By Queen Lolo, 8/07
Once upon a time, a beautiful little baby girl was born.
She had two big brown eyes, a cute little button nose, and a little beating heart that was whole and perfect including a tiny little invisible pin hole right in the middle of her heart where it was supposed to be.
Her parents loved her very much, and wanted to give her the world. They tried to fulfill her every wish and make her happy all the time. When they succeeded and she was happy, she smiled a smile so sweet, it was as if all the angels in heaven had arrived.
Life was good.
But of course, her parents were only human, as was she. So there were many, many times they failed to fulfill her desires and she cried, hoping they would understand her pain and make it go away by doing the right thing. But they were only human, as was she, and so they couldn’t always understand exactly what she needed.
She thought they were the source of her happiness and pain. And so every time she cried, she thought, “They don’t care enough to understand me and fix my pain and make me happy!”
And life was no longer so good.
As her eyes got bigger and her nose became cuter and her arms and legs got longer, the tiny little pin hole in her heart got larger, too. Sometimes it ached, and she thought if her parents loved her more, it would fill up and stop hurting. But just as they couldn’t stop her body from growing taller, they couldn’t stop the hole in her heart from getting bigger. It was just part of being human.
They had holes in their hearts too.
As she got older and moved out into the world, she continued to look for people and places and things to make her happy. But inevitably, no matter how happy she was, the hole in her heart would ache from time to time. And every time it did, she thought to herself, “If only my partner loved me enough, he would make the aching stop!”
But of course, he was only human, as was she. He couldn’t fill the hole in her heart, just as she couldn’t fill the hole in his.
Life felt very, very sad.
Then, one day, she met a man with deep blue eyes, silky hair, and a hole in his heart so huge, she could see it as clearly as she could see the sun. “Maybe if I try to fill the hole in his heart, mine will heal too,” she thought. And she tried to do what her parents were unable to do for her as a baby, anticipating the man’s needs and trying to make him smile and praying to ease his pain.
But of course, he was only human, as was she. And the holes in their hearts were as natural as their eyes, ears, and emotions.
And so, of course, she could never fill up his hole, and every time she tried and failed, the hole in her own heart grew even bigger. Soon she realized he could not make her happy, she could not make him happy, and in fact, they only made each other even sadder.
Life was a mess.
She went to see the man, and told him of her pain. He told her of his pain. But when she turned to leave, he asked her to stay. “You didn’t cause this hole in my heart, and you can’t fill it up,” he explained. And then he told her,
“When you were born, you arrived with eyes, ears, and probably a cute little turned up nose. You also had a whole, beating heart, with a tiny little pin hole that was made when you were separated from the Source, just as you have a belly button that was made when you were separated from your mother.
“This tiny hole can never be filled by anything here on earth, nor should it be. It’s simply a mark of your human existence, and the feeling of suffering that comes from this place is normal, natural, and part of the gift of humanity.
“No one can fill that hole, not even you. And the more you try, the more you attempt to escape the suffering it causes you, the bigger it becomes.’
The girl was stunned. All her life she thought the pain inside was something to be fixed, and that if only she had the right parents or lover or job or home or shoes or activities, she would no longer feel that ache inside. But the man told her, “You will always feel the ache inside because it is part of being alive.”
Then he took her hand and held it to his heart. “You cannot heal me because there is nothing to heal,’ he said. “I will always have a hole in my heart, just as you will always have one in yours. But we can still dance and love and laugh and dream and be happy together.”
And she knew it was true. So she stopped trying to fix her hole, and his hole, and instead, she joined him in dancing and loving and laughing and dreaming, and as she stopped trying to make the pain go away, it somehow slipped her mind.
Of course, she was only human, so every now and then, or even once an hour, the ache would return and she’d remember the hole in her heart. But now, instead of believing her parents or lover or job was responsible for the pain, she knew it was nothing more than the gift of her life. And just as she gave thanks for her eyes and nose and ears, she gave thanks for her heart, with it’s hole, it’s pain, it’s suffering, and all.
The end.