination. Imagination makes the "world after" and the 'world to come' something that can be real for us. Thus the Jodo School can imagine life in a Lotus floating on a pond, Christians can imagine a party with their deified mentor Jesus, and Buddhists imagine being reborn at Eagle Peak.
Since imagination is also involved in creation, who knows but that each thing imagine couldn't "create" some level of reality at some point. Imagination can move mountains, because it can mobilize bucket brigades and shovels. It can build cathedrals, bridges, roads; or walls, bombs, conflict and death. What we imagine can become real -- but when it does it is because the imagination sparks some chain of causality to make it real. We are not wizards or magicians. Our imagination can generate reality only if it is within the scope of our existence.
And of course for some people all seems in scope. We call this schizophrenia. Unfortunately it doesn't create a limitless world, but a trapped and nightmarish one. These "Don Quixote's of the world" are forever bruising themselves against windmills. So we can imagine. It's harmless. What we imagine even has some inward reality. But we'd better be careful less it be harmful, and we mistake that inward reality for an outward one.
I can fly in my dreams, not very high, but the sensation seems real until I wake up. That flight can help me fly though life for real. I just have to be careful how I stop.
To my friends who insist that God wrote the bible, I say "I agree -- He writes pretty good fiction don't he!"
Posted by: Chris Holte at September 13, 2005 05:21 PMCongratulations (or is it condolences?)!
50 is definitely an accomplishment. I still have a bit to go; hopefully we can all enjoy this milestone when we reach it.
Namaste, Engyo Mike Barrett
Posted by: Engyo Mike Barrett at September 14, 2005 07:55 AM