I've really been overthinking this and it's really very simple. The difference between having faith in a practice or ritual and living with faith as I understand it is that having faith in a practice is a safety net, a way to alleviate the inherent uncertainty of any course of action. Whereas living with faith means taking actions, the results of which are uncertain, no net, no guarantee of reward.
At least no reward that any authority is guaranteeing.
There's only a few things I can say that I know and most of those things are negatives. I know that I cannot know that any particular way is the only way. I know that I cannot know what the results of any particular action I take will be.
So here's the deal. I am not certain of anything. I don't know anything. But there's certain things I've decided to do anyway and certain ways of living I've decided to do anyway. Mainly because in a universe that makes any sense to me, these are things that I'd like to be true, and because these are things that make me feel good about my life and the way that I interact with others. That's it.
I've actually been chanting alot lately. Pretty much all the time. I wake up and start chanting around the house. I drive to work and chant all the way. I chant in my office. I chant in my head. I chant in business meetings -not out loud, I'm not insane and not all the time because I sometimes I need to focus on numbers, timelines, strategy and shit like that. But when I can I chant. And my only goal in doing so is that somehow, in this moment, I can draw out the enlightened aspect of everything I'm experiencing and pass it on. That's it. I don't want to hold on to anything. Not my thoughts, not my emotions, not those clouds, that sunset, that panic, this anxiety, this desire to win or this fear of losing . I just believe (but don't know) that I'm connected to everything. I just believe (but don't know) that as this series of nows passes through me, I can decide how big or small my life is and how much of what's contained in each of these nows I embrace.
I believe (but don't know) that the gigantic treasure rising from the earth is a symbol of the how much of the universe I can embrace if I have faith in the scope of my life and the power of the idea of non-self. I choose to chant as though, from this tiny body, I am energizing golden daimoku above me rising into space, and below me penetrating the earth. I choose to believe that these golden spinning daimoku draw the 9 worlds to them, freeing the enlightened aspect of everything-light and dark- that passes through them and that I, with my tiny body, simply allow it all to pass through me into the future.
I choose to believe (but don't really have a clue) that my way is good for me. I choose to beleive that there are lot's of my ways and lot's of highways and that my way is nourished and strengthened by embracing them all, and they are all nourished and strengthened by my way. Freely recieving and freely giving and just going about my life not worrying too much about whether any particular thing that I do, think or say was a good cause or a bad cause.
I'm just trying to be a better employee, a better husband a better father and a better bodhisattva if such a thing exists. I choose to believe it does and it makes me feel good.
This is how I want to live. I don't care about faith in doctrines or mantras or any of that stuff. I just want to have the balls to live moment to moment with the determination to take action which is healing and which nourishes the enlightened (if such a thing exists) aspect of everything I'm connected to. If doctrines and mantras help me to live that way, great. But that is not where I need to put my faith.
I need to have faith that putting that next foot in front of the other will not lead to a deadend. Personally I'd rather deal with cliffs. I've never gotten to a cliff I couldn't find a way down from. And cliffs are pretty frickin' obvious. In my experience you can spend alot of time just circling around a deadend before you ever realize that you're going in circles.
It feels a bit like gambling with your whole life. Willingly stepping into the unknown. I know that I may not meet the buddha at Eagle Peak, I have no idea if I'm going in that direction. My arrogance may be what's driving me, my inability to submit to authority. It may be that the SGI is the only true way, it may be that Nam Myoho Renge Kyo is the only true practice for this age, the only perfect teaching. But, I in my delusions, cannot accept these ideas. That probably makes me an icchantika, one of incorrigible disbelief. I can't help it though. That's part of what I am and I'm no longer going to reject parts of me.
So far so good but tomorrow is another day.
A couple of times you have told me that we have similar points of view. Here I can see it. But there is a difference. One difference is that I have never been able to believe something just because I wished it were true. I wish I could. I think you have found peace by believing that everything will turn out alright, where as I have found peace by accepting that it won't. Another good reason for me to envy you. I should also say that I'm not unhappy all the time in fact most of the time I'm happy.
Posted by: clown hidden at May 19, 2009 12:44 AMHi Bill,
Actually, what you are saying is that you're
putting the message of the Lotus Sutra into practice.
In Chapter Four (One Vehicle) we learn
that the Buddha teaches each according to our
capacity with different skillful means. You're
using your visualization talents, trusting that your life is part of the larger
picture involving everything rather than your
ego's tiny message that you have to "win" over others.
In Chapter Six (Dharma Rain) the Buddha tells Kashyapa how he looks into the hearts of living
beings and prescribes just the right medicine for
that person. You're putting that trust to the test
on the 'cliffs' of your life.
And I bet you won't give up the journey until you make it. That is the real definition of faith. Not that our faith is the only one that works and we must bang others over the head with it until they agree.
The Lotus Sutra teaches us that all of us can
reach an enlightened state of being and that each
of us will do this in a way unique to who we are
in this form.
The 'perfect teaching' is the one which keeps us
on the path for one more day, IMO. Tomorrow it may not, but if we recognize that we may need a different 'perfect teaching' for each stage of our journey we won't stop until we reach enlightenment.
To stop our own growth denies the Lotus Sutra's
message. Any teacher who asks us to deny our growth out of loyalty to a specific teaching is not teacher of the Lotus Sutra.
These are my opinions based on Lotus Sutra study rather than what people tell me to think. Staying on the road is hard and we need
to use everything we find to finish the journey. Your pal, Patty
What you are saying sounds right for the times we live in. I remember those posters that were everywhere in the sixties, QUESTION AUTHORITY Not submitting to authority in matters of the spirit doesn't seem arrogant to me, what seems arrogant is to expect others to submit to your authority or worse yet to coerce them into doing so.
The world is changing and moving fast, with so much information available, why be stuck in dogma land calcifying your belief system more and more each day? There is no actual proof of any God or whatever people want to call it; there is nothing but faith and never was, and I use that word broadly. There is only our individual perception, there is only the moment that we are living in.
Posted by: Jean at May 21, 2009 01:02 AMThe moment we're living in? I suppose even I must have some degree of faith in that.
Posted by: clown hidden at May 21, 2009 05:27 AMHi Bill,
I am so happy to see you writing again. And it is exactly this kind of thing that I was hoping you would share with everyone.
I agree with Jean also - the arrogance is not in what you wrote - that requires real wisdom and humility. The arrogance is in those who make assumptions that they know what is right for everyone else.
Gassho
Namu Myoho Renge Kyo,
Ryuei
Today's Daily Dharma from Tricycle
The Value of the Present Moment
Recognizing that past turmoil and future rhapsodies are projections of our mind prevents us from getting stuck in them. Just as the face in the mirror is not a real face, the objects of our memories and daydreams are likewise unreal. They are not happening now; they are simply mental images flickering in the mind.
Reflecting on the value of our precious human life also minimizes our habit of ruminating. Our wondrous potential becomes clear, and the rarity and value of the present opportunity shines forth. Who wants to ruminate about the past and future when we can do so much good and progress spiritually in the present.
–Thubten Chodron, from Taming the Mind (Snow Lion)
Posted by: clown hidden at May 21, 2009 09:05 PMHi Ryuei,
Thanks very much for the kind words. Been meaning to call you. Lost my phone for a few days. Sorry.
Bill
Posted by: Bill at May 22, 2009 02:41 AMBill,
Your article reminds me of the quote from Nichiren saying, "The purpose of the Buddha's advent lies in his behavior as a human being."
I think taking the gamble in life from moment to moment relying on your faith alone is as Nichiren describes in his attitude of practicing the Lotus Sutra twenty-four hours a day, perhaps.
I strive daily to be better at what it is I do for myself, my family, and my friends, as well as the folks I work with, and even the guy that cuts me off in traffic on the way to work every now and again.
Nice article.
Patrick
Posted by: Patrick at May 28, 2009 06:13 PMBILL, THANKS SO MUCH FOR THE AMAZING RETREAT, I HAD A GREAT TIME. I REALLY FEEL LIKE ALOT SHIFTED FOR ME. THE DAIMOKU WAS VERY POWERFUL. TALKING TO SANDRA WAS AMAZING AND SHE GAVE ME AN INTUITIVE READING AND I FEEL LIKE I COULD FLY. I GOT REAL HIGHT TEACHING ON THE BEACH. BEVERLY'S MEDITATION WAS GREAT. BY THE END I FELT LIKE I WAS ON ACID. CAN YOU BELEIVE THAT ABOUT DEE DEE AND ME. I JUST SHOWS WHAT A SMALL WORLD. THANKS AGAIN FOR THE GREAT TIME AND FOR ALWAYS BEING THERE FOR ME
TERRI
GURU RATTAN KAUR
BILL, THANKS SO MUCH FOR THE AMAZING RETREAT, I HAD A GREAT TIME. I REALLY FEEL LIKE ALOT SHIFTED FOR ME. THE DAIMOKU WAS VERY POWERFUL. TALKING TO SANDRA WAS AMAZING AND SHE GAVE ME AN INTUITIVE READING AND I FEEL LIKE I COULD FLY. I GOT REAL HIGHT TEACHING ON THE BEACH. BEVERLY'S MEDITATION WAS GREAT. BY THE END I FELT LIKE I WAS ON ACID. CAN YOU BELEIVE THAT ABOUT DEE DEE AND ME. I JUST SHOWS WHAT A SMALL WORLD. THANKS AGAIN FOR THE GREAT TIME AND FOR ALWAYS BEING THERE FOR ME
TERRI
GURU RATTAN KAUR
Wish Sarge and I could have been at the retreat! We will definitely be there next year. He's recovering well from surgery. I'm getting used to doing his chores and my own.
Posted by: Michele at June 30, 2009 04:25 AMRegarding the retreat it is Jean and I who must thank you Terri and everyone else who came for making it possible for us to have such a wonderful weekend of practice with friends. The same is true of each of the monthly gatherings. We missed you and Sarge Michele but we'll see you soon.
Posted by: Bill at July 9, 2009 11:46 PM