Queen Lolo
December 02, 2005
There are spiritual awakenings. And then there are rude awakenings. Sometimes, one can lead to the other.
In a recent entry, our fearless Ninja blogmeister Rev. Greg wrote, “Remember that we are surrounded by those who’s lives are such that they have and will continue to view the world not as it is, rather as they wish it to be. “
Taking this completely out of context (forgive me Rev.Greg), I ask: Does ANYONE truly view the world as it is, rather than as we wish it would be?
We all bring experiences, desires, expectations, and old beat-up baggage to the present moment. I bring my crap to the table, and so do you, unless of course you happen to be a fully-awakened Buddha. Then perhaps you have pulled back the veil of illusion to experience the world directly as it is. Every single delicious moment.
Isn’t that the meaning of “enlightenment?”
Actually, I have no idea. If you do, please let me know. Personally, I’ve just found out I’m even further from experiencing the world “as it is” than I thought.
There I was, sailing along, doing just fine, thank you. When BAM! Out of the blue, someone I have known for a very long time turned out to be other than what I thought he was. I was flabbergasted. The world as I knew it changed in an instant, forever.
Things were not as they appeared to be. Or were they?
Or as someone put it to me, “Was he a great actor? Or were you in total denial?”
The answer is, probably a little of both. He definitely and deliberately disclosed only what he wished me to see. And while on a conscious level I accepted this persona, I have to admit now that things never did feel quite right.
Maybe I wasn’t doing “just fine, thank you,” after all. Maybe the world was exactly as I thought it was, only I didn’t want to think about it too hard.
Looking back, I realize I had felt something was missing for quite some time. But I wanted things to be otherwise, so I ignored the sensation. Then, one fateful day, I saw things from a slightly different angle. A small shift in perception that blew my world apart. Or maybe blew my world WIDE OPEN?!
The rude awakening was more like hot-waxing a body of deeply ingrown karmic hairs than “pulling back a veil.” Rude awakenings hurt. But maybe that's what’s needed to dislodge the deep-seated wishes, expectations, desires, and baggage that cloud our vision and blind us to what really is.
Maybe that's what's needed to wake us up.
Although my friend Michelle would say, "Erase that thought!" She would say, "Let's believe healing can take place without having to experience this emotional pain."
I'll work on that. In the meantime, it seems it has always taken more than a little feather-duster to clear centuries of dried-out cobwebs from the old karmic storehouse. Sometimes it takes a damn jackhammer lodged smack in the middle of my soul. Otherwise it's much easier to loll around in a semi-coma of denial. "Everything's just fine!" when in fact, it simply ain't.
I don't know how anyone manages this life without a spiritual practice. I guess maybe martinis or joints or hours of television are the alternative. Or a bitter, sarcastic attitude...
Personally, I find it far more interesting to face the music and dance.
The human drama, with all it's beauty and agony and sheer lunacy, is fuel for one hell of a challenging and fascinating journey. It's not an easy path, but I know of no better way to live. A Buddhist practice teaches us to use our problems for our own human revolution, rather than as a way to torture ourselves and others.
As painful as my rude awakening was for me, it has led me to a spiritual awakening of the greatest SELF-TRUST I have ever experienced. The price of this lesson was mighty high, but as they say, you get what you pay for.
I’m expecting GREAT THINGS.
Posted by at August 12, 2007 04:22 AM