As I write my neighborhood is surrounded by flames and even the air inside my house smells smokey and is making me feel a bit nauseous. It has been around 24 hours since I started to leave my house for a trip to Trader Joes only to stop in my tracks when I realized the fire was just over the next hill. Now, I am pretty much living in limbo, at the whim of the fire. I listen to the planes flying overhead and anxiously wait for that call from a neighbor two streets over, or worse yet the knock on the door from the fire department. I know if it comes much closer, I will actually have to roll up my gohonzon, yank my computer and hit the road. My car is already packed with photos and important papers, my cat is contained for a quick getaway and my son has photographed all the important things in our home for insurance purposes. We have lived in this southern California fire area for 20 years and more than once we have seen flames from our window and smelled smoke; but this is the first time we have actually had to seriously consider the possibility of having to evacuate, not knowing how our home may end up.
Interestingly enough I am surprisingly calm about the prospect, in fact in Buddhist parlance you could say I am very detached right now. This no doubt stems from the confidence I have that no matter what, my family and I will be ok. I mean I have plenty of friends and relatives willing to take me in and unlike a lot of people I even have a second home to go to. In the midst of this situation I can't help but think about what it must be like for people who are experiencing disaster without support or even hope. What about people in war zones where their entire country is going down. I think about the people in Iraq, for example who unlike me had nowhere else to go when their world was being destroyed. I remember the victims of Katrina. I think about Darfour.
Of course I would like my life to get back to normal and the smoke in the air is awful, but if I just want to leave I can. How many people who experience terrible things actually get a moment to prepare? How many have the choice to leave the disaster? How many get to call their loved ones whenever they want? I mean in the great scheme of things, how lucky am I? Let me be the person who deserves and appreciate this wonderful life that I have.
I hope the fire stays away from your house. You may feel detached now, but the paper work will be unbearable.
Nancy
Hello Jean,
We will be thinking of you! I agree with your clear thinking on this situation.....however, it is difficult to leave your home to maybe never see it again.....you are certainly showing the courage of Buddha....Namu. Suzanne
Posted by: Suzanne at October 15, 2008 03:28 AMToday everything got back to normal. I actually took the most amazing walk this morning all around the ridge where the fire burned and saw how close it really came and how much was burned. Fortunately our property was not harmed. But, thank you all for your concern and your daimoku.
I also read in the LA Times how the native Americans in our area used to go through this whole process and how certain plants require the heat of the fire in order to germinate.
Thank you for having the composure to blog at a time like this... for sharing your experience... and for giving us the happy update! I am so glad you made it un-singed. And that you wrote about it to give me this opportunity to remember to pause in appreciation - and to back up my computer!!!! And while we don't know one another very well personally, please know that if you do ever need a place to go, my doors are open!
Omigosh! I was so riveted to the news the past few days, watching to see if the fire was coming near where you and many of my family members live, that I never thought to look here on the blog. Thanks for letting us know you are okay. The news made it sound like the fire was miles west of you. In fact, when Sarge asked me where Porter Ranch was, I told him "west of where Bill and Jean live."
Every year at Fourth of July, someone sets the hill behind our house on fire. It's never less scary.
And last year, we lost two friends in the fire in San Diego. We're so glad that you, Bill, and Sam are okay.
Posted by: Michele at October 16, 2008 01:27 AMI've been out of town basically for the past two weeks. Jean's been keeping me up to date on everything but I thinks it's been harder for me to stay calm than if I was there. Thanks all for your support. Honey, I'll be home this afternoon. Can't wait to see you all.
Seeing your blog made me feel better.
Love,
Bill
Posted by: bill at October 16, 2008 07:37 AMJean,
I am so relieved to hear that you are safe. I admire your composure!
Kris