The next major event that I associate with Byrd occurred on April 28th, 2005. Byrd had been trying to get people in our district to go to the top of Mt. Wilson, here in LA, on the morning of April 28th, so that we could all chant Daimoku to the rising sun just as Nichiren did on April 28th. 1253.
It ended up being just me and Byrd. We were determined. We needed to get up at 4:00 AM so I could pick up Byrd and then make the hour or so drive up the mountain before sunrise.
I woke up at 4:00 AM to a freak pounding rainstorm. There had been no prediction of rain the night before; this was a rogue weather cell just over the LA Area. I called Byrd and we agreed it was crazy to try to do this given the weather conditions. We agreed that we would definitely do it the next year (which we did).
So here I was showered, shaved and dressed at 4:30 AM on April 28th, 2005. What to do? I decided to make it a morning of daimoku. I chanted for about two hours at home, and then went to 606 Wilshire Blvd, the national headquarters of SGI-USA to chant some more before going to work. It was a gorgeous morning. The rain had stopped, the clouds were low, broken, tinged with a liquid, early morning light; the blue of the sky made preternaturally blue by the contrast of the clouds.
I chanted all the way, and the last few blocks a car was in front of me with a bumper sticker that said, "Love Above All". And that's exactly how I felt when I got to the headquarters building at 8:00 AM. I sat down in the gohonzon room like I usually did, looking forward to another hour of daimoku before having to go to work.
I had been on thin ice with the SGI staff for awhile, starting back in 2001 when I became a member of the IRG, then as a signer of the SGI-USA Reform Declaration. Actually, since the names on that doc were listed alphabetically, mine was first and Jean's was second. So even though I had very little to do with drafting the Declaration, the SGI leadership always associated it with me. That and the fact that after all the signers were sent legal letters from the SGI, I took charge of replying to that letter. For no reason other than the fact that I had access to lawyers and was able to get advice from an ACLU attorney.
Still, I had managed to walk the tightrope between being an active member of the reform effort and being a district chief in (sort of) good standing. I think alot of it had to do with the simple fact that I made the effort to chant with the top leaders every morning, and so was able to have normal and friendly conversations with many of them on a regular basis.
At around 8:30, after chanting with everyone for about 30 minutes, I had a sudden, powerful intuition that today was the day. Just a few minutes later Dave Baldschun came over to me and asked if we could have a chat. We left the gohonzon room. Dave said, "Bill it's time."
I nodded. He asked me to resign and I said no. "You have to fire me. And you have to explain to our district members why." (I rethought that one later with Jean and we decided we needed to tell people ourselves. ) I also told him that doing boddhisattva activities was such an ingrained part of my life that there was no way I'd stop having meetings at my house for any of our friends who still wanted to practice with us. That I intended to have unofficial gatherings every month at our house just like we've been doing for the past 20 years.
So for what it's worth, the day that all restrictions were removed from how I choose to practice and with whom, the day the Gathering of Friends was created was April 28th, 2005, a day chosen not by me but by the SGI-USA.
How Mystical! How Wondrous!
April 28th was also the day that the crew of the HMSS Bounty mutinied and set Captain Bligh and 18 sailors adrift in the South Pacific, the day that Mussolini was killed, and the day that Muhammed Ali refused induction into the army.
How Random! How Coincidental!
Could the final straw have been simply a result of pissing someone off by an innocuous bit of satire (see below), which I had written the night before and posted at the SGI Yahoo board? You decide:
I'm really hoping and praying that this message somehow reaches Andy
Hanlen. As many of you know we thought Andy might come to visit our
district last Sunday! You can imagine the buzz among all the
members! Well not everybody was buzzed but some of the youth
division felt, very sincerely, that getting a buzz was the way to truly understand his heart. So maybe they got a little too buzzed. I didn't have the
heart to tell them that Andy's preffered buzz is from beer... they
were enjoying themselves too much. And it's the sincerity that
counts, after all.
Everybody did so much to prepare when they heard he might be coming.
People moved the coffee table to make sure there'd be room for him
to sit on the floor (not enough chairs and stools to go around
unfortunately), we unlocked the door so he could come right in if he
found the place, and I personally made an extra copy of the gosho we
were discussing.
Our hearts were so pure and our ichinen was so strong that when I
got home from the bagel shop, even though I ordered 2 dozen, they
gave me 26 not 24! I was sure that was a sign from the universe that
he was definitely going to be there! In retrospect I think it may
have been my arrogance at that moment that led me to slacken in my
determination to fight to the last minute, and that's why he didn't
make it.
I take full responsibility! I am determined to fight even harder, to
never give up! I am determined to understand his heart, and show him
how much we want him to come to our meeting. Next time even if we
don't get free bagels, I'll fight to the end!
To show him I know how to reply to his ichinen, I created a little
display right after the meeting. I call it the Coors, Budweiser,
Hanlen exhibit.
I'd imagined taking it on the road to show other districts and
inspire them to create similar exhibits. To join with my prayer
to get Andy to my district meeting. I thought about the best way to
do this. I chanted and chanted and finally the answer came to me!
Andy wouldn't want me to travel around with the exhibit because beer
doesn't travel well! It should just stay cold in my refrigerator!
I was so inspired! I felt that I had really connected with his
heart! And I asked myself what more can I do, what more can I do to
show him that I truly am a worthy disciple? Just as I was about to
despair of any clear direction, the wisdom of the buddha arose in
me. My mind cleared and I heard this answer from the depths of my
life:
"DRINK THE BEER".
And so I did. :)
Maybe next time Andy.
Sincerely,
Bill
Hi, I'm back! Well not really back since this is my first blog, but not Away! anymore. So Hi everyone.
As a way to get to know me (and as a means of easing into this blog thing) I'm going to post some stuff related to my friendship with Byrd.
It started with something I wrote called the Halloween Prayer on Oct 31, 2004. I posted it to the SGI yahoo board. It was a very contentious and divided board at that time as was our country. I believe I was reading the whole Lotus Sutra directly for the first time in my life around then, without relying on any commentaries. Byrd read my prayer and asked if she could come to meetings in my district. She's been a fixture in my life ever since.
Here's what I wrote:
Oct 31, 2004
A Halloween Prayer:
This morning at 10:00 AM PST, my district will have
it's monthly district meeting. We are going to have a
discussion about changing poison into medicine, and
then, in anticipation of the upcoming election we are
going to chant for the health of our country. We are
going to chant that regardless of political
orientation, somehow, our daimoku can open a path
toward a healthy country and a healthy world.
Last night I was looking for some materials to
encourage people. Looking for something in
the Lifespan chapter of the Sutra, I happened to open
to Chapter 14, the Peaceful Practices
chapter where Shakyamuni, as encouragement to the
boddhisattvas, says that the boddhisattvas should:
"put aside all idea of laziness,
all thought of negligence or ease,
remove himself from cares and worries
and with a compassionate mind preach the Law.
Day and night constantly he should expound
the teachings of the unsurpassed way,
employing causes and conditions,
immeasurable similes and parables
to instruct living beings
and cause them to be joyful."
I thought, "I like that but I don't know how
to "employ causes and conditions", and I certainly
don't feel that I have the wisdom or articulateness to
find the "similes and parables to instruct living
beings and cause them to be joyful."
Then I read this:
"If you wish to preach this sutra,
you must set aside jealousy, hatred, arrogance,
a mind that is fawning, deceitful, false,
and constantly practice honest and upright conduct.
Do not look with contempt on others,
or hold frivolous debates on the doctrine.
Do not cause others to have doubts or regrets
by saying "You will never become a Buddha!"
When a son of the Buddha preaches the law
he is at all times gentle and full of forebearance,
having pity and compassion on all,
never giving way to a slothful mind.
The great boddhisattvas of the ten directions,
out of pity for the multitude, carry out the way.
One should strive to respect and revere them,
saying, "These are my great teachers!"
I was moved by these passages and I thought, "tomorrow
is Halloween, when we put on masks of the things that
scare us, in a spirit of fun. What really
scares me?"
I realized that what really scares me is the
possibility that I truly am a Boddhisattva of the
Earth, that I have a job to do, that I need to put
aside all thoughts of laziness, slothfulness, and
ease. That as a boddhisatttva of the earth my own
needs don't matter, and that I have a job to do. That
my job is to set aside jealousy, hatred, arrogance. To
not look with contempt on others, or hold frivolous
debates on the doctrine, (I have to admit that I find
sport in that).
What really scares me is that it might just
be my job to draw the pain and poison of the Earth to
me, and to be willing to absorb it. To join with
“ The great boddhisattvas of the ten directions who
out of pity for the multitude, carry out the way."
and to "respect and revere them,
saying, "These are my great teachers!"
Today I have decided to do these things. I will put on
my mask of "Bodhisattva of the Earth". I'm going to
employ the strategy of the Lotus Sutra by chanting
daimoku with my friends. I'm going to open my life and
take on the pain of others as my own. Whether they are
republicans or democrats, Nichiren Shu, Nichiren
Shoshu, SGI, Indie, Jewish, Christian Muslim or (god forbid!) Zen.
I will remember that everyone's afraid, and every strategy we
employ is an attempt to lead peaceful and happy lives.
Rather than criticize the unintended consequences of
those strategies I will try to employ the Strategy of
the Lotus Sutra myself.
I have no solutions, but I believe in
the power of Nam Myoho Renge Kyo. And I know all of
you do too. What I lack is faith in my own ability to
fully employ that power. Today, I will pray to join my life with the
"great boddhisattvas of the ten directions". To set
aside differences and to join in our common desire.
Shakyamuni, Tien Tai, Nagarjuna, Nichiren, Makaguchi,
Toda, Ikeda, Nikken, Jim, Andy, Gay Dave, Stoney,
Will, Michael, Pat, Colin, Chris, Brian, Phil,
Valerie, Steve, Joe, Blue Buddha, Danny Nagashima, Mr
Williams, Robin, Bridget, Byrd, Carson, Yolanda,
Michelle and all those behind the scenes; I promise
today I will do my best. Today I will chant to draw
off the poison from the wounds of the world with faith
that I can transform that poison into medicine and
benefit for myself and all others. I will strive to
respect and revere you all, saying “These are my great
teachers!”.
The Sutra goes on to say, "Manjushri, if among these
bodhisattvas and mahasattvas there are those who in
the age hereafter, when the Law is about to perish,
accept and embrace the Lotus Sutra, toward believers
who are still in the household or those who have left
the household they should cultivate a mind of great
compassion and toward those who are not boddhisattvas
they should also cultivate a mind of compassion and
should think to themselves: These persons have made a
great error. Though the Thus Come One as an expedient
means preaches the Law in accordance with what is
appropriate they do not listen, do not know, do not
realize, do not inquire, do not believe and do not
understand. But although these persons do not inquire
about, do not believe and do not understand this
sutra, when I have attained anuttara-samyak-sambodhi,
wherever I may be, I will employ my transcendental
powers and the power of wisdom to draw them to me and
cause them to adibe in the Law."
I am afraid of that transcendental power in my life,
but I believe it's there. Today, on Halloween, I will
face it and embrace it, and draw toward me everything
that scares me. Today I will have fun and enjoy
my function as a Boddhisattva of the Earth.
I hope you'll all join with me. We are cohorts, all.
Bill