It's been one of those atypical typical days. The Emergency room woke me up at 6 am to let me know about a patient being admitted. One of those "oh by the way calls we are calling Child Protective Services because we are concerned about the family." Not the best way to meet a family for the first time.
Things moved on a downward course when I was greated by a City Policeman in the nurses station as I came onto the pediatric floor. This is a first for me in my 20 years as a physician; the police never beat me to the patient. My heart was in my throat as just 6 months ago, I had a mother of a patient threaten to shoot me at the same Hospital. One three -year restraining order, 3 months of rest and turning my pediatric practice upside down later, I have returned to practicing pediatrics.
It's a hard thing being an child advocate when there isn't a lot of support. I also realize the mother had to also deal with the consequences of her choices. Still a tough call. Choosing words very carefully, I encouraged the mother to follow through on going to a drug treatment program.
It all seemed so small when I realized today was the 10th anniversary of the Genocide in Rwanda (nearly 800,000 dead due to ethnic violence). So much of the news today also focused on the refugee situation in Dafor Sudan-- another genocide looming. I cannot imagine being a physician in either of those situations. What hard choices did my African colleagues have to make?
Somehow hearing about those crises put mine into some perspective. It's all about walking through the fear. At Tae Kwon Do class tonight we had to make kicks at an advancing object. The idea was to start moving toward the object and make it stop. Kick past and through the target.
So much of my life I thought having heart meant being porous letting things go through you. As a consequence, I felt overwhelmed. Today finding heart is having the courage to go through the obstacles even when it is moving towards you.
Tomorrow's another early day. Get the boy ready and take him to school, round on the patients and deal with the ever enlarging mound of paperwork.
The treat tomorrow? Teaching my weekly African Caribbean dance class with my son's first grade class.
Three kick snaps goodnight.
Posted by drmimi at April 6, 2004 09:55 PM