A Byrd's Eye View

The Cat Bolster

Charles Atkins has requested a blog entry about my cats. For those of you who don't like cats, you can skip this entry.

I have three felines who depend on me for food, water, emergency veterinary services and a place to curl up and sleep. The eldest is a short-haired black male, about 14 years old. His official name is "Midnight", but I call him "The Creature". Another black male is TOC (pronounced "Tock" - for The Other Cat). He started coming in to eat through the window usually left open for the Creature, and I took him to the vet after he lost a goodly chunk of his face in a fight. The vet fixed him and neutered him, and Toc has been napping on the back of my couch ever since. Toc and the Creature actually are near-twins. They look like black bookends, and you can only tell them apart if you look at them straight-on. Toc has a smaller face and his ears are a bit torn from the battles of his youth.

Toc's girlfriend Wobbly is quite popular around the neighborhood. She sleeps and eats at my place, but she sleeps and eats at other people's apartments, too. She is a black and grey tabby with longer hair than the others, and a flap of skin on her belly which wobbles when she walks, hence her name. She is very loving, and enjoys sticking her face directly up in a human's face to kiss the human. Unfortunately, she also has a number of sneezing allergies which sometimes results in her kissing and sneezing at the same time. I hope she loses this habit before she reincarnates as a human, as it might limit her opportunities for intimacy. Wobbly is more talkative than the others, although her vocabulary is limited to the single word, "map". Sometimes she exclaims, "map!" Sometimes she merely remarks, "map." I actually thought of re-naming her "Map" in honor of her word, but I was so used to calling her Wobbly that I couldn't break the habit.

Those of you who have cats have no doubt noticed how the creatures like to lean against some vertical surface when they curl up to nap. Sometimes they curl up against the arm of a chair or in the crook of a couch. In my case, they have taken to using me as a human bolster while I sleep at night. One of them will lean against my leg, another against my back, and Wobbly usually settles in on a pillow above my head. I don't know why they seem to prefer leaning against me while I sleep, but they do. It's not like there aren't plenty of good places to sleep in my apartment - there's a perfectly good couch, numerous chairs, the tops of various bookshelves, and even some counter space. But for whatever reason, they choose to spend their nights in my bed, leaned up against my sleeping frame.

This morning at about 1:45, I decided that I wanted to roll over. I was sleeping on my left side, with my legs sort of bent. Toc was curled up on top of my bedspread in the crook of my knees. The Creature was snuggled against the small of my back, and Wobbly was in her usual perch atop my head. I must admit that I was momentarily seized by a certain resentment of these animals, snuggled in so warmly for their night's rest ... after all, it is my bed, and I ought to be able to roll over if I so desire, oughtn't I? Certainly I ought. However, there I was -- pinned in, trapped, unable to move without causing a serious disruption to everyone else. This is what I get for being such a softy, I grumbled to myself.

I thought for a moment and came up with a brilliant plan on how to roll over without causing any undue disruption to the cats. I would pull down the blanket in front of me, bringing my legs smoothly forward and up over my head in a scissor-like kick (I had seen this maneuver performed many times by Olympian gymnasts in their floor routines). Then, I would roll slowly over so as not to disturb the Creature and bring my legs down under the covers, cradling Toc in the bend of my knees while lying on my right side, all the while keeping Wobbly well-balanced on top of my head. This way, the Creature would end up leaning against my chest rather than my back, Toc would remain in the cradle of my knees (although from the other side), and Wobbly would hardly be disturbed at all. I hope you can see it in your mind. It seemed like a fabulous plan, masterfuly choreographed and easy to execute.

I pulled down the covers, I brought my legs forward, rolling slowly over onto my back, with my crew-soxed feet in the air. I was not as graceful as I had hoped to be, but managed to keep moving in the right general direction. Rolling slowly over, I realized too late that I would have to aim my feet back under the covers, between the sleeping Toc and the sleeping Creature in order to accomplish my maneuver. I tucked my legs in to my chest, while pointing my feet down to the right toward the gap beteen the two cats, simultaneously throwing the covers toward my left in order to not push them over the sleeping Toc. This twist caused me to feel a slight twinge in my lower back, and I made an involuntary exclamation: "Ow!"

Wobbly must have heard me, as she immediately asked about my comfort. "Map?" she asked. "Yeah, I think I'm OK," I groaned, my feet still out from under the covers, my knees up at my chest. Wobbly stretched and came down to investigate, treading tenderly on my face as she made her way to the surface of the bed. She stood off to my right, eyeballing my unique pose. "Map, map!" she advised. "I can't, I think I'm stuck, " I said. "Map," she commiserated, gently kissing my nose.

Sensing that I was in dire physical straits, Wobbly did her best to encourage me with a refreshing shower of kitty sneeze. I pulled myself together and rolled to the right, arching my back and aiming my feet down between the two other sleeping cats. Success at last! I had managed to roll over! I glanced back at the clock and was pleased to see that the entire procedure had taken less than five minutes' time from the decision to roll to the completion of the roll. And not only that, but I had only awakened one cat. Wait a minute.....the other cats were stirring, stretching....yawning.....getting up for a midnight snack...heading out to the kitchen.....Oh, well... "that's the last time I go out of my way to keep from waking those three lazy characters up", I thought to myself and snuggled back down to sleep.

At about 3:30 am, I had another sleepy urge to stretch out on my back. I started to roll over, but I was stopped by a couple of warm lumps leaning against my back...

Posted by wahzoh at September 25, 2007 04:13 PM