Dr. Mimi - The Snap Diva Sings

And you STILL go to AA?

Over the last 8 months, I found myself returning to 12 step meetings...

]]> Yup, 17 years plus clean and sober and still going to those dang meetings. It may seem odd being a Buddhist (not praying for things outside of oneself) and attending 12 step recovery meetings that focus on getting out of self, turning over one's will and finding a power greater than oneself. It's one of those conundrums that defines me.

I converted to Nichiren Buddhism after the first 18 months of recovery. A Christian concept of a higher power was not working for this Diva. I needed to find a religious philosophy that would help me find a conscious connection to the universe rather than to an individual deity. I also had trouble buying the concept of "God's will"-- too much like fatalism to me (the statement "it's my karma" has that same fatalistic tone to me). The Lotus Sutra seemed positively revolutionary to me, presenting me with a world view that would empower me to challenge myself and my environment. Chanting Nam Myoho Renge Kyo enabled me to "work my steps" (doing personal inventory, looking at my shortcomings, making amends and continuing a spiritual journey).

I have spent most of my recovery and Buddhist practice living away from "the Center" of the organization. Most recently I have faced major physical, emotional and spiritual obstacles that forced me to look beyond the SGI. I continue with my Buddhist practice but have also needed to return to "live" 12 step meetings. Although I have been connected to other "recovering Buddhists" via the Internet, there are none locally.

So I return to AA for the comraderie, remembering what it was like (a whole 'nuther story), what kinds of conscious choices I need to make to stay sane and sober on a daily basis. Now I am even thinking of returning to Alanon (the fellowship for friends and family members of alcoholics). Looking for helpful information and support in every venue.

Dr. Mimi

"Car"-ma or people behaving badly

Just got back from a Tae Kwon Do School field trip to the waterslides in Sacramento. Something about 102 degree heat (we always say it's a dry heat) that seems to melt away common sense in people's heads.

]]> We were getting our caravan together in the parking lot to return home. The last carload (our very time challenged instructor) was keeping us waiting. Out of nowhere a sedan sped through empty parking spaces, hitting a waiting car behind me. It didn't stop until it ran into another parked car with a mom putting her infant into the car. Amazingly the first car hit deflected the speeding car away from one of our students getting into one of our cars.

It turned out that the driver was a fourteen year old girl who had been given the keys to load up the car. A large group (about ten of her family) ran up to the car, telling her to get out of the car and starting to argue with each other. Very quickly the crowd swelled with our students, the family from the other hit car. It was one of those moments that felt like a mob becoming out of control.

Multiple people called 911 (including myself) but they were taking forever to come. Once the police came the family of the girl became more verbally abusive hitting the girl and then coming after the driver of the car (one of our parents) whose had been missed.

It was definitely one of those meconium hitting the fan and flying all over the place moments. The parents from our school moved our students out of the melee and things started to calm.

After things cooled down we all realized how fortunate it was that no one was hurt. A few feet forward and my car would have been hit on the side where my son was sitting. The girl who was nearly hit was able to jump behind a car door just in time. The infant in the other car was uninjured- very fortunate as she was not yet in her car seat. Her mom was safe instead of being pinned between her car and the speeding car.

I'm not one of those people that believes in random luck and coincidences. I felt protection for myself and the other people on the scene. Having experienced the front end of my own car being torn off by a semi truck, I don't take this new experience lightly. It gave me a whole new appreciation for importance of de-escalating hot tempers and preventing mayhem.

Snapping many "yo's" and thank yous to the Shoten Zenjin...

Dr. Mimi

Looking at the blank page

I haven't faded into the woodwork. Just pondering about what to say.

This is my second weekend in a row on call, so I am a bit focused on my patients. My son had an episode of "acute testosterone poisoning" on Monday- so I have been working with him on attitude adjustment.

I've had snippets of ideas about writing about my take on Bill Cosby's comments on the state of affairs in the African American community, the humanitarian crisis in Dafur, Sudan and the recent Hip Hop convention on the east coast. Nothing has come together so far.

Just letting y'all know that I haven't left the building....

Juneteenth

My son and I attended the local Juneteenth celebration. Juneteenth (celebrated around June 19th) commemorates the day that slaves in Texas found out they were actually free. The Emancipation Proclamation was proclaimed about 2 1/2 years prior to the news getting to Texas. It's a holiday observed primarily in the southwest and western US African American communities.

]]> For me, Juneteenth eclipses July 4th. Yes, Independence Day celebrates the birth of the United States, however my ancestors didn't have recognition as human beings at the time. It's part of that historical contradiction that underlies much of the racial challenges we face today in the US.

In the 50 years since the Brown Supreme Court decision (the initial case on desegregating schools), our country has been in much turmoil. As we become increasingly more diverse, I don't think this will soon abate.

As an African American woman who practices Buddhism, it is a daily challenge to reconcile my diverse life experiences. I am hardly part of the African American Community mainstream. I practice in a faith tradition where there is great conflict among various Nichiren sects. I live in a community where I am definitely a minority (politically progressive, person of color and educated- each of those aspects make me an outlyer where I live).

However it is because of those contradictions that I stay in my community, continue to chant and do my best to make my contribution on a daily basis. I do my best to teach my son about his heritage (both US African American and Horn of Africa) and expose him to the cultural richness of the diverse people around him.

From my childhood to my young adulthood, I was a witness and participant in the Civil Rights and Black Power movements. My parents are a living legacy of their struggles for equality and justice throughout their lives. I build on that base to expand my worldview and model myself as a world citizen.

Caught between the Baby Boomer and Hip Hop Generations...

Snapping to my own beat,

Dr. Mimi

The last day of school...

Today was the last day of first grade for my son. This might seem like a tiny milestone. However the beginning of my son's year was pure hell.

]]> He was enrolled in a magnet school based upon the "open plan" model for kindergarten and the beginning of first grade. Imagine a school that was designed to create a "positive learning environment that embraces peace, diversity and non traditional learning." Visualize the reality that the school was the place of racial taunting and profiling, incapable of coping with any children with very dark skin. The ironic aspect was that this was the school that most of the children in local SGI district attended. Even more ironic was that one of the parents involved in the racial targetting was a member. I knew it was time to transfer schools when the White parents protested that one of their children had consequences for making racist statements (as in "my mother told me I cannot play with any dark children"). This combined with my being entangled in a child protective services issue (a family reported for suspected abuse and neglect) with a family from the district made my child's life at his school daily hell. On top of that I had a parent from my practice who had threatened to kill me, which created a whole new meaning for "security problem."

So my very special boy hated school when he transferred to his new school.The school superintendent found a "place for him" at the number one school in the county. The School District including the School Board were acutely aware that I had the basis for a racial harassment suit. I had exhausted all recourse within the school (working daily with the teachers and principals) before I presented to them that I was in the process of retaining an attorney. It didn't help their case that all these things were happening to the child of a pediatrician who was very active in the community.

I realized I made the right decision when within a two week period he could demonstrate a third grade reading level. As a carry over from the old school, he was also being tested for "special needs." After the testing, it was very clear to everyone (his new teacher especially) that he was a gifted child.

He had the incredible fortune of having the best first grade teacher for him. Someone who clearly kept him busy and engaged. A teacher whose class had a variety of ability levels (some of the children were also mainstreamed hearing impaired students) but treated them ALL as gifted. She brought excitement to learning through of myriad of special projects. Homework (even spelling tests) became a joy instead of a chore for my son. On top of this she was undergoing treatment for her THIRD recurrance of cancer and worked daily with severe chronic pain (an indomitable spirit that would make most of us look like slackers and whiners). She allowed me to participate weekly, teaching an African Caribbean dance class. The kids loved it. Whenever I missed (for vacation, or more recently due to injury), they would ask me when I would come back.

I learned a lot from this year. I learned how to become my son's advocate and stay active in his school. We have also discovered Tae Kwon Do, which has helped both of us feel more secure (along with some other arrangements).

Sadly, I have learned that for my wellbeing and that of my son, participating in my district is not a possiblity. The racism and intolerance is too upfront and personal for now. The contradictions of people saying that they practice a philosophy that embraces diversity and peace but employ death threats (members threatening bodily harm to leaders) and have no willingness to confront their racism is too much for me. My district (and higher up) leaders just couldn't understand why I wouldn't welcome a person into my home who made violent threats (especially when the threat was directly related to actions I took as a pediatrician). I look for nurturing and positive people and places for my son and I. We have an incredible group of friends who have embraced us over the years in ways that Central Valley SGI member or leader ever has.

Stand alone spirit is my life. As I teach my son Gongyo, chant with him, I hope he will see the value of Nichiren Buddhism. These days he reads to me excerpts from the Gosho (a Children's excerpt book called, Buddhist Treasures). He is definitely a hard sell-- not yet convinced that the practice has value (especially in the lives of the members he has met). But he's the guy that makes sure we do Sansho.

Poison into medicine. My life in a nutshell.

Bending Time

This weekend is my 30th year high school reunion. Hot flashes are starting with a vengence.

]]> Time has a way of creeping up and smacking me upside my head. I have doing a bit of pining about days gone by. I find myself turning to old school and R and B stations for music I can actually understand. I roll my eyes when I open my patient's mouths and see tongue piercing (and we won't even mention my response to some other more delicate body piercings). I have never gotten those baggy pants combined with those belly showing tops.

Dang it, I'm middle aged and entering, gasp, menopause! The only catch is that instead of seeing my kid off to college, my son is just entering the second grade. I have to stay on the good foot to keep up with him. I look about 10 years younger than my chronological age. Some days however I feel about 10 years older. I graduated from high school at 16 (as with most of my classmates), so y'all can do the math.

So much of my time is doing all the things most single working mommas have to do. It is a full time job just doing the mom part let alone filling in on daddy duties and working a profession where part time work means 40 hours a week (I don't work part time).

Yea, it sounds like I am whining but actually I am very grateful. It's amazing what seeing a large orange semi truck driving over the front end of your car can do for one's attitude. Just another attention getter that I don't have to solve all the world's problems, be the perfect mom or have my son in multiple after school activities.

So the last week or so, I have had the chance to take a bit of a breather. Enough time to stop and enjoy the flowers in my garden, take my dog on a real walk, make volcanoes with my son (I'm helping him find his inner geek).

Enjoying each day. Not missing Disco or polyester (much).

The Diva vs the Semi

My SUV was hit by a semi today....

]]> Sounds like the beginning of a great country song. I was stopped at the light in a turning lane when a very large orange semi turned into the lane next to me. Unfortunately he undercorrected and took out my front end, driver side, axle and wheel. Thankfully I was only with my dog (coming from the vet). If I had been moving I probably would have flipped over. The truck kept on going but was stopped by the police several blocks later.

My upper body is sore, I'm needing some physical therapy for my left arm and shoulder. I didn't get to see many patients today...

Must be expiating some bad mama jama karma....

Will keep you posted. Arm should be in better shape for writing next week.

Chanting for that Fendi Bag

Yes, my head tilted in disbelief hearing that someone was chanting for a Fendi bag, I was listening to National Public Radio's piece on Soka Gakkai Buddhism (www.npr.org). It was part of a series on New Religions in the United States.

]]> The story started interviewing members from Beverly Hills, California. Much of the emphasis seemed to be on "gimme gimme Buddhism" (as in I wll be happy once I get all the stuff I want). Somehow that would translate into other people becoming happy in that way and creating world peace once everyone was happy.

The history of the organization was described as a group of Japanese women, their military husbands and hippies that were the beginning of the organization now morphed into an organization of middle classed socially progressive people from all ethnic groups.

There's more to the piece. I know that all the depths of Nichiren Buddhism cannot be explored in 8 minutes. My take away feeling is that how superficial SGI-USA must look from the outside.

If I honestly felt that world peace could be achieved by my getting all the stuff I want, I would do it in a heartbeat. I crave for other things in my life journey- great relationships with family and friends, the ability to help others via my profession, standing up and speaking out on issues of the day, raising my son to be the best he can be.

All that just won't fit into a Fendi Bag...

Snapping to keep from rolling my eyes.

Dr. Mimi

Happy Mother's Day

I know most of us on this blog site have been focused on issues of not eating meat and the details of war and torture. Oh well, this is not going to be one of those blogs.

]]> I am happy to say that I am not on call, not needing to carry a beeper. Most of my families will have a hard time tracking me down this weekend. However Modesto is small enough that I manage to see many of my families in the park, at the store or even at a light.

I've been one of those Mama types for a little over seven years. One of those experiences definitely fertile ground for spiritual growth. Being a single mom in a community with many two parent households has been a challenge.

Yesterday, I was the sappy,sentimental mom at my son's school. His class performed "Froggy goes a Courtin' " and "I love you foreever" ( probably the sappiest children's book of all time- they did it with song and signing). However this mama was enchanted and touched afterwards by my son walking up to me and asking me to a luncheon. The kids made lunch for their moms and themselves. Knowing my child was capable of making more than a peanut butter sandwich touched me deeply.

I treasure being a mom and all that goes with it. The runny noses, hurt feelings, little sucesses and school projects. It's only the end of first grade but we have weathered writing small books, innumerable spelling test practices (last week's hardest words were "estivation" and "camouflage") and now the big diorama project. After Monday, I hope to never read another episode of "Frog and Toad."

Anyway, Mother's day has it's roots in the peace movement- the first one celebrated as a "Mother's Strike" against war during WWI. I celebrate Mother's Day not for the card and the gifts rather for the blessings of having a young person in my life. Mamaship also has it's priveleges. Who else gets to say, "why 'cause I said so" or "uh huh, I told you so" at least once an hour?

Snapping to yet another Caribbean party... Roast pig two weeks in a row...I am a happy camper.

Dr. Mimi

P.S.( I'm culturally one of those folks who eats all the pig except the oink. Don't even try to make me a vegetarian. I've been veggie only type in the past. These days I am happily omnivorous--pooping and peeing nicely as well)

One of those moments

A dear friend (a physician, ex-Catholic Nun, Tibetan Buddhist) turned to me and said, could you say a few words about peace from your tradition? We were at a celebration homecoming party for the 19 year old son of dear friends. This young man has chosen the military for the last year and a half and was home on leave.

]]> It's hard to describe my circle of friends (I also call them my family of choice). We all came from varied backgrounds but all have a connection to the same community health center at some part in our careers. All health care providers who like to gather monthly for friendship, food and dance. These people have insisted upon being my friends, feeding my soul and heart. They have embraced my son and I replacing family that lives far away. Rarely do we ever focus on religion except on holidays (we have celebrated many holidays from many religious traditions).

So near dusk, my friend Shirley decided we needed to gather in a circle and say something about peace and safety for our young friend. She began with a Hawaiian chant about peace. Another friend did a Hindu chant in Gujarat. My turn was a libation to the ancestors honoring the Orisha Oya ("Oriki Oya Ase") followed by the fullest sansho I have ever said. Shirley ended with a Catholic prayer in Spanish (the first language of most of the people there).

Our hearts were full and sad. Seeing a young man mature is an incredible experience. Knowing he is going in harm's way is a difficult one. I have worked many years in the peace movement which made me feel very torn. I spent many a day standing on the street corners of my city holding signs against the occupation in Iraq.
Many of my friends there share the same desire about peace but also face the reality of this young man's choice.

I live in a part of California where many young people choose the military. Often times this is their best choice for education and employment as their communities have few opportunites (Modesto is no exception). I pray that in 11 years my son will not feel compelled to make the same choice. I hope that he can find a path that can open up the way for confilict resolution and reconciliation.

But today is my young friend's day...

Snapping to my 16 anniversary of recieving Gohonzon on May 2.

Dr. Mimi

The Big Day

Couldn't miss observing this. The day that Nichiren Daishonin first chanted
Nam(u) Myoho Renge Kyo (now don't all y'all get all flustered about whether it was Nam or Namu). The beginning of the whole mamajama.

Not much of a blog today- just noting the day.

Snapping to teach my son's first grade African Caribbean Dance.

Dr. Mimi

Blog Freeze

I've been having a bit of writer's block over the last several days. Life has a way of interfering with my writing time. Do I write about the latest school adventure of my short human? Would you all really like to know what my life is like?

]]> You've probably noticed this is not the blog for those needing theory or elegant discourses about the nature of Nichiren Buddhism. I have the time to read those things (I really enjoy the stuff). I'm just not the one to do the presenting.
Besides there are some mighty fine blogs on this site doing this already.

Anyway I have been having a lot of life lately. My seven year old thought it would be a great idea to yell, "food fight" during lunch at school last week. This resulted in a stat page from the principal letting me know about his "poor choices" and his three day opportunity to have lunch in the principal's office. It was one of those "hello" moments. Perhaps I needed to spend more quality time with the youngun. Life without TV (especially Nickolodeon and Disney Channel) has been an edifying experience for us both. More talk time and even time to learn Gongyo and chant more Daimoku together. I'd like him to use his leadership skills for good not evil. Besides as nice as it is for me to chant for him, I think his opportunity to chant himself is helpful. Probably breaking one of those Guidance rules about persuading young ones to chant. So sad too bad.

The two staff in my office have had major home problems. Mind you I have a limping pediatric practice that was booming until 6 months ago when I had a death threat from an angry mom, health problems (son and myself), having to take three months off (those are just the high points). Now, I am struggling to keep the bills and staff paid. One staff member's son charged up her credit cards, cleaned out her checking account while she went on vacation a week ago. Last night the other staff person's house was burglarized, car stolen then burned. No I am not trying to drag them to the nearest Buddhist meeting or persuading them to chant. Our relationship is too dear to me. Besides they need to see first that this practice actually works in my life before they are convinced it might work for them. Given the craziness of the last 6 months in my life, the jury is out on this (for them).

When meconium (look it up in the dictionary) happens in my life and environment it is usually over the top. Nothing like a whole lot of stuff to get my attention. It's not about having a "woe is me, my karma is so deep" attitude. It's really about getting up, getting busy and making this stuff change.

I've seen meconium fly in my life on a regular basis during my 16 years of Buddhist practice (anniversary May 2nd). I never say to myself, "it can't get worse." My goal is to step through the mess with as much grace and humor as possible.

Life is never boring in my little city.

Three syncopated snaps before bed,

Dr. Mimi

Take what you need and leave the rest

Sounds like a cliche from the 12-step world cause it is. I found my recovery first then found Nam Myoho Renge Kyo via another person in recovery at the end of a meeting. It was a delicious moment as a family friend had tried to Shakabuku me 11 years before. I wasn't interested, had too much studying and partying to do. Besides with my left politics I didn't think I would fit in (waving flags and wearing Betsy Ross dresses were not my style).

]]> By the time I recieved Gohonzon, I was quite ready for a new spiritual adventure. Praying to a higher power that wasn't to whom it may concern was a relief. I also valued that fact the this "higher power" could come from within rather than some big Daddy or Mama in the sky. Having way too much brain chatter, I was not a candidate for sitting meditation. The sound of Daimoku had the wonderful effect of shutting down the noise.

The last 16 years of Buddhist practice has not been the most mellow. My life has had many peaks and valleys and a whole lot of strangeness. I've practiced in places with people I would otherwise never encounter. Yet these people had so many of the same issues as myself and my family. There have been many times that I have sought out "outside" spiritual life (such as my 12-step family and connection to people from other spiritual and religious tradtions).

I've tried being the "good little Buddhist" following all the "organizational rules." It worked for a time but my mouth and mind have managed to bring controversy to many aspects of my Buddhist practice. As my practice developed my ability to question also grew. Time for me to use my mind and not follow blindly.

At times I feel that the SGI is at some cross roads. The last 14 years have been filled with many dramas, many changes in the organization. Some I have celebrated such as the opening up of the organization re the GBLT community, the acknowledgement of racism in the organization, the drive toward ecumenism (to a degree). However I live in an outlying area where some of these "new ideas" have not fully taken root.

Lately though, I not sure what is going on. There seems to be a hard press push to do Shakabuku. And now it is May contribution time. I get a tad nervous when someone is reaching so hard for my purse strings. I believe in charitable giving and supporting causes (and I have contributed a considerable amount of money to SGI-USA and many other charitable organizations). However I like to know where my money really is going to.

So this Buddhist is spending more time chanting Daimoku with small groups of people. Big meetings are not my thing for now. I read the publications consistently but I ask more "why is it so" questions.

It's not a lack of sincere faith or committment. I am an active participant in my community and do not hide my Buddhist practice. These days, I am taking what I need and leaving the rest.

Three snaps before Gongyo and Tae Kwon Do class,

Dr. Mimi

Whose Buddhism is it anyway?

I've been reading all the blogs on this site and have been mighty impressed. Lots of bright people with great writing skills. Sincere thoughts on their perspective on faith. This is the site I have always hoped for.

Now that everyone is comfortable with the nicey nicey stuff, people are starting to strut their argumentative selves. I think this is natural. Besides the founder of our collective tradition, Nichiren was a superb debater and scholar. I personally think anyone who studies the Gosho has to develop some form of critical thinking to make sense of it all. I personally channel Shijo Kingo (that hot headed physician in the Gosho).

Sometimes I think it is just human nature to have folks split up into many different versions of the same faith. Christianity is such a great example with Catholics, Protestants, Evangelicals many times slugging it out. Sunni and Shi- ite Muslim have centuries of disagreement many times leading to some bloody battles (humm perhaps part of the Iraq problem). Wahabi Muslims just have it out many times with all of their other brethren. The many forms of Judaism also are contentious. That's just to name a few.

So, seeing so many versions of Nichiren Buddhism doesn't seem so odd to me. Even all the arguments or as I like to put it , "I/we have the franchise on the true interpretation and practice of what Nichiren taught." I'm always a bit suspicious when one group stays so focused on being the "true beliver" (probably my biggest discomfort I have being a SGI member). Hearing from folks from the different Nichiren approaches gives me a chance to also take a look from the outside of my own tradition.

]]> I see this site as chance to reach across our differences to share experiences, dialogue on theoretical issues and even have fun sometimes doing it.

Okay y'all let's keep it up!

4 snaps to the four directions,

Dr. Mimi

Love my neighbor

There was a very quiet knock on the door tonight during Gongyo. My neighbor was on the porch with his oldest son. "Uh Mimi, could you unlock the gate so we could get the RV Tarp off your roof." Usually when I am chanting it takes a moment to get my attention. No need to refocus. Trying to visualize the RV tarp laying on the side of my roof was too hard, I had to go out and SEE this.

Yup, it's Modesto. Land of the really big trucks and SUV's. Except here people actually use them for work not just play. My neighbors pour concrete, do iron work, haul all sorts of stuff around. Even though this place masquerades as a city we are just a gust of wind away from Dairies and all sorts of farms. Canneries and Olive Oil pressing company are walking distance away. I even got myself a little SUV so my vehicle was high profile enough so all these trucks and land yachts wouldn't run me down. Besides I have a bit of the hauling act going. The other major job in my community is hauling stuff so you can improve your yard and house. I haven't sported the cowboy hat and boots yet, but I can feel it coming.

I love my neighbors, really I do. When I intergrated the block nearly 8 years ago, I wasn't sure how I would be received. Folks gave ice cream socials to welcome me. When I went on bedrest pregnant with my son, there was a whole troupe of people checking in on me. Last fall, when unhappy parents of patients made my life difficult, my neighbors did an informal watch on the house and made sure we were safe. My RV neighbor even offered my some fire power just in case.I told him no but I would speed dial him if I needed his help; I developed a whole new appreciation for his NRA dad.

]]> So I have learned to have a real sense of humor when stuff happens on my block. My neighbors are protective of me; I also look out for them. They know I do some "Buddhist thing" but never give me a hard time about it. I'm not one for aggressive shakabuku. I focus on being a friendly neighbor.

Yes, the tarp came off the roof with the help of another neighbor. Now if only my next door neighbor will fix the sprinkler that the Cement truck cracked coming up his driveway (that's a whole 'nuther story).

In due time. Gives us something to talk about in the front yard...

Hoping the wind dies down so I don't have more surprises on the roof in the morning.

3 snaps to the wind...

Dr. Mimi