December 16, 2005
Knock Yourself Out
The other day, after coming out of meditation, I randomly opened a favorite book of mine. The book is “Start Where You Are: A Guide to Compassionate Living,” by Pema Chodron. It addresses 59 Buddhist slogans that make up the lojong mind training teachings, and I just happened to open to page 19.
“Self-liberate even the antidote.”
To explain the meaning of this requires reading what came before, so I’ll jump right to the part that grabbed my attention. “There was a crazy-wisdom teacher in India named Saraha,” Pema writes. “He said that those who believe that everything is solid and real are stupid like cattle, but that those who believe that everything is empty are even more stupid. Everything is changing all the time, and we keep wanting to pin it down, to fix it. So whenever you come up with a solid conclusion, let the rug be pulled out. You can pull out your own rug, and you can also let life pull it out for you.”
It’s about actively accepting and even courting change.
“This is how we begin to wake up to our innate ability to let go, to reconnect with shunyata, or absolute bodhicitta," says Pema. "... this is how we awaken our compassion, our heart, our innate softness, relative bodhichitta.”
The analogy of the rug reminds me of the “rude awakening” I wrote about in a previous blog. One day I thought I had things figured out. Then the rug was pulled out from under me. But this time, instead of struggling to keep the rug from moving, I let go. And the rug took off with me onboard, like a magic carpet ride.
I've landed in a very nice place.
"Toto, it doesn't look like we're in Kansas anymore..."
I like it here. But I know it won't last. And that's okay. If we can just remember that ALL our rugs will eventually be yanked, we can give up trying to prevent it from happening. We can relax and enjoy the ride. No matter how bumpy, it's still a safer place to be. As I said in my “rude awakening” blog, “It’s like climbing to the top of a very beautiful, high cliff, opening my arms wide, and feeling completely safe because I’ve already fallen and survived.”
Oh, and by the way. If no one has knocked you off balance lately, you can do it yourself. “One way to pull your own rug is by just letting go, lightening up, being more gentle, and not making such a big deal,” says Pema.
In other words, knock yourself out.
Posted by at 03:54 PM | Comments (0)
December 08, 2005
Attack of the Killer Karma
Have you ever noticed that when you start or amp up your chanting, the shit hits the fan?
What is it with that?
“Chanting brings out your karma,” they tell me.
You better watch out, you better not cry…”
I’m not a disciplined chanter. I don’t do it with any type of regularity. But when I do, stuff happens.
“Congratulations!” they say, “Your karma is up! Keep chanting and you will change it forever!”
Is it really the chanting that does it? Is daimoku some kind of spiritual laxative?
“Keep chanting to turn this poison into medicine!” they say.
Do not exceed daily recommended dose. May cause complete upheaval of life as you’ve known it…
Question: Is it really the chanting that got the shit to take aim and FIRE?
Question: Is it really “karma” that’s coming up?
When you think about it, the reason I amp up the daimoku is that I’m feeling stuck. Or feeling uneasy. Or feeling downright miserable. Maybe any change in daily routine or thought pattern would allow the space for the chaos to begin. Maybe it’s not the chanting. Maybe doing the hokey pokey twice a day would move things along just as well.
And maybe it’s not karma that’s surfacing. Maybe it’s just dumb old emotional baggage that we all drag around till death do us part. Sometimes we see it, and sometimes we don’t.
I don’t know the answer to any of these questions. But I suppose it doesn’t really matter. What matters is that when I’m feeling stuck and I increase my chanting, things change. They usually get worse. And yes, I say that like it’s a good thing.
Turmoil may not feel cozy at the time, but it’s sure seems to a necessary ingredient in personal growth, at least for me. And especially when things haven’t been working too well for a very long time, but I’ve been holding on for dear life. That’s when it takes a cosmic whack on the side of my head to force me to open my clutched fists and JUST DROP IT.
Surrender Dorothy!
You see, my personal human revolution isn’t about digging in my heels and winning the battle. I’ve never related to the “fighting spirit” encouraged by President Ikeda. I don't view life as a battle. (Is that a difference between women and men?)
What works for me is to notice when I’m stuck, do a little chanting, pay attention to what comes along, and then trust myself to act on the right opportunities.
It feels more like a letting go than a feeling of feisty determination. But it’s not a “giving up” kind of thing. It’s reconnecting to my faith in the cosmic forces and to life itself. It’s like climbing to the top of a very beautiful, high cliff, opening my arms wide, and feeling completely safe because I’ve already fallen and survived.
It's not about winning any war. It's about aligning with what's right and true for me.
Posted by at 02:28 PM | Comments (7)
December 02, 2005
Rude Awakening
There are spiritual awakenings. And then there are rude awakenings. Sometimes, one can lead to the other.
In a recent entry, our fearless Ninja blogmeister Rev. Greg wrote, “Remember that we are surrounded by those who’s lives are such that they have and will continue to view the world not as it is, rather as they wish it to be. “
Taking this completely out of context (forgive me Rev.Greg), I ask: Does ANYONE truly view the world as it is, rather than as we wish it would be?
We all bring experiences, desires, expectations, and old beat-up baggage to the present moment. I bring my crap to the table, and so do you, unless of course you happen to be a fully-awakened Buddha. Then perhaps you have pulled back the veil of illusion to experience the world directly as it is. Every single delicious moment.
Isn’t that the meaning of “enlightenment?”
Actually, I have no idea. If you do, please let me know. Personally, I’ve just found out I’m even further from experiencing the world “as it is” than I thought.
There I was, sailing along, doing just fine, thank you. When BAM! Out of the blue, someone I have known for a very long time turned out to be other than what I thought he was. I was flabbergasted. The world as I knew it changed in an instant, forever.
Things were not as they appeared to be. Or were they?
Or as someone put it to me, “Was he a great actor? Or were you in total denial?”
The answer is, probably a little of both. He definitely and deliberately disclosed only what he wished me to see. And while on a conscious level I accepted this persona, I have to admit now that things never did feel quite right.
Maybe I wasn’t doing “just fine, thank you,” after all. Maybe the world was exactly as I thought it was, only I didn’t want to think about it too hard.
Looking back, I realize I had felt something was missing for quite some time. But I wanted things to be otherwise, so I ignored the sensation. Then, one fateful day, I saw things from a slightly different angle. A small shift in perception that blew my world apart. Or maybe blew my world WIDE OPEN?!
The rude awakening was more like hot-waxing a body of deeply ingrown karmic hairs than “pulling back a veil.” Rude awakenings hurt. But maybe that's what’s needed to dislodge the deep-seated wishes, expectations, desires, and baggage that cloud our vision and blind us to what really is.
Maybe that's what's needed to wake us up.
Although my friend Michelle would say, "Erase that thought!" She would say, "Let's believe healing can take place without having to experience this emotional pain."
I'll work on that. In the meantime, it seems it has always taken more than a little feather-duster to clear centuries of dried-out cobwebs from the old karmic storehouse. Sometimes it takes a damn jackhammer lodged smack in the middle of my soul. Otherwise it's much easier to loll around in a semi-coma of denial. "Everything's just fine!" when in fact, it simply ain't.
I don't know how anyone manages this life without a spiritual practice. I guess maybe martinis or joints or hours of television are the alternative. Or a bitter, sarcastic attitude...
Personally, I find it far more interesting to face the music and dance.
The human drama, with all it's beauty and agony and sheer lunacy, is fuel for one hell of a challenging and fascinating journey. It's not an easy path, but I know of no better way to live. A Buddhist practice teaches us to use our problems for our own human revolution, rather than as a way to torture ourselves and others.
As painful as my rude awakening was for me, it has led me to a spiritual awakening of the greatest SELF-TRUST I have ever experienced. The price of this lesson was mighty high, but as they say, you get what you pay for.
I’m expecting GREAT THINGS.
Posted by at 01:45 AM | Comments (1)
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