FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE:
Channeldeadcomposers.com, a fictional new age website, announced today that Erma Goofman, a Missouri mystic and "channeler" has produced the musical score for a new Christmas ballet, channeled from long-dead Russian composer Peter Ilyich Tchaikovsky.
Entitled "The Goodie Basket", this new ballet follows the adventures of Wendy, an overweight office employee who falls asleep at her desk and dreams of consuming a giant basketful of Christmas treats in the office lunch room.
Huge cookies in various forms, together with fruit cake slices, holiday breads, and petit fours, all dance seductively and temptingly before Wendy's eyes.
Wendy is rescued by Prince Richard Simmons and Fairy Lady Sarah Ferguson. Both are in lovely white tutus and they dance a romantic pas de deux.
In Act II, the office lunch room is invaded by an army of Ants, led by the wicked Ant King. Wendy holds the Ant King down while Prince Richard Simmons does aerobics on his head and Fairy Princess Fergie sprays him with a sparkly toxin.
The Ant King is defeated, the deligious goodies disapear, and Fairy Princess Fergie presents Wendy with a gift-wrapped carton of non-fat cottage cheese with a big red bow on it.
A curtain pulls back to reveal Wendy asleep at her desk. She awakens to discover a gift-wrapped carton of non-fat cottage cheese on her desk. This leads us to wonder...was it a dream, or was it real....?
Famed choreographer Mikhail Barishnikov has expressed no interest whatsoever in the project.
Posted by wahzoh at December 14, 2007 11:45 AM How about the 3rd act? Maybe Wendy and the cottage cheese begin with a lively pas de deux and are joined by all the romantic cookies and fruitcakes.
Then, to a funeral march, the ants arrive with the casket of their king and his crown -- which rhey place on Richard Simmons' head.
Alarums & excursions as the cookies and fruitcakes flee, herded by Sarah Ferguson doing a solo in a Mother Goose dress.
Simmons and his ants attack the cottage cheese and Wendy. Whwn they disperse, nothing is left on stage except the office desk. It bows and dances off.
Barbara
Wow, that's sort of the "Apocalypse Now" version. We'll have to wait to see if Peter Ilyich decides to channel Act III or not.
Trying to stay skinny, Byrd in LA
Posted by: Byrd in LA at December 14, 2007 03:59 PM