A Byrd's Eye View

Elegy for Byrd by Jean Anker

Are you singing in the rain?

Are you smiling through your tears?

Well yes, I'm trying to, but it ain't easy.

Attended Byrd's memorial service this morning at the SGI Community Center on Nordhoff, it was good getting a "byrd's" eye view of a side of her life that I didnt know about. For instance, I never knew that the 50s classic "Singing in the Rain" was one of her favorite movies and that she always saw it with her good friend Kevin whenever it was shown in town. Town being LA, you know the city of dreams, as in broken, deferred, fulfilled, impossible, come true and otherwise.

Like the heroine of a Shakespearian Drama (she loved Shakespeare by the way), the story that was her life emerges and lingers like the smoke from burning incense. A story told by friends and family, old photographs and a stunning portrait of a beautiful and mysterious looking Byrd drawn in charcoal, a family heirloom that served as a focal point for the memorial. Even the sometimes (to me) corny SGIsms served only as a quaint backdrop to a woman who was part Hollywood, part mystic, part fairy godmother, part impish sprite (not easy for a woman of Byrd's stature) part rank and file SGI, part rebel, part genius, part struggling to stay afloat, part humanitarian, but full time and this is what's important, full time loving, caring friend, niece, sister, daughter. And although I am grateful to have known her at all, I could only wish to have the chance to know her better.

I wish I had known the special things about her like that her favorite movie was "Singing in the Rain.” Or that she spent a year in Africa or the fact that she had been motivated to become a lawyer after seeing a friend lose in court. Or even that she used to be a voiceover actor. There were other things that I would like to have known more about, stories and remembrances, some funny, some poignant; all were told with emotion.

And although it was fine finding out about Byrd from others who loved her, when all is said and done I still want to be selfish. Yes, I can believe she is resting and will be reborn when the energy is right. And yes I know I can connect with her when I'm chanting. But that doesn't stop me from wanting to see her again and say something, like "Hey Byrd, I heard from Kevin that your favorite movie is "Singing in the Rain," that's one of my favorites too, so what do you think about "A Clockwork Orange"?

Wishful thinking I know, just a different kind of dream. So instead I will try to keep smiling through my tears.

Jean Anker

Posted by wahzoh at August 18, 2008 12:18 PM