As I write my neighborhood is surrounded by flames and even the air inside my house smells smokey and is making me feel a bit nauseous. It has been around 24 hours since I started to leave my house for a trip to Trader Joes only to stop in my tracks when I realized the fire was just over the next hill. Now, I am pretty much living in limbo, at the whim of the fire. I listen to the planes flying overhead and anxiously wait for that call from a neighbor two streets over, or worse yet the knock on the door from the fire department. I know if it comes much closer, I will actually have to roll up my gohonzon, yank my computer and hit the road. My car is already packed with photos and important papers, my cat is contained for a quick getaway and my son has photographed all the important things in our home for insurance purposes. We have lived in this southern California fire area for 20 years and more than once we have seen flames from our window and smelled smoke; but this is the first time we have actually had to seriously consider the possibility of having to evacuate, not knowing how our home may end up.
Interestingly enough I am surprisingly calm about the prospect, in fact in Buddhist parlance you could say I am very detached right now. This no doubt stems from the confidence I have that no matter what, my family and I will be ok. I mean I have plenty of friends and relatives willing to take me in and unlike a lot of people I even have a second home to go to. In the midst of this situation I can't help but think about what it must be like for people who are experiencing disaster without support or even hope. What about people in war zones where their entire country is going down. I think about the people in Iraq, for example who unlike me had nowhere else to go when their world was being destroyed. I remember the victims of Katrina. I think about Darfour.
Of course I would like my life to get back to normal and the smoke in the air is awful, but if I just want to leave I can. How many people who experience terrible things actually get a moment to prepare? How many have the choice to leave the disaster? How many get to call their loved ones whenever they want? I mean in the great scheme of things, how lucky am I? Let me be the person who deserves and appreciate this wonderful life that I have.
Video from the Memorial for Byrd