Couldn't miss observing this. The day that Nichiren Daishonin first chanted
Nam(u) Myoho Renge Kyo (now don't all y'all get all flustered about whether it was Nam or Namu). The beginning of the whole mamajama.
Not much of a blog today- just noting the day.
Snapping to teach my son's first grade African Caribbean Dance.
Dr. Mimi
I've been having a bit of writer's block over the last several days. Life has a way of interfering with my writing time. Do I write about the latest school adventure of my short human? Would you all really like to know what my life is like?
You've probably noticed this is not the blog for those needing theory or elegant discourses about the nature of Nichiren Buddhism. I have the time to read those things (I really enjoy the stuff). I'm just not the one to do the presenting.
Besides there are some mighty fine blogs on this site doing this already.
Anyway I have been having a lot of life lately. My seven year old thought it would be a great idea to yell, "food fight" during lunch at school last week. This resulted in a stat page from the principal letting me know about his "poor choices" and his three day opportunity to have lunch in the principal's office. It was one of those "hello" moments. Perhaps I needed to spend more quality time with the youngun. Life without TV (especially Nickolodeon and Disney Channel) has been an edifying experience for us both. More talk time and even time to learn Gongyo and chant more Daimoku together. I'd like him to use his leadership skills for good not evil. Besides as nice as it is for me to chant for him, I think his opportunity to chant himself is helpful. Probably breaking one of those Guidance rules about persuading young ones to chant. So sad too bad.
The two staff in my office have had major home problems. Mind you I have a limping pediatric practice that was booming until 6 months ago when I had a death threat from an angry mom, health problems (son and myself), having to take three months off (those are just the high points). Now, I am struggling to keep the bills and staff paid. One staff member's son charged up her credit cards, cleaned out her checking account while she went on vacation a week ago. Last night the other staff person's house was burglarized, car stolen then burned. No I am not trying to drag them to the nearest Buddhist meeting or persuading them to chant. Our relationship is too dear to me. Besides they need to see first that this practice actually works in my life before they are convinced it might work for them. Given the craziness of the last 6 months in my life, the jury is out on this (for them).
When meconium (look it up in the dictionary) happens in my life and environment it is usually over the top. Nothing like a whole lot of stuff to get my attention. It's not about having a "woe is me, my karma is so deep" attitude. It's really about getting up, getting busy and making this stuff change.
I've seen meconium fly in my life on a regular basis during my 16 years of Buddhist practice (anniversary May 2nd). I never say to myself, "it can't get worse." My goal is to step through the mess with as much grace and humor as possible.
Life is never boring in my little city.
Three syncopated snaps before bed,
Dr. Mimi
Sounds like a cliche from the 12-step world cause it is. I found my recovery first then found Nam Myoho Renge Kyo via another person in recovery at the end of a meeting. It was a delicious moment as a family friend had tried to Shakabuku me 11 years before. I wasn't interested, had too much studying and partying to do. Besides with my left politics I didn't think I would fit in (waving flags and wearing Betsy Ross dresses were not my style).
By the time I recieved Gohonzon, I was quite ready for a new spiritual adventure. Praying to a higher power that wasn't to whom it may concern was a relief. I also valued that fact the this "higher power" could come from within rather than some big Daddy or Mama in the sky. Having way too much brain chatter, I was not a candidate for sitting meditation. The sound of Daimoku had the wonderful effect of shutting down the noise.
The last 16 years of Buddhist practice has not been the most mellow. My life has had many peaks and valleys and a whole lot of strangeness. I've practiced in places with people I would otherwise never encounter. Yet these people had so many of the same issues as myself and my family. There have been many times that I have sought out "outside" spiritual life (such as my 12-step family and connection to people from other spiritual and religious tradtions).
I've tried being the "good little Buddhist" following all the "organizational rules." It worked for a time but my mouth and mind have managed to bring controversy to many aspects of my Buddhist practice. As my practice developed my ability to question also grew. Time for me to use my mind and not follow blindly.
At times I feel that the SGI is at some cross roads. The last 14 years have been filled with many dramas, many changes in the organization. Some I have celebrated such as the opening up of the organization re the GBLT community, the acknowledgement of racism in the organization, the drive toward ecumenism (to a degree). However I live in an outlying area where some of these "new ideas" have not fully taken root.
Lately though, I not sure what is going on. There seems to be a hard press push to do Shakabuku. And now it is May contribution time. I get a tad nervous when someone is reaching so hard for my purse strings. I believe in charitable giving and supporting causes (and I have contributed a considerable amount of money to SGI-USA and many other charitable organizations). However I like to know where my money really is going to.
So this Buddhist is spending more time chanting Daimoku with small groups of people. Big meetings are not my thing for now. I read the publications consistently but I ask more "why is it so" questions.
It's not a lack of sincere faith or committment. I am an active participant in my community and do not hide my Buddhist practice. These days, I am taking what I need and leaving the rest.
Three snaps before Gongyo and Tae Kwon Do class,
Dr. Mimi
I've been reading all the blogs on this site and have been mighty impressed. Lots of bright people with great writing skills. Sincere thoughts on their perspective on faith. This is the site I have always hoped for.
Now that everyone is comfortable with the nicey nicey stuff, people are starting to strut their argumentative selves. I think this is natural. Besides the founder of our collective tradition, Nichiren was a superb debater and scholar. I personally think anyone who studies the Gosho has to develop some form of critical thinking to make sense of it all. I personally channel Shijo Kingo (that hot headed physician in the Gosho).
Sometimes I think it is just human nature to have folks split up into many different versions of the same faith. Christianity is such a great example with Catholics, Protestants, Evangelicals many times slugging it out. Sunni and Shi- ite Muslim have centuries of disagreement many times leading to some bloody battles (humm perhaps part of the Iraq problem). Wahabi Muslims just have it out many times with all of their other brethren. The many forms of Judaism also are contentious. That's just to name a few.
So, seeing so many versions of Nichiren Buddhism doesn't seem so odd to me. Even all the arguments or as I like to put it , "I/we have the franchise on the true interpretation and practice of what Nichiren taught." I'm always a bit suspicious when one group stays so focused on being the "true beliver" (probably my biggest discomfort I have being a SGI member). Hearing from folks from the different Nichiren approaches gives me a chance to also take a look from the outside of my own tradition.
I see this site as chance to reach across our differences to share experiences, dialogue on theoretical issues and even have fun sometimes doing it.
Okay y'all let's keep it up!
4 snaps to the four directions,
Dr. Mimi
There was a very quiet knock on the door tonight during Gongyo. My neighbor was on the porch with his oldest son. "Uh Mimi, could you unlock the gate so we could get the RV Tarp off your roof." Usually when I am chanting it takes a moment to get my attention. No need to refocus. Trying to visualize the RV tarp laying on the side of my roof was too hard, I had to go out and SEE this.
Yup, it's Modesto. Land of the really big trucks and SUV's. Except here people actually use them for work not just play. My neighbors pour concrete, do iron work, haul all sorts of stuff around. Even though this place masquerades as a city we are just a gust of wind away from Dairies and all sorts of farms. Canneries and Olive Oil pressing company are walking distance away. I even got myself a little SUV so my vehicle was high profile enough so all these trucks and land yachts wouldn't run me down. Besides I have a bit of the hauling act going. The other major job in my community is hauling stuff so you can improve your yard and house. I haven't sported the cowboy hat and boots yet, but I can feel it coming.
I love my neighbors, really I do. When I intergrated the block nearly 8 years ago, I wasn't sure how I would be received. Folks gave ice cream socials to welcome me. When I went on bedrest pregnant with my son, there was a whole troupe of people checking in on me. Last fall, when unhappy parents of patients made my life difficult, my neighbors did an informal watch on the house and made sure we were safe. My RV neighbor even offered my some fire power just in case.I told him no but I would speed dial him if I needed his help; I developed a whole new appreciation for his NRA dad.
So I have learned to have a real sense of humor when stuff happens on my block. My neighbors are protective of me; I also look out for them. They know I do some "Buddhist thing" but never give me a hard time about it. I'm not one for aggressive shakabuku. I focus on being a friendly neighbor.
Yes, the tarp came off the roof with the help of another neighbor. Now if only my next door neighbor will fix the sprinkler that the Cement truck cracked coming up his driveway (that's a whole 'nuther story).
In due time. Gives us something to talk about in the front yard...
Hoping the wind dies down so I don't have more surprises on the roof in the morning.
3 snaps to the wind...
Dr. Mimi
That's exactly the kind of question you want your 7 year old to ask in a clear loud voice in the produce section at the grocery store. That's my kid-- asker of all questions at all times. Mind you this is on Good Friday in Bible Belt Modesto.
It took me so aback that I had to tell him-- ask me later honey. Actually I had FORGOTTEN what the day represents (yes the day of the crucifixion of the Christ). I'm a former Unitarian- Universalist- usually conversant in many religions but a tad spotty when it comes to Christianity.
That's the life of a Buddhist child in a very Christian Community. Even in Public School all sorts of religious holidays are celebrated (actually lets say another excuse for all sorts of candy). I don't take great pains to keep him separate from all the celebrations. We have a "family of friends" from many cultural and religious backgrounds. We get together regularly for holidays. It's hard to explain that "we're just doing the cultural part of the celebration." So my kid has lit candles at a friend's house for Hannukah, learned about fasting in Ramadan. Our house even sports a small Christmas tree, 'cause ya know every kid BELIEVES in Santa Claus under 8. Being African American, we also celebrate the cultural holiday of Kwanzaa.
So the short human is very ecumenical; holiday is a good excuse for fun and coming together with friends. It just gets very dicey for him when the other children at school make fun of his being Buddhist. One child told him definitively, all Buddhist pray to statues (mind you this one was Catholic-- he kind of missed out on the point about Catholics praying to statues of saints and the Virgin Mary). Others inform him on a regular basis that he is GOING to HELL as he doesn't believe in Jesus. That's a comforting thought for a first grader to pass onto his schoolmates.
My son proudly does Sansho; on some occasions will chant with me. We've even started reading bits of the Gosho together thanks to the "Buddhist Treasures" book and the kid's section of the World Tribune. He'd rather that I not "pubicize" that we are Buddhist. Just another thing that makes him different from his peers.
What did he ask once we got into the car in the store parking lot? "Mama, what is gambling?" Why does he save the easy questions for the car?
Guess he'll learn about craps, poker and blackjack soon...
2 snaps and lots of Daimoku for a QUIET on call weekend.
Dr. Mimi
Another morning Gongyo, the dog is barking, my son is asking for things about every 5th page. I'm thinking to myself- why didn't I wake up just that hour earlier (at 5 am) to beat the am rush in my house? Another day in Dr. Mimi's house.
Before child (and dog), Gongyo wasn't so hard to get done. Yes, I was YWD and also a resident in Pediatrics. Didn't seem like much of a struggle to work 100 hours a week and do Byakuren. I did Gongyo and Daimoku on call in my call room, empty patient rooms. Sometimes the nurses would even ask me, "Did you do Gongyo yet?" Just as they made sure I ate, they also noticed I was a much nicer person after some Daimoku.
It all changed with being pregnant with my son. I spent part of the first trimester horizontal and sick due to bleeding. Chanting on one's side is definitely a mind bending experience. Then the little bugger tried to deliver at 6 months and I was put on bed rest for the rest of the pregnancy. I was determined to have the healthiest baby possible and chanted what seemed like a skazillion Daimoku. Sure enough, number one son came out with eyes open and ready for action at term.
I suddenly realized all the really stupid guidance I gave to my parents about childcare before having a child. Having a child is like a second pediatric residency that never ends. I knew I had a keeper when he would hum along with Daimoku. He seemed to want me to chant all the time (that is when I wasn't nursing him)
Then he learned to walk at 10 months, flip off the couch at a year and climb up the door jam soon there after. Something about chanting with a moving target became quite the challenge. This was not a placid, stay in a play pen baby. Doing all this as a single mom (since the 6th week of pregnancy) made all this Buddhist practice quite the challenge. Going to meetings and actually being able to stay in the room was a struggle (forget actually participating or hearing anything).
Much of year 1 to year 5 was a blur to me. I do remember those peaceful moments when my son was alseep, I was awake and could chant. I also remember those moments when he would actually chant with me. Sometimes he would also INSIST that we went to a meeting (despite the active behavior during the meeting).
My son has gone through times when he has had many deep questions about Buddhism. He's not all that convinced that chanting works- yes he got the dog BUT his dad is not in his life (two things he has chanted about for years). He has been surrounded by Christians who have told him he was going to hell if he didn't believe in Jesus. He also went through a period last year when he decided (at 6) that he needed to become Jewish. Even gave Mama a Star of David Necklace for Christmas (now that is a whole nother story).
Now he insists that we do Sansho together. At times he'll try to recite part of the sutra or chant. His timing has improved asking for things (as in Mama I am STARVING, I NEED something to eat even though I ask him before sitting down if he would like anything). I can get through Gongyo and some Daimoku before the requests come. Even the dog knows that he has to wait until the bell rings before making the doggy requests.
So the goal the night before is to plan to wake up at least an hour before the circus starts. Sometimes that happens when I don't get paged through the night. Othertimes it's one of those "do your best days."
Have a child. Definitely a fast way to learn about patience and love.
Three snaps from the hospital computer...
Dr. Mimi
It's been one of those atypical typical days. The Emergency room woke me up at 6 am to let me know about a patient being admitted. One of those "oh by the way calls we are calling Child Protective Services because we are concerned about the family." Not the best way to meet a family for the first time.
Things moved on a downward course when I was greated by a City Policeman in the nurses station as I came onto the pediatric floor. This is a first for me in my 20 years as a physician; the police never beat me to the patient. My heart was in my throat as just 6 months ago, I had a mother of a patient threaten to shoot me at the same Hospital. One three -year restraining order, 3 months of rest and turning my pediatric practice upside down later, I have returned to practicing pediatrics.
It's a hard thing being an child advocate when there isn't a lot of support. I also realize the mother had to also deal with the consequences of her choices. Still a tough call. Choosing words very carefully, I encouraged the mother to follow through on going to a drug treatment program.
It all seemed so small when I realized today was the 10th anniversary of the Genocide in Rwanda (nearly 800,000 dead due to ethnic violence). So much of the news today also focused on the refugee situation in Dafor Sudan-- another genocide looming. I cannot imagine being a physician in either of those situations. What hard choices did my African colleagues have to make?
Somehow hearing about those crises put mine into some perspective. It's all about walking through the fear. At Tae Kwon Do class tonight we had to make kicks at an advancing object. The idea was to start moving toward the object and make it stop. Kick past and through the target.
So much of my life I thought having heart meant being porous letting things go through you. As a consequence, I felt overwhelmed. Today finding heart is having the courage to go through the obstacles even when it is moving towards you.
Tomorrow's another early day. Get the boy ready and take him to school, round on the patients and deal with the ever enlarging mound of paperwork.
The treat tomorrow? Teaching my weekly African Caribbean dance class with my son's first grade class.
Three kick snaps goodnight.
A sea of Black women in every hue in red suits and dresses. Some wearing hats with impossible gravity. You might ask, what is a Nichiren Buddhist doing at a women's day services on Palm Sunday at a Baptist Sanctified Church? For those uninitiated, Sanctified Churches are not the sedate variety. Praise singing, call and response and hand clapping abounds. I don't think this was the variety of Christianity that Greg Martin was writing about in a recent Living Buddhism issue.
Anyway, one of my dearest friends invited me to her church. A friend who has been my big sister in my eight years in Modesto. The minister's children are a part of my pediatric practice. I also went for a sense of community, connection to other African Americans. As the neice and grand daughter of Baptist, Lutheran and Disciples of Christ ministers, I have had a substantial sprinkling of Christianity. My Unitarian-Universalist parents always kept me connected with my Christian relatives.
The red dresses were not a fashion statement. Rather they represented the blood of Jesus Christ. This is not your "The Passion of the Christ" kind of Christ.
Rather one that my brothers and sisters have a personal and daily relationship. A faith that shares the passion and joys as well as the struggles and pain.
Therein lies the contradiction. How do I reconcile the religion of my culture with the religion of my choosing? I am passionate about the Lotus Sutra and Daimoku despite the fact that much of my practice is solitary (living in a outside area that has few people of color chanting). The biggest difference is in how I view change in my life and path to happiness. Nam myoho renge kyo enables me to take charge of my life rather than handing it over to a deity. I chant first for happiness in this world rather than focusing on the next.
There are just those times when hugs from older Black women, being stuffed with potato salad, fried chicken and pound cake cannot be replicated with Daimoku.
Clapping and singing in praise doesn't quite sound like recitation of the Lotus Sutra.
Not to worry. I didn't declare Jesus as my Lord and Savior. I didn't take communion. I have made that commitment to Buddhism that for now cannot be reversed. I have a deep profound connection to the Law.
Perhaps I need to be more like Ananda and find the dance and joy in my daily life.
Four snaps and claps in syncopation,
Dr. Mimi
Lately I have been fascinated by high heels. Not a shoe fetish rather a 46 year old woman's attempt to recover her youth. I've spent a lot of time in sensible shoes. These days I try things to push the envelope. For all you folks unfamiliar with Black vernacular: Snaps are a special movement to add emphasis to a story (complete with special waves and motion). Diva transcends all categories.
A little about me. I'm a pediatrician and single mom living in the Central Valley California. Yes, Modesto. Yes, I live in Laci Peterson's neighborhood. Just last week a 15 year old girl was shot to death in a drive by shooting near my house. Modesto is a rapidly growing small city that is home to Gallo Wine Co and a very active Methamphetamine production and trade. A little bit of everyone lives here. The funny thing is that I have lived here the last 8 years- the longest place in my adult life (think reasonable real estate). Life is quirky here but it feels like home. So quirky in fact that my son and I are learning Tae Kwon Do and Hapkido. There are times when chanting Nam Myoho Renge Kyo alone will not cut it. I've had to learn when it is okay to dialogue, when one needs to move quickly out of an unsafe situation.
I've been a SGI-USA member since May 1988. It's been a stormy relationship but I keep at least one toe in the organization. I chant most days just to maintain a sense of inner connection as well as the ability to put up with all the turmoil in my life and environment. At times life has been quite complicated- my Buddhist practice has been the constant that brought me through (in spite of myself).
No, this is not a personal ad. Just a little sketch so you know a bit about the person writing this blog. Back to the momma shift aka the weekend. Next time more on Nichiren Buddhism from a Snap Diva's perspective.
Dr. Mimi